How Many Pancakes...

...does it take to fill three bellies?

Well, apparently only seven. But I made... hmm... 20?

I underestimated the filling power of
whole-wheat-chocolate-chip-cinnamon-banana pancakes.
Yes, they were delectable.

I figured I had to add stuff to them
since I cheated and used Krusteaz mix.
(the only time I use mix is camping)
Hopefully they keep well...
I’m worried because they have bananas in them,
but maybe if I stick ‘em in the freezer?

Or maybe someone wants to come over and finish them off for me

Update 9/17/2010: By popular demand, the recipe.

Monday Musings – Vacation

I need  a vacation.

Badly.

Thankfully we found this house to live in down in Arizona and we’ll be staying close to post. We’ll get to see Russ a little, and have a backyard, and there are some fun things to do in Arizona. I have declared September as the month of perpetual vacation.

We’ll also be closing on our house in September, which will be the crowning glory of this summer (along with Russ’ graduation).

It’s been a long summer and I’m just glad it’s almost over.

Looking back, I’m trying to figure out what good things came out of this summer. A lot of things, I’m sure. I learned a lot. I mean a lot. It has been really good for me. I don’t know that I grew a lot this summer, but I think this summer has planted the seeds for growth for the next several years.

I have met a lot of really neat people, and I have been on the receiving end of some really great service and blessings.

I have become stronger – I can run nearly 6 miles without a problem, and I could probably do more than that, but I’ve put running on the back burner right now.

I wish I could say that my testimony has been strengthened, but I think it has been mostly stagnant. I think I will spend the next few days working on that. Throw myself into prayer and the scriptures. Figure out what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing right now (rather than just “waiting” for the summer to end). That kind of thing. I’ll definitely let you know how it goes.

By the way, if you haven’t yet, go here and create your Mormon.org profile – and share the mormon.org website with anyone and everyone!

Monday Musings – The Living Room Floor

On Saturday I posted as my status update on Facebook that I felt like lying on the living room floor all day. I tied the puppies outside to the garbage can and left them with a bowl of water (don’t worry, it was in the shade) I got my pillow and my blanket and my cell phone (in case Russ called) and did just that. Laid on the living room floor. Joseline played around me, Vince played upstairs and occasionally came down to show me something.

In the meantime, I tried to sleep and forget about the aching heart in my chest.

It didn’t work, but I did sleep a little – and then realized I was dehydrated, which was probably the second largest contributor to my desire to lay on the floor all day.

I fed the kids lunch, sort of cleaned up (i.e. put all the dishes in the sink and put the leftovers in the fridge), fed the puppies, and then went straight back to the floor.

Fortunately Joseline eventually went down for a nap, and I decided I should probably see if the puppies needed to do #2, since they were on the concrete and only had access to about a foot of dirt/grass/garden space. While we were out with the puppies, Vince decided he wanted to ride his bike.

Which is huge. Because he hates riding his bike.

He pedaled. A lot. Really fast. And uphill! Okay, he needed a little help with the uphill part.

We probably spent an hour out in the hot hot air (the sun was mostly behind the clouds) riding his bike. He rode his bike. I mostly watched. And eventually got a bike to ride as well, because he wanted me to ride with him. The only time he wanted to get off his bike was to get a drink because he was working so hard. He would say “When you got really strong feet, the rollers will go!”  I would tell him to have “strong feet” when he was pushing the pedals, because sometimes it’s kind of hard. He did a great job, and didn’t want to stop, but we had to come inside because Joseline was awake. He has been asking to go back out on his bike ever since. Thankfully it’s cooling down (the high later this week is in the low 90s!! AAAH!!) so we’ll probably get out more often. And we have a nice flat driveway in West Jordan when we move back to UT, so he’ll be able to ride there (and a concrete patio area in the back where he can ride while I’m up observing from the kitchen window!)

Back to the living room floor. 

I’ve been having a hard time with this grieving thing. If you read my post about my brother, you know that I like to Google things. So, in true form, I Googled “How to Grieve” and came upon this website.

I particularly liked what it had to say about “getting over it” :

Myth #3: Grief is something you "get over."

Most people never stop grieving a death; they learn to live with it. Grief is a response, not a straight line with an endpoint. Many psychologists bristle at words such as "acceptance" or "resolution" or "healed" as a final stage of grief. The real stages of grief involve tasks of processing and adjustment that one returns to all through life.

That struck me, because all this time I have been thinking that I will “get over” the death of my brother. But I won’t. I do know that the Savior’s atonement can help heal my heart and teach me how to live with and adjust to the fact that my brother is no longer here. It’s going to be hard, and probably a long road (one that will no doubt stretch until my own passing), but I will learn to live with it. The loss will become part of me. The Savior will absorb the hurt for me and help me adjust to my new normal of living without my brother.

