Families are Forever

We had a very merry Werner Christmas for 2011, with the presence of every member of my parents’ family – even Ross was there. Well, his picture was there, and we thought about him and talked about him a lot.

We took some family pictures (thanks, Victoria!) and when it was time for us to have the “mom and dad and offspring” picture, I kept looking around for Ross. There was someone missing. It was kind of hard. We really miss him.

 

As I was thinking about writing a post today, I remembered this oldy (but goody) from the LDS Church back in the 70s. The first time I heard it (when I was a kid) I cried my eyes out, and I still can’t get to the end without bawling.

It is a lot more poignant for me now. And I am so grateful for the testimony I have that families are forever.

“Dad, dad, it’s alright! Families are forever!”

“And he said, ‘Dad, dad, it’s alright! Families are forever!”

I Love to See The Temple

On Sunday I found an 11am ward meeting and took the kids. In all of my careful packing I had completely spaced bringing any of our church stuff. No books, no crayons, nothing. I did have a few toys, so I brought them hoping we could get through sacrament meeting without too much trouble. Apparently that was too much to ask of my travel weary children. They fought and screamed so much I had just about decided to leave church altogether when a really nice sister from the ward caught me as I was getting the kids into the car. She introduced herself and asked if she could help. I was in tears I was so frustrated. She offered to sit outside in the grass with Vincente so I could go in an listen to the meeting. My tears changed to tears of gratitude. She was so sweet. She even got Vincente ready for Primary and helped me find the class. I can’t for the life of me remember her name. I should have written it down somewhere! I felt really loved by Heavenly Father that day. He basically sent me an angel.

After church we went back to the hotel and met up with Meg (Geoff had left already) to have lunch and then head to the temple in Littleton. I had been trying to think of things to do while we were traveling that would help us keep the Sabbath day holy. Church took a good 4 hours, and a trip to see the temple grounds would be another couple of hours, then we could watch a Church video and have dinner and the kids would be ready for bed! It was a perfect plan, and other than the slight hang up at Church (which ended up with a beautiful blessing) Sunday was a perfect day.

It was fun to take Megann to the temple. She didn’t know much about the temples, so before we left I told her a few things and showed her the Church temple website and some pictures of both the inside and outside of the temple. On the drive to the temple I got to talk to her a little more about the temple and share my testimony of the temple. I love going to the temple. Even just being on the grounds feels really special to me. It melts my heart to see my children eagerly looking out the window trying to see the angel Moroni at the top of the temple as we got closer to it. I love that they love the temple so much. It was fun to find a new temple to visit.

There was a family of little bunnies hopping around the temple grounds. The kids got a kick out of that. The bunnies weren’t nearly as fond of the kids as the kids were of the bunnies.

We took some pictures at the temple and then headed back to the hotel and watched The Testaments: Of One Fold and One Shepherd (a movie that always makes me cry and is highly recommended – you can buy it here).

It was actually one of the best Sundays ever.

Lightbulbs

I had an epiphany the other day. Let me catch you up on a few things, first.

Things have been crazy here. Sometimes good crazy, sometimes bad crazy. I feel like I’m always writing that on here – my life is crazy. Well, it is.

And I have been struggling a lot with feeling like I am doing a much as possible in the day. Most days I get to bedtime and I wonder where on earth the day went, and how on earth I didn’t get the laundry done, the dishes washed, and the bathrooms spotless. Because I stay home all day, and don’t have any obligations outside of my family, I feel like I should be able to be super mom at home – super spotless house, great meals cooked, clean laundry folded and put away, not to mention spending hours playing with my children, reading to them, and going places with them.

Well, here was my epiphany. There are not that many hours in a day, and when most of them are punctuated by unexpected messes, potty accidents, and children fighting, they seem to get used up a lot faster.

