So, apparently Russ called again on Thursday. It was "the" phone call they get. And my phone never even rang. It didn't register a missed call... nothing... just... a message. While that is all wonderful, I had my phone next to me the ENTIRE day, knowing that he would probably call... and then my phone malfunctions or the cell phone towers are busted or whatever. I should have had him call his parent's land line. But I can't remember if I was out or not. I know that Vincente and I took a long nap Thursday afternoon, because we slept through playgroup. We did a lot of shopping earlier that day, so I can't imagine that we were gone anywhere in the evening.
So I am now very very depressed. The only thing that was keeping me going this weekend was the thought that he would call sometime this week. And now I don't even have that. Now I have nothing until he sends a letter, because he didn't even have a mailing address. Maybe I'll just send something to the fort addressed to him and hope it gets to him. I miss him sooo much and I really need to have some form of communication or things will get really bad.
If I disappear from the face of the planet for the next 48 hours, don't send the search parties. Unless I don't show up for school on Tuesday... then start looking.
Sunday, August 31
Friday, August 29
phone calls
Okay, so you know you're pathetically aching for a person when you use their phone to call your phone (so you can find your phone) and then when you finally find your phone, you see that you've missed calls from that person, and your heart jumps... then you remember that it was really just you calling yourself... and you feel really stupid.
On a lighter note, I have talked to Russ about three times since he's been gone, and since he's only been gone since Monday night, I'd say that's pretty good! The phone call on Thursday morning was definitely sorely needed. He had to call to ask some questions about his top secret security clearance background check thing. That's right. My husband is going to have top secret security clearance. Actually, knowing that makes me a little more afraid for him serving in the military. I mean, the people in the most danger in times of war are the infantry men, the guys holding the guns on the front lines and actually killing people. But next to that, and even in times of "peace" - the guys with the top secret knowledge - those are the ones whose names are probably top on the hit lists. Now, Russ is just a grunt, so it's not like he's going to know some crazy official confidential government secrets... but just the same... it makes me more nervous.
But he's going to love his military job - I just know it. It's totally him - learning languages, talking to people from all over the world and traveling all over the world. It just suits him perfectly. And I don't mind the military-wife life. In fact, it's something I always expected that I would do. I knew that if I married the kind of man I wanted to marry, he would probably either be in the military, or end up serving at some point in our marriage. We'll see how much I like it if he ever gets deployed to Iraq :-{
On a lighter note, I have talked to Russ about three times since he's been gone, and since he's only been gone since Monday night, I'd say that's pretty good! The phone call on Thursday morning was definitely sorely needed. He had to call to ask some questions about his top secret security clearance background check thing. That's right. My husband is going to have top secret security clearance. Actually, knowing that makes me a little more afraid for him serving in the military. I mean, the people in the most danger in times of war are the infantry men, the guys holding the guns on the front lines and actually killing people. But next to that, and even in times of "peace" - the guys with the top secret knowledge - those are the ones whose names are probably top on the hit lists. Now, Russ is just a grunt, so it's not like he's going to know some crazy official confidential government secrets... but just the same... it makes me more nervous.
But he's going to love his military job - I just know it. It's totally him - learning languages, talking to people from all over the world and traveling all over the world. It just suits him perfectly. And I don't mind the military-wife life. In fact, it's something I always expected that I would do. I knew that if I married the kind of man I wanted to marry, he would probably either be in the military, or end up serving at some point in our marriage. We'll see how much I like it if he ever gets deployed to Iraq :-{
wee hours
Maybe my body is just used to getting 5 hours of sleep instead of 8. That compounded with the fact that I'm just finishing my first trimester, so I'm going from the stage where I can't eat anything substantial or I'll puke, to the stage where I have to be constantly stuffing my face with whatever I can get my hands on. So I keep waking up at 3:45 (and yes... it is about 3:45 every morning... not 3:30, not 4:00... 3:45) with my nose stuffed beyond breathability, my bladder so full I feel like I might explode, and my stomach growling obscenities at me. Yes. That is second trimester bliss. I am soooo excited...
Anyway, this morning it worked out okay, because I'm leaving around 5:20 to go to a step aerobics class with my MIL. I've worked it out now so I'll go to step on Mondays and Fridays, run Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and go for an evening walk with my neighbor on Wednesday evenings. So I've got my life pretty active. Hopefully it also helps me distract myself from the fact that my sweet husband is gone for a few months. I got to talk to him yesterday morning, so that makes three time since he left Monday night. That's pretty good, if you ask me! It's been keeping me sane. I can't wait to get letters. Just the anticipation of knowing that eventually there will be something in the mailbox for you makes the missing someone more bearable.