And I’m getting help. So don’t worry – there will be no more days of me lying around on the living room floor all.day.long.

When Your Gut Screams ‘No!’ but Your Mouth Says ‘Of course, I’d be glad to.’

My mom had a sign on her mirror for a long time that said this: Stress is when your gut screams ‘No!’ but your mouth says ‘Of course, I’d be glad to.’

I feel like this is saying “We create our own stress by not being okay with our limits.” Sure, we can push and test our limits sometimes – and our limits should certainly always be expanding - but if we’re not ready to expand our limits (and we need to be ready) we should just do what we can do, and don’t do what we can’t do.

For example, we can’t redeem ourselves, but we can do a lot of righteous things, and we can believe in Christ and let Him redeem us. We do what we can do, and Christ does what we can’t do.

I know this is doctrine, because it says so in 2 Nephi:

“...for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.”

This week has been really long for me. Most of you probably know that. If you don’t, read my previous post. Then you’ll know part of what I mean.

On top of that, for some reason beyond my understanding, I agreed to watch my twin nieces the same week I was bringing home two 8 week old puppies. Of course, I wasn’t anticipating my brother to pass away the day after I brought the puppies home. And I wasn’t expecting to switch my flight and get on an airplane in all of 24 hours. And I certainly wasn’t expecting to be as depressed as I have been.

Even though when I found out I would be alone watching the twins, my two kids, and the new puppies, and my gut screamed “No!” a little bit, I thought that was just my own selfishness, and that I should just work through that and do it anyway – after all, my help was needed, and I was willing to give (although I have recently learned that willing ≠ able). So I gave. But I really didn’t have anything to give.

So this week has been long. I have been stressed. And it’s not over yet. I can’t see the blue skies yet, even though I know they are there.

And next time my gut screams “No!” I’m going to take its advice.

 

PS – things are actually going pretty well with the puppies.

And the kids, for that matter.

I can’t wait to have our fenced backyard, though :-6

What’s Up, Doc?

I am going to design a header for our Family History website! I’ve already been thinking about all kinds of cool things to do. It’s going to be fun.

Word on the street is that we’re also going to have a blog on the website! That will be fun, too.

I’ve been tutoring more for tutor.com. You should check it out.

They’re hiring right now in the following subjects:

· Math Subjects
o Algebra 2
o Geometry
o Trigonometry
o Calculus
o Statistics
· Science Subjects
o Earth Science
o Biology
o Chemistry
o Physics
· Humanities
o English and essay writing tutors who can tutor on Sundays and between the hours of midnight and 3:00 AM Eastern time

It takes a little while to complete the application process (you have to take some subject tests, submit a background check, etc). If you have any questions, let me know. I like it.

I have also been running, doing yoga (Namaste!), and doing a crazy workout in the morning (Basic Training style workout – it’s pretty intense, and Danielle is like a Drill Sergeant. Whoa.)

Trying to keep up with my goals and stuff. I was a little lazy today, but I did take the kids to the pool (oh yeah, we go to the pool pretty much every day except Sunday – for obvious reasons – and Monday, because it’s closed). And I took (and passed) the test to tutor Geometry at Tutor.com. I’m going to take the Algebra, Trig, and Physics tests next. Hopefully I can keep up all my math skills. I still want to start teaching next fall. *crossing my fingers!*

So yeah, that’s basically what’s up around here. Just keeping my head above water and trying to swim to the other side. Hopefully getting a tan and building some endurance (physical as well as spiritual) on the way...

...see you on the other side.

How Do I Breathe

I finally talked to my sweet heart today.

After three.stinking.days.

I have no idea how I made it through basic training without him.

Well, he made me promise to email him every day.

Having an iPhone will have never been so handy!

Oh, and Russ called and emailed

My sweetheart called last night! In the middle of the night, as usual. Stupid time difference. I think either we should all not do daylight savings time, or we all should do daylight savings time. None of this each-state-chooses-for-itself.

That’s just downright annoying.

Anyway, we only talked for about 20 minutes (he was using a friend’s phone – thanks Dan and Michelle!!) and mostly it was stressful and not a good conversation.

I’m the kind of person who tells Russ everything.

Really. No really, everything. I like to tell him about how I got bit by mosquitoes, how I am now my parents’ official cook, how I won 3rd place in the Dino Dash in my age division, how I had strep, but got over it. I think maybe there’s stuff he doesn’t really want to know, but he’s my hubby, so his job is to care about every detail of my life – even if it’s gross or stupid or ridiculous.

He does a really good job caring, by the way.

So I had written him a gazillion emails before the phone call. And then after the phone call I wrote him another gazillion emails.

And while he was up on fireguard, he wrote me back. Several really cute, really short, really perfect, really sweet emails that made my life.

So now I know he read my emails, he knows what’s going on in my head, and that’s what is important to me.