I have always tried not to have too high of expectations for a clean house and home cooked meals because two small, very high energy children (if you know my kids, you know what I mean – touch touch touch touch, fight fight fight, talk talk talk talk talk, sound effects sound effects sound effects… it never ends. Seriously) make doing all that very hard, and I don’t want to spend my children’s entire childhood cleaning the house. I’d rather play with them, and the other stuff can wait. Sure I can teach them to clean with me – but honestly, that doesn’t really get stuff any cleaner because they make a bigger mess than they fix. But like I said, I’d rather do things with them and have a little bit dirty house because “babies don’t keep.”

  Back to my epiphany (that was only part of it) – I went though in my head what my day looks like. I wake up around 5:30 or 6 (on good mornings – i.e., when Russ hasn’t kept me up all night watching TV shows or movies or talking), so that I can have a few hours (usually only one) to myself to prepare for the day – I usually spend this time reading the scriptures and writing on my scripture blog. Then the kids wake up and I feed them breakfast around 7:30 or 8. By 9am I have cleaned up breakfast, and have the kids dressed and ready for the day. Then around noon, we eat lunch, then we read together and I put the kids down for naps around 2pm. By the time Joseline wakes up (and Vincente, if he even napped) we eat dinner, and then it’s time for bed. So, If you look at things this way, the only time I have to do much of anything is in the morning, for about 3 hours. Sure I have nap time, and I do a few things, but I don’t really like to spend my kids’ down time doing things I could do when they are awake, like cleaning. I prefer to do things I can’t do when they are awake – like reading a good book, writing, or taking a quick nap, myself.

Sure, things will change as my children (and our family) grow, but right now this is how it is, and I think that if I can keep realistic expectations – that is, be okay with only having essentially 3 hours in the day to get things done, then I should be fine. In fact, the reason I’ve been doing so much better the past several days is because I have been okay with it, and I’ve been planning my days better to take advantage of those few hours. And I’m much happier.

When I am feeling down for not keeping the house spotless, my dad reminds me of this poem:

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

(“Song for a Fifth Child” by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton, Ladies’ Home Journal October 1985)

I Love to See the Temple

This year the Primary is singing “I Love to See the Temple” for the Sacrament Meeting Program.

Vincente didn’t like to sit with his class in Primary. He much preferred to sit with me at the piano (I am the Primary pianist in our Portuguese ward). So one Sunday as I was playing “I Love to See the Temple,” I looked down to see Vincente taking everything out of my bags and stacking things up. I asked him what on earth he was doing.

“I’m building a temple!”

Look – Lightening McQueen is even going to the temple!

Good Men and a Great Country

 

I wanted to write something about Independence Day this year, but I couldn’t really think of anything eloquent, so I’m including a picture of the kids so that this post isn’t a complete waste.

I am proud to be an American, and I am proud to be an Army wife.

People say that our country doesn’t have any business fighting in countries like Afghanistan and Iraq, and other Middle Eastern countries. I do agree with those who say there are things we need to fix inside our own country first, but really, our problems, serious as they may be, are not even close to the problems people face in other countries.

Some people are losing faith in the “American Dream” but I think what we have really lost is work ethic, determination, and personal accountability. As a people, we have forgotten what is important, we have forgotten how to get what is important, and we have forgotten that the best part of having something is sharing it.

I hope this year, on this Independence Day, we can re-evaluate our “American Dream” and what we  are doing, not only to achieve our dream, but to share it with others – all around the world.

And I also hope that we will continue to fight to protect our freedoms that we enjoy in this country, particularly religious freedom.

I feel so blessed to live in this, the land of the free, and the home of the brave.

A Little Bit of Everything

I haven’t dropped off the face of the planet – I promise. There’s proof over here and over there. Okay, not super recent proof, but proof enough.

You know how when you’re climbing a mountain, you can’t really tell how far it is to the top when you’re actually on the mountain, doing the climbing. Well, that’s kind of how I feel right now.

Although, the nice thing about climbing a mountain is that you can usually stop for a breathtaking view every now and then, making the uncertainty of when you’ll reach the top somewhat bearable.