Anyway, this morning it worked out okay, because I'm leaving around 5:20 to go to a step aerobics class with my MIL. I've worked it out now so I'll go to step on Mondays and Fridays, run Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and go for an evening walk with my neighbor on Wednesday evenings. So I've got my life pretty active. Hopefully it also helps me distract myself from the fact that my sweet husband is gone for a few months. I got to talk to him yesterday morning, so that makes three time since he left Monday night. That's pretty good, if you ask me! It's been keeping me sane. I can't wait to get letters. Just the anticipation of knowing that eventually there will be something in the mailbox for you makes the missing someone more bearable.
Wednesday, August 27
the loneliness bird
"Deep inside me the loneliness bird laid a large stone egg."
- The Power of One
I'm really missing Russ. It hits me the hardest when I'm alone... so I try not to be alone. I try to just stay around Vincente and the rest of the huge Rowley clan whenever I can. Then I get distracted and I can't think about it too much.
But when I'm hanging out by myself... that's when it starts getting to me.
I think I was starting to get really used to Russ... and now that he's gone, I realize what I had all that time. Sometimes you take for granted what is right in front of you... and once it's gone, you realize what you would do to keep it there forever. Good thing this BCT thing is only a few months. Of course, then it's on to MORE training... *sigh* I'm just anxious for the day when we get to live in the same house again. Which actually won't be until the spring... that's a looong time!! :( I miss my Russell-head...
Tuesday, August 26
going solo
So Russ is officially Active Duty and off to Basic Training. I'm starting to feel lonely a little bit, but it's not too bad, yet. I'm keeping myself distracted, and Vincente is keeping me company. I've been collecting syllabi for my classes this semester so I can go buy books and start on homework a week early. I know... lame-0 me. But I might as well... this semester is going to be the hardest ever. It is the last, though, so hopefully I can make it to the end.
We found out that Russ is going to AIT right after Basic Training, so that means this baby is going to have to be born on a weekend. Since my due date is a weekend, I'm thinking that I can just be induced on my due date (hopefully I don't go earlier!). I'm not sure they would let him take time off training in order to see his baby born. It's important for us that he is there for the birth, so induction is starting to sound like a good idea. I had to be on Pitocin for Vincente's delivery, so I already know that my body responds well to the drug. It's not incredibly dangerous or risking, especially if I get induced on or after my due date. I'm pretty sure of my due date, since we were trying to get pregnant for a few months before it actually happened. I was keeping track of dates :) Anyway, I've been talking to my friend, another Becca, who had to be induced with her first. She did it without an epidural or any other drugs at all (besides the GBS anti-biotic). Of course, she didn't feel any of the contractions except during transition. I was in (hard) labor for six days with Vincente, and I took it without an epidural. I won't say it was pleasant, or that I would EVER want to do it again, but I think if I can take hard contractions that long, I should be able to take the Pitocin induced contractions for a while. Not to mention that I had to sit through about an hour of REALLY strong Pitocin induced contractions before I delivered Vincente... that was probably the worst thing I have ever had to endure. Anyway, so I'm feeling more and more confident about that possibility. I've found a CNM in Sierra Vista (probably where we will live), and the hospital sounds really nice. I'm going to talk to my CNMs about it at my next prenatal checkup in a few weeks to see what they think.
Other than that, it's school... and school.... and being a mom! Alone. For the next 4 months. How depressing. I love Russ, and I miss him so much already, and he's only been gone less than 24 hours!! I don't want to admit it, but I'm in really bad shape... I'm still in my PJs and it's after 3pm. I haven't really had much to eat - just enough to keep me from being nauseas, and I haven't really done much productive today... even though I really should. Tomorrow I'm going to go to campus to get my books and get ready for school... maybe that will help me pull out of it. I'm sure once school starts I won't have a problem - I'll be too busy to think about it.
We found out that Russ is going to AIT right after Basic Training, so that means this baby is going to have to be born on a weekend. Since my due date is a weekend, I'm thinking that I can just be induced on my due date (hopefully I don't go earlier!). I'm not sure they would let him take time off training in order to see his baby born. It's important for us that he is there for the birth, so induction is starting to sound like a good idea. I had to be on Pitocin for Vincente's delivery, so I already know that my body responds well to the drug. It's not incredibly dangerous or risking, especially if I get induced on or after my due date. I'm pretty sure of my due date, since we were trying to get pregnant for a few months before it actually happened. I was keeping track of dates :) Anyway, I've been talking to my friend, another Becca, who had to be induced with her first. She did it without an epidural or any other drugs at all (besides the GBS anti-biotic). Of course, she didn't feel any of the contractions except during transition. I was in (hard) labor for six days with Vincente, and I took it without an epidural. I won't say it was pleasant, or that I would EVER want to do it again, but I think if I can take hard contractions that long, I should be able to take the Pitocin induced contractions for a while. Not to mention that I had to sit through about an hour of REALLY strong Pitocin induced contractions before I delivered Vincente... that was probably the worst thing I have ever had to endure. Anyway, so I'm feeling more and more confident about that possibility. I've found a CNM in Sierra Vista (probably where we will live), and the hospital sounds really nice. I'm going to talk to my CNMs about it at my next prenatal checkup in a few weeks to see what they think.