Now if only I could get in his head… mysterious Russ :)

Keeping Busy

We’ve got a full summer ahead of us! Which is great.

This Saturday is the Museum of Discovery’s Discovery Fest and DinoDash! (a 5K/1K to raise money for the museum). Then next week is Riverfest (Yay!) and the community pool opens! I just bought our pool pass/fitness club pass today. It was actually pretty cheap, since it’s just me – the kids are free at the pool. I’m also going to pay for the fitness classes. And I signed Vincente up for swim lessons!

So, we’ve got the DinoDash, Riverfest, then we’re doing a neighborhood yardsale on the 5th, then I’m going to go with my BFF to take bridal portraits (yay, Meg!) and then we go to UT for Christy’s wedding, then we come back for a few weeks, then we go to AZ for 4th of July festivities, then we come back, then Vince takes swim lessons, then Meg gets married at the end of July, then August, then September, then RUSS! Still got to figure out how to fill up August and September. I’m sure I’ll figure something out.

In the mean time, my weekly activities will involve running (gotta get ready for the 20K in Sept!), going to the gym (yoga from my old seminary teacher, then I’m going to try out some other random fitness classes to find a few I like) then going to the pool ALL the time (we’re basically going to live at the pool). At some point I’m going to get my hair cut. And I’m going to learn Bach's Partita No 3 on the violin and play it at a recital in the fall before we leave. Oh yeah, and don’t forget the Children’s Theater! That’s going to be a good chunk of the first half of the summer, too.

And hopefully I’ll start tutoring again some next week. I just need to feel settled in. And having some contact from Russ would help. I’m starting to just treat it like Basic. Maybe he’ll call, maybe he won’t, and if he does, it’s only once a week. I’m sure he’s super busy. Plus, Russ is the kind of guy that doesn’t always call. Not because he’s no thinking of us. He’s just not a “calling on the phone” kind of guy. He’s praying for us and thinking of us constantly, I know. It’s just nice to get that phone call every now and then.

Well, I promised Vincente that I would take him shopping to buy goggles for his swim lessons. He’s pretty excited. Maybe we’ll go tomorrow.

I also have to go to Savers and see if I can find a rock and roll t-shirt to wear in the “Rock-n-Stroll” 5K next weekend at Riverfest. Since I don’t want to dress up like a rock star (can you see me looking like Bon Jovi? Wow)

I’ll try to remember to keep batteries in my camera so I can capture all our fun events over the next few months. And chronicle them here on my blog. And eventually try to use Photoshop and scrapbook a little 8-o

Ha – that’s what I’ll do in August and September – scrapbook! Play Catch up. Maybe get some books printed. Sweet.

In a Far Away Land

Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a prince and a princess. The Prince had to leave the Princess for five and a half months, and the Princess missed him dearly. The loneliness birds had begun to lay stone eggs in her heart.

Every day she would fill with tasks and events, parties and engagements, hoping to fill the void left by the Prince’s absence. But to no avail. The Princess pined after her Prince.

Each night the Princess would resist sleep. It was hard to lay her head on her pillow without her Prince there next to her to sing her to sleep, as he often did.

How she longed for his sweet voice to sing her gently to sleep.

Wasting Away Again

I'm in one of those "funks" again - the ones where I don't want to do anything but talk to Russ. I've tried to distract myself by working on school work, but I can't even focus on that. I'm sooo going crazy. I need to talk to him. I need to know if we can come see him for Thanksgiving. I NEED to see him for Thanksgiving. 

I really need to talk to Russ. Nothing will happen until I've been able to talk to him. No school work, no house work... I can hardly play with Vincente right now because I'm so distracted. I need my sweetheart. I need to hear his voice. I need to talk to him. I need him.

I think seeing him last week got me hooked again. 12 more days of school, then its a few weeks of vacation and then RUSS FOREVER! Saying that just makes me even more depressed that it's only today... and I haven't talked with him for a few days. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him...

The Best Day of My Life

After the day I married Russ and the day Vincente was born... so technically the third best day of my life, but that doesn't make nearly as catchy a title.

This morning we woke up super early so we could get through the gate at the post and find the theater where the graduation was held. We got there in plenty of time (and good thing, because by the time the thing started it was standing room only!). We got a seat in the third or fourth row back. Just before the ceremony started, Delta Company, 48th Infantry Battalion marched in to the theater. They kind of went around the back, so we went out on the front steps and watched them come in.

Russ has been Platoon guide for the past two or three weeks, so he was at the corner of his platoon right in front of the Drill Sergeant, which was nice because it made it really easy to see him. I kept pointing him out to Vincente. They marched across the stage first when they came in, and then they stood up on stage in platoons, introducing themselves. When Russ introduced himself, I think Vincente finally recognized that Papai was here (he heard Russ' voice!).