The view of the Arkansas River on the way up Pinnacle Mountain in Arkansas. I had a picture of the fog coming off the river from a different hike, but I couldn’t find it – so this will have to do. Not quite breathtaking, but beautiful nonetheless.

So we’re still working through some things (I say working through because we really are working through them. Things are getting better, not worse, so that’s good) but in the meantime, we’re enjoying the view from the side of the mountain.

Remember how much we missed this face? (photo courtesy of Vincente, of course) He came back from Brazil on May 15 with lots of goodies for us! Mostly books, but some flip flops for me (I basically live in flip flops – especially in the summer, but I’ve been known to wear them even in the dead of winter – as long as the ground is dry), and a berimbau, from which the airline took the tall stick – because they were going to charge him $100 to check it, and they wouldn’t let it in the cabin. Bummer. But Russ managed to take it apart and brought home everything except the long stick, which are not really a rare commodity around here.

Thanks to a lot of thiswith a few days of this in between, our yard has been growing a lot of these and a bunch of these

(disclaimer – the four previous pictures are not mine – I found them on Google images. I’m pretty sure as long as none of you say anything, no one will sue me. Right?)
Needless to say, whenever the heavens aren’t pouring their liquid gold upon us, we’ve been outside working the yard. I’ve got to put some before and afters of the little patch of our backyard where we laid some seed. Thanks to all the rain, it looks thick and luscious without us even running the sprinklers! And I wish I had taken pictures of our tulips. We ended up with mostly orangy-red ones, but a few yellows, purples, purple-whites, and a few pinks showed up later in the season. We’ve got what appear to be some dark purple irises coming up, too, and an unknown bush that I think is a hibiscus, but not entirely sure. And a lot of decorative grass. I mean… a LOT. If anyone wants some, please let me know, because I’m going to tear it all out.

Tonight we’ll be building the vegetable garden, and hopefully planting tomorrow. I know it’s kind of late in the season, but all this rain has made it nearly impossible to plant anything.

Russ mowed the lawn a little over a week ago, and it looks like a jungle again already! I’m not complaining – we’ve had to do a lot of repair work on the landscaping of this house. Remember what our yard used to look liked? (if you don’t, there are pictures in this post) I’ll post an update on the yard later, probably after we get the garden up.

We’ve been enjoying visits from friends – especially this friend who now lives very close to us, and who we adore very much!

We’ve been working out and running, and in general just plugging on with life.

Oh, and enjoying some really yummy watermelon ($.17/lb at Sunflower Market a few weeks ago! The absolute best! PS, Vincente took this picture)

So I can’t really complain about much, but I can’t wait to be at the top of the mountain. I’m sure the view will be amazing.

I’ll post a picture of the view from the top when we get there. And we will get there.

wisdom

Remember this recent post, and this one?

Sometimes I think Heavenly Father likes to build us up before He allows us to experience trials. That sounds kind of mean – seriously, it’s almost like a really mean joke. “Here are a bunch of blessings. And now I will try you beyond anything you’ve ever experienced.” I’m not sure if He is teaching me to appreciate my blessings more, or if He just wants to give me extra strength to get through the hard times.

But I know that Heavenly Father just knows so much more than we do. Our little human minds can’t even begin to fathom the duties and blessings He has in store for us.

In the talk from Elder Cook that I quoted in my last post, he goes on to recite this passage from Doctrine and Covenants – when Joseph Smith is in jail and cries to God, and Heavenly Father, in His infinite wisdom and mercy comforts Joseph with this powerful promise:

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high.”

Recently in our family scripture study we have been reading 2 Nephi 2, where Lehi teaches his family about opposition and gives an excellent logical argument for God existing. Elder Cook teaches us (in that same talk) that an essential gospel doctrine “is that there must be opposition in all things for righteousness to be brought to pass.”

Well, we’re definitely experiencing that.