Other than that, it's school... and school.... and being a mom! Alone. For the next 4 months. How depressing. I love Russ, and I miss him so much already, and he's only been gone less than 24 hours!! I don't want to admit it, but I'm in really bad shape... I'm still in my PJs and it's after 3pm. I haven't really had much to eat - just enough to keep me from being nauseas, and I haven't really done much productive today... even though I really should. Tomorrow I'm going to go to campus to get my books and get ready for school... maybe that will help me pull out of it. I'm sure once school starts I won't have a problem - I'll be too busy to think about it.
Monday, August 18
Ship the Grad
So it's been a while - things have been crazy with school and getting Russ ready to ship, not to mention raising a 1 1/2 year old and being pregnant all at the same time! Every time you think life is going to get a little easier, it never does, the challenges are just different at different stages in your life.
The plan is to ship Russ to Basic Training here in about a week. There's a lot to do this week - a huge to do list that hopefully will get done before he leaves. He'll be there for about three months, then hopefully we'll be able to go out for his graduation. The plan will probably be to fly into Little Rock and then drive up with my folks. After that it's either 6 months of AIT, or 2 years of learning Chinese in Cali at the DLI. I'm hoping for DLI first, since he can live with us and has the evenings off and such. With AIT, he lives in the barracks and only has the weekends off. In that case, when I have baby, it better come on a weekend!
The two minutes that I had to write are gone, and now Vincente is begging me to take him outside... sooo... outside we go!!
The plan is to ship Russ to Basic Training here in about a week. There's a lot to do this week - a huge to do list that hopefully will get done before he leaves. He'll be there for about three months, then hopefully we'll be able to go out for his graduation. The plan will probably be to fly into Little Rock and then drive up with my folks. After that it's either 6 months of AIT, or 2 years of learning Chinese in Cali at the DLI. I'm hoping for DLI first, since he can live with us and has the evenings off and such. With AIT, he lives in the barracks and only has the weekends off. In that case, when I have baby, it better come on a weekend!
The two minutes that I had to write are gone, and now Vincente is begging me to take him outside... sooo... outside we go!!
Tuesday, August 5
queasy
So I thought I had staved off morning sickness, but it just turns out that it didn't make its full force entrance until this past week. I'm trying to take it easy and try to get over the nausea, but some days it's really hard.
Bleh... hopefully it only lasts a few more weeks (like last pregnancy).
We'll see.
Bleh... hopefully it only lasts a few more weeks (like last pregnancy).
We'll see.
Saturday, August 2
the countdown
As is probably obvious from the lack of posts for the past few days, the boredom has ceased. Or at least eased. Life is picking up again, what with Russ leaving for Basic in a few weeks, school winding down, and Vincente becoming more and more of a toddler. Oh yeah, and the pregnancy. I've been trying to take it easy so I don't become a puking machine like I was with Vince. So far no vomit - but it's getting close. As long as I eat some dry cereal first thing in the morning while I'm laying down with a baby ice pack alternating from my stomach to my neck to my forehead and back again, I'm usually pretty good by lunch time. And I have to keep eating. I've also discovered hard mints work wonders as well, especially if I can't eat something right away. The little sugar rush spikes my blood sugar for a minute, and sucking on sometime helps ease the nausea. So I'm learning how to deal.
Russ is still working and working out and drilling for the National Guard. We only have three weeks left until he leaves for Basic. It's kind of depressing. We're making videos for Vince so he can remember Russ while he's gone. I don't want Vincente to forget his Pai in four months! But he's so little, it's going to be hard.
School this fall is going to be a challenge. Mostly because I will be away from Vincente for so much time every day. That is just going to be hard for me. It's already hard being away from him for 5 hours three days a week. But this fall it will be every day, and more time than that! :( I think I will start driving to school all the time so I can get there faster. We'll have to see how finances are in the fall.
Anyway, so there's life right now. Russ and I are planning a little weekend getaway right before he leaves, but we have to find a cheap place to stay first. Hopefully we can find something soon.
Russ is still working and working out and drilling for the National Guard. We only have three weeks left until he leaves for Basic. It's kind of depressing. We're making videos for Vince so he can remember Russ while he's gone. I don't want Vincente to forget his Pai in four months! But he's so little, it's going to be hard.
School this fall is going to be a challenge. Mostly because I will be away from Vincente for so much time every day. That is just going to be hard for me. It's already hard being away from him for 5 hours three days a week. But this fall it will be every day, and more time than that! :( I think I will start driving to school all the time so I can get there faster. We'll have to see how finances are in the fall.
Anyway, so there's life right now. Russ and I are planning a little weekend getaway right before he leaves, but we have to find a cheap place to stay first. Hopefully we can find something soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)