“We know from the scriptures that some trials are for our good and are suited for our own personal development. We also know that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. It is also true that every cloud we see doesn’t result in rain.”

Right now, what we are experiencing is a very very ominous looking cloud. It hasn’t rained (yet) and we hope that it won’t, and fortunately, this cloud is the kind that we can blow away if we have enough faith and work hard enough.

But the best part about having trials?

“Regardless of the challenges, trials, and hardships we endure, the reassuring doctrine of the Atonement wrought by Jesus Christ includes Alma’s teaching that the Savior would take upon Him our infirmities and ‘succor his people according to their infirmities.’”

Being able to partake of the atoning sacrifice of our Savior, and feel its power in our lives, and feel the Savior succoring us, “according to [our] infirmities.”

And how sweet that feeling is.

hope ya know, we had a hard time

“…many of the trials and hardships we encounter in life are severe and appear to have lasting consequences. Each of us will experience some of these during the vicissitudes of life.” (Elder Quentin L. Cook)

We’re experiencing a little bit of this right now and could use some extra prayers.

Don’t ask for any details, because I won’t give them, but we could use some extra prayers for the next little while.

Monday Musings – To Delay Action

From the Google Dictionary:

wait
    verb /wāt/
waited, past participle; waited, past tense; waiting, present participle; waits, 3rd person singular present

1. Stay where one is or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens

We had scheduled our home study for Wednesday a week and a half ago, and about 45 minutes before our appointment, our licenser called and said he was stuck in traffic, so we would have to reschedule. Well, we rescheduled for Tuesday, and then on Monday we remembered that it was Vincente’s first T-ball game that night. So we called our licensor on Tuesday morning and asked if we could reschedule (again!) – and not three hours later, we were getting phone calls from the rec center saying the game had been rained out.

So since Russ is going to be gone for two weeks (military stuff) we have to wait until he gets back for the home study.

What we thought was the last step to getting our foster care license and getting a placement has turned into the last leap. As frustrating as it is, we know that this is the right thing for us to be doing right now, and there is a reason for all the waiting.

Probably to teach Miss-Impatience over here to be okay with waiting.

I am not okay with waiting.

Monday Musings - Good Reads and Motherhood

Being a mother is all it’s cracked up to be. And more. I love it. And my attitude about motherhood is improving every minute. It’s a lot like marriage. When you are young (and not married) you have this sort of “fairy tale” impression of marriage. You’ll find the love of your life, making covenants in the temple, and the rest of your life will be utter bliss.

And then you get married and realize that marriage is a whole lot of work, patience, love, and getting to know each other. Especially getting to know yourself.

Sometimes the same thing happens with motherhood.

As a young girl, you look at the moms of small kids and think how awesome it must be to have those precious children and raise them all your own and do their hair and dress them up and take them to ball games and out for ice cream.

And then you have kids. And you realize that motherhood is a whole lot of work, patience, love, and getting to know each other. Especially getting to know yourself.

For a little while you may say to yourself “What on earth was I thinking?” among other things that you may or may not admit to yourself. Like “I wish I could just give them back!” or “I’m never having another kid.” or “I wish I could just start over.”

But none of that is constructive, and you did at one time want to be a mother, which I don’t think was just naïveté. I think the Spirit does a really good job of planting the seed of motherhood in every young girl. We want to be mothers. We crave motherhood, even if we don’t know exactly what it is like. But that is what this mortal experience is all about – experiencing new things and doing things that we have never done before.

So instead of thinking all those crazy thoughts that we deny ever even having, we should be praying for the Lord to give us strength to do things that we don’t think are possible – like keeping our cool when our kids pee on the carpet, draw on the walls, and throw their spaghetti (sauce and all) on our brand new shirt and favorite pants.

It helps to remind ourselves that they are just little people, too, who are here in this mortal life for the same reasons we are – to experience new things and do things that they have never done before. And it’s our job to help them in that journey, because even though our journey isn’t done yet, we have experienced more of it than they have, and we are (hopefully) able to guide them through it all and help them make sense of the whole thing.

I have been reading a lot about motherhood lately (it is, after all, my full time job, and I want to be the best employee I can be).

I wrote my thoughts about the things I read over on my scripture study blog. At the bottom of the post I listed the articles I’ve been reading. I highly recommend the one about Quality and Quantity Time by Beppie Harrison.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother, and I am glad that I had such a strong desire to be a mother when I was young and I’m even more grateful that I am learning to love being a mother. It is a lot more work than I ever thought it would be (it’s emotional, physical, spiritual, and temporal work) …

… but it is the best work I have ever done.

More Good

I’m feeling good and loving how our life is going right now, which is no excuse not to write blog posts. Part of the lack of blog posts might be that I still don’t have our camera (hopefully I remember it get it when we visit the in-laws for Easter).

Why am I so happy? Well, let me tell you what’s on my “happy list” right now:

- I’m getting stronger (I got to a power pump class at the gym on Tues and Thurs, and I can feel the strength and stamina I’m developing. Now I just need to start running again, since the weather is good)

- Russ and I have better gospel discussions and are more unified as parents and spouses. We have Family Home Evening, family prayer, we read scriptures together as a family, and are working on worshipping better on the Sabbath day.

- We are one step away from getting our foster care license! (home study tomorrow!)

- The military (finally!) paid a huge chunk of Russ’ student loans (almost HALF of the loan!!) and will make another payment this fall, and the fall after that.

- The military fixed our address in their system (finally!) and we are now getting paid enough to cover our housing expenses!

- Russ will be coaching Vincente’s T-ball team this spring, which starts next week!

- We’ve been to the eye doctor, I’ve had my first yearly exam (ever!), and the kids are getting caught up on their shots (we’ve been a little lazy about following our alternative schedule – but most of that has to do with moving around so much), and I’m going to the chiropractor regularly again, so my hips are feeling a LOT better.

- We’ve been getting a lot of work done on the yard (I thought that I had posted about how it looked before,  but I can’t find the post – so here are some pics of last fall):

The lawn is getting really green, and we have cleaned up all of the weeds and trees (well, the big ones). My plan for next week is to mow the front lawn, then weed & feed. Then in a month I’ll re-seed the parts of the front lawn that need help. The backyard is being re-seeded, and we expanding the dog run so we don’t feel so bad about keeping them cooped up. Plus, we’ve been taking them out on walks/runs/dog park visits more often so that they can get some much needed exercise. And I’ve also done a few home projects – I replaced the water line to the fridge, so we can finally use the water and ice maker in the fridge. I also replaced a motion sensor light on our back deck. The sensor was defective or something, because it would turn off and on and off and on… sooo annoying. I replaced it with a fixture that didn’t have a motion sensor, since we only want the light to be ON. We’ll hopefully be adding some motion sensor lights to the corners of the house soon. We’re also going to replace the light at the front door (which is completely broken…) and put motion sensor lights on the side of the garage door.

We’re going to replace some light fixtures and fans around the house, and replace the doors and door hardware (these two things will happen in the next few months). And this summer we’ll put in tile in the dining room (which is currently carpeted) and replace the tile in the kitchen.

We have to do things piece by piece because our cash flow is relatively low (some day Russ will be promoted). But we feel blessed because we have very little debt (and we’re paying that off) and some savings (which we’re adding to) and very low expenses, so we’re able to accomplish a lot of the things that we want to, even with our limited income. I’m always astonished with how much we are actually able to do each month with our limited paycheck. It always seems to be more than it really is.

Well, that’s why life is good here. I hope life is good for you, too!

Monday Musings - His Plan

 
I have been having a hard time lately trying to make sense of some spiritual promptings that I have had. I won’t disclose the specifics, but I have been having strong promptings about a certain thing. However, when I think about our life right now and the situation we are in, the prompting doesn’t seem to fit, or make sense.

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to deal with promptings. Obviously there are some promptings that you just take and run with it (like, “Call so-and-so.” Obviously, that’s probably a right now kind of prompting). But then there are more general impressions you receive, like “Have more kids.” and “Get a job.” Or something like that.

I am a believer of the principle explained in Doctrine & Covenants Section 9

Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.

But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

So when I receive one of those “general” impressions, I try to study it out and then take my “interpretation” to the Lord for approval. Sometimes I feel that burning in my bosom, and other times, I get the stupor of thought.

I also have to be very careful that I don’t inject “my” will into the impression. I have to work really hard at making sure that my will is in line with God’s will (and it isn’t all the time… which is frustrating).

The good news is that I think I have figured out those “general” impressions that the Lord has been giving me.

I’ll let you know how it works out.

My New Normal v. 5.0

(one of the do’s from here on Joss… yes, this is in Sacrament Meeting. Sue me)

You may remember that I am on a continuous quest to find my new normal. It (my normal) changes as the seasons change – both the literal seasons, and the metaphorical ones.

For a while, I didn’t have a very good grasp of the concept, and was down on myself for not getting enough done each day. (read: not doing the dishes, keeping the house sanitary, reading to my kids, etc). I’m not sure what on earth I was doing, but it most definitely wasn’t being productive.

So I went into “super-structured-productivity” mode where I attempted to write every task I could do on an index card, put them in a box, and tried to go through them in the day. Rarely did I get all of them done, and more often than not, I would end up at noon with 5 cards before the one that said “Lunch.” Obviously, that method wasn’t working.

For a while, I tried paring down the cards, but that just left me frustrated at the end of the day, because I wasn’t doing everything I really wanted to do.

Then I ditched all methods of organization and structure completely. Which basically led to chaos and destruction.

Finally, I read President Uchtdorf’s talk for the millionth time (okay, probably for the 30th – but dude, for a Conference talk, that’s a LOT of reads!) – this time I read it to prepare a talk for Sacrament Meeting. Remember that one I wrote in Portuguese? Well, I guess this time, the talk actually got through to me. And all those other times I thought I had been learning something.

Well, I don’t know if it was the actual words of the talk, or just all the gears the talk got turning, but I finally figured it out.

What did I figure out?

This:

 There has to be a balance between structure and flexibility.

The structure part needs to be those four most important relationships that President Uchtdorf talked about. The flexibility is for all the other stuff (the laundry, the dishes, etc etc).

In my new normal it means this:

- meal times are structured. They happen at (roughly) the same time every day. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner.

- morning devotional, “preschool”, special play time, reading time, and nap time happen at (roughly) the same time every day.

- everything else goes on a card in the box, and I do the cards as I can throughout the day.

                                          (Vincente doing Warrior 2)

So far this has been leaving me feeling great. I feel good because the most important things are there (I’m taking care of the temporal and spiritual needs of myself and my children), and I can still get a lot of the other things done. You know, the semi-important things like having clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat off of, and food in the cupboards.

I’m still tweaking the cards – I think I’m going to start having the ones I have to do every day, and then the “other stuff” that carries over to the next day if I didn’t get to all of it today. Instead of always washing the toilets, and never vacuuming (seriously, I like cleaning toilets probably more than any other chore. Call me weird. Or maybe a veteran BYU custodian. Either one works.)

But at least now I am less stressed, I feel like I’m doing the most important things, and I still feel like a good wife and mother (i.e., the house is – mostly – clean when Russ gets home from work, and dinner is either ready, or getting ready). My kids like me more, and I get to play with them more often, and do the things they want to do, instead of having some system or schedule control me. I can drop what I’m doing and go play with them, and then just come back to the task later, because there is no pressure to “get ‘er done” before lunch. I’ll just stop and do lunch if it gets to be lunch time.

P.S. I left my camera at the in-laws (over 30 miles away) and therefore will only be posting pictures from my iPhone or from forevers ago until further notice. My sincerest apologies. And eventually I will post more birthday stuff for Vince. I do love him, I promise. I just left all his bday pics on the camera in Salem. Sad day.

Monday Musings – Breastfeeding, the outcast

I have been thinking about breast feeding a lot lately. Mostly I’ve been thinking about all the misunderstandings surrounding breast feeding. What has spurred this? No, I’m not pregnant (but I wish I was – more about that later). I think what started me thinking so strongly about breast feeding was finding that my aunt who just had her first baby has stopped breastfeeding before her baby was 2 months old because “her milk dried up.”

Now, before I go on, let me say that I know that there are some women who just can’t (physically) breastfeed. But let me also say that the number is a lot smaller than people think it is. However, there are a lot of women who emotionally can’t breastfeed, due to lack of support or lack of desire. I think those are the two real reasons why women aren’t successful at breast feeding. And really, the lack of desire is closely linked to the lack of support. Women who were brought up in “non breast feeding” homes I think are more likely to lack the desire to breast feed.

The whole perception of breastfeeding is what is messed up. Too many people think that breastfeeding is something that is nice to do “if you can” but not essential, and it’s “okay” if you don’t breastfeed. Sure, in way, that’s true. You’re not a sinner if you don’t breastfeed. However, breastfeeding is completely natural, normal, and is actually how God intended for us to feed our children. He didn’t make women produce milk “just in case” someone didn’t come up with formula.

Being a strong advocate of adoption, I completely understand the significance of better infant formula that is almost as good as breast milk (formula will never ever be as good a breast milk. Ever.) There are infants who would die if it wasn’t for formula. So for that, I’m grateful for formula.

But there are women who plan on feeding formula for the majority of their baby’s lives. Vincente never had formula, and Joseline only had formula a handful of times (and I think they were all when I was gone longer than expected).

Now, back to the perception of breast feeding. To a lot of women (even those who are stay at home moms) “breast feeding” involved pumping breast milk, sticking it in a bottle, and giving it to the baby.

This is not breastfeeding. The only time a mother should be pumping is when the baby cannot latch (ie, a preemie, severe latching problems, or separation). I pumped for Joseline when I was away from her for a weekend when she was about 5 months old.

I think part of the problem is that women don’t associate having a baby with breastfeeding. There is a reason why milk comes in when you have a baby. It’s because you are supposed to put that baby on your breast and nourish it.

BREASTS ARE FOR BREASTFEEDING. Sure, they are for other things, as well, but their very nature is for breastfeeding. Women think of their breasts as a sex symbol. We worry about our cup size, we worry about how a shirt makes our breasts look. But breasts are originally and ultimately for breast feeding our children. That’s why even very small-breasted women (like myself  - I barely fill an A cup) can still breastfeed successfully (Baby #1 – 10.5 months, exclusively breastfed until solid food around 4.5/5 months when he started cereals; Baby #2 – 12 months, exclusively breastfed for 6 months). Both of my babies are ultra healthy, have never had ear infections, and have never had anything worse than the sniffles.

I think that if women who wanted to get pregnant would equate that with wanting to breastfeed, and would think about breastfeeding while they were thinking about what color to paint the nursery, there would be better breastfeeding figures in our society.

I do not judge women who choose not to breastfeed (whether for real or perceived real reasons) but please do not spread your lack of enthusiasm for breast feeding to new or expectant mothers. Too often, I hear this from people who (often) chose not to breastfeed (because it was hard because ______ – news flash – breastfeeding is NOT easy, just like being a mother is not easy. Oh wait, that’s right, breastfeeding is part of being a mother). I hear people saying “It’s okay if you can’t (read: don’t want to) breast feed. Your kids will be just as healthy if you don’t.”

THIS IS NOT TRUE! Sure, choosing to formula feed your babies is not giving them a death sentence. But PLEASE do not tell people flat out lies – that formula fed babies are just as healthy as breast fed babies because THIS IS JUST COMPLETELY NOT TRUE. NOT TRUE. NOT TRUE!!! It is a load of crap mothers feed themselves (and others) to make themselves feel better for not breast feeding. Well, I have two things to say to that:

#1) You have no reason to feel bad about choosing not to breast feed. Like I said before, it is not a sin. If you really do feel bad, then make up for it by encouraging other new mothers to breast feed – not by spouting untruths to them to make yourself feel better.

#2) It is a scientifically proven fact that breast fed babies are indeed healthier than formula fed babies. SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN.

You know what, breast feeding is even so important that the Surgeon General of the United States himself has issued a call to support breast feeding.

Breast feeding is natural, normal, and our God-given ability as mothers. Have faith in that God-given ability, and go find help from people who know what they are doing, and by golly, breast feed your child! Don’t pump and give them a bottle – latch that baby on your breast and let them drink the liquid gold that your body creates in a beautiful miracle. If it hurts, find out why and fix it! Don’t just give up because it hurts for two weeks. Fix your latch, talk to a lactation consultant, call La Leche League, go to your OB, your midwife, your friend, your neighbor, SOMEONE, and GET HELP!

And then, if you really can’t breastfeed – then blessings to you for trying, and for wanting to, and for doing everything you could to keep breastfeeding, and my heart goes out to you – you are a great mother, and please help other women breastfeed, don’t feed them a load of crap just because you weren’t able to breastfeed – you are still a good person, and breast is still best.

Sorry for my rant. I hope I don’t offend anyone. I just had to get that off my chest.

Breastfeeding reads:
The Surgeon General's call
Dr Jack Newman’s website
La Leche League International

Caution: Bumpy Road

This is what our life has been like the last week – a very, very bumpy road. Thank goodness it’s almost over, and everything has worked out.

I’m always amazed at our Father’s ability to make the hard times not seem so bad.

Among the issues of the week was Russ’ car’s alternator dying. He got it to start at work in Lehi and drove it all the way down Redwood Rd and it died waiting for the light to cross Bangerter highway. So I gave him a little nudge with the van (which scratched the paint on my beautiful bumper!!) and he made it across the intersection. Then I put a cloth shopping bag on my bumper and gave him another little push into a bank parking lot where we jumped his car. It made it a little farther down the road, but then he had to stop at a red light and it died again. So we pulled it over and charged his battery again a little with my car. Rinse and repeat, basically. This time, he made it to the left turn lane right in front of AutoZone and was able to push the car into the parking lot. We had originally thought it was the battery (which apparently in a Dodge Stratus you have to get at through the wheel well -  we will never ever own one of these cars again… ever) but at this point we were pretty sure it was the alternator. Sure enough – the battery was fine, but it needed a new alternator. Our favorite shop is all the way in West Valley, and at this point we were in South Jordan (10400 S 1500 W ish). The shop is at 5600 W and 3100 S. Oh yeah, and it’s been raining pretty much this whole time). So we buy a tow cable at AutoZone and hook up Russ’ car to the van and tow it all the way across the western Salt Lake Valley. It was an adventure. I was actually really enjoying myself. I had prayed the whole time that we would make it safely to the auto parts store (because I figured we just needed a new battery, and the guys at AutoZone could help us figure out how to replace the battery).

Well, we made it safely, and sure enough it needed a new alternator, and it’s all fixed and ready to go for us (we seriously really love this shop – they do a great job, warranty their parts and labor, and you don’t have to pay out your nose for it! and they are honest, and helpful, and fast – we left the car there last night with the key in the drop box, and by the time I called at 9am, they had looked at the car and were finding out which part to order so they could call and give me a quote. Then they called around noon to tell me it was done and ready for pickup).’

So we’re doing well, and have experienced the fact that Heavenly Father doesn’t always make our life peachy, even when we have faith – but he does help us through our trials, whether by actually making them lighter, or by making them seem lighter.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Philippians 4:13