After the ceremony, the platoons lined up outside to meet their families. I don't know what I was expecting from Vincente, but when we walked up to Russ, I said "Here's Papai!" And Russ reached out to see if Vincente would come to him. At first, Vince looked a little unsure, but when I started handing him off, he got all smiley and went right to Russ, and started touching his nose and eyes and mouth and cuddling against Russ' shoulder.

It was the best thing I have ever seen. Vincente knew exactly who Russ was, and become Russ' little buddy right from the first moment he saw him.

My dad took us out to eat and then watched Vincente for us for a while so we could have some couple time. Then we took Vincente to the park while my dad went golfing. Vincente was super fun at the park. It was amazing to me how much Portuguese Vince spoke when he was with Russ! It was like the lights turned on, and he started spewing Portuguese!! I've been trying to keep him familiar with Portuguese - using the Portuguese word for things, etc, but Vince never seems to want to speak Portuguese with me. With Russ, that's all he wanted to speak! You wouldn't think he even remembered any Portuguese. Kids are so smart, and Vince picked it up really fast!

We had steak for dinner, then took Russ back to the barracks. Vince was loving Pai the whole way there, saying "Eu te amo, eu te amo, eu te amo..." over and over again. I could tell that he didn't want Russ to leave. He kept trying to get Russ to look at the moon and the stars with him. Then when it was finally time to leave Russ, I held out my arms for Vincente. Usually when I do that (when he is with anyone but Russ) Vince almost leaps into my arms. He actually pushed my face away when I tried to get him from Russ. Poor little guy just wanted to stay with his Papai.

I finally got him back in the car, and his face looked soooo forlorn. It mirrored the ache that started swelling up in my heart. Then I distracted him by promising to buy him chicken nuggets for dinner.

So that was our wonderful day. Oh yes, and I told Russ what we're having - it's a girl!! I will have an entire post for that once I get back to Arkansas. I'll also update this post with a few more pictures from graduation (since all of the pictures from the graduation are on my dad's camera).

Oh yes, and Russ is actually flying out to California... not to Arizona... so instead of us making a big move to AZ in January, we may be PCSing to CA in January... crazy Army orders changing.

Internet!

I didn't realize how addicted I have become to the internet until we were without internet (and phone?) for nearly the entire day!! What made it worse is that I stayed home with Vincente today, so I didn't even have school to distract me. It was really hard to find things to do, but mostly I played with Vincente. He's still really in the stage where he likes to play by himself more than with other people, so he doesn't really need me to entertain him the whole day (which is nice, usually!)

I did get a little bit of journal time in, and had time to just meditate and things, which was nice. But I was sure restless. I've been very restless the past few days... waiting to see Russ. It's the only thing I want right now, but I know there are things I have to do in the meantime - school, take care of myself, Baby #2, and Vincente, etc... but man I just wish I could be WITH HIM! My heart aches for him. My whole body aches for him sometimes... okay, I'm going to stop. If I keep talking about it I'll probably start crying - and I've been so good for the past few days!

Just about a week... I can do it! One day at a time. And tomorrow is my ultrasound!! :D Unfortunately for all of you, no one will find out until probably Friday, Nov. 14 (the day after I see Russ). Theoretically you could find out on the 13th, but there are a few people who I have to tell in person (my folks, my sister, etc) and THEN I can publicly display the gender of Baby #2 for the world to see!! So, if I get to tell everyone Thursday night (i.e. everyone answers their phones) and I have internet access, it will be public knowledge that night!! So, keep watching ;)

just my musings

Okay, I kept wanting to write little extras in my halloween post, but to spare those who don't want to read my random, sometimes depressing thoughts, they are being relocated to their own post.

I am glad Halloween is over. Last year I enjoyed it. That's probably because last year I had a husband to share it with (and who did pretty much everything, other than the actual making of Vincente's costume). So yeah... I hate doing holidays as a single mom. 

And I hate being alone. I miss Russ. He's my best friend in the world, and without him around to talk to, life is really lonely. No one else can really take his place. Talking to other people is great, but talking to Russ is irreplaceable. It's as if I know that whatever I say to him will stick in his heart (even though he may not remember it). He and I are connected for eternity. We're not connected to anyone else in the world the way we're connected to ourselves. Not to our parents, not to our kids. Our parents have their spouses, and eventually we hope our children will find spouses. So I miss being close to the person I'm closest to, if that makes sense.

And in just over a week, I'll get to be with him again! Even if it is only for a few hours. I miss him so much. Having your best friend be more than a phone call away is hard. There have been countless times (especially lately) where I just wanted to pick up my phone and call him to chat for a few minutes, or text him. The last time we were this "permenantly" away from each other was when I went home to Arkansas the summer before we got engaged. But I got to talk to him almost every single night! It was fabulous! And we don't even have that, so it's really hard for me.

I miss him soooooo much.

energizer

I mean the bunny... you know, the one that keeps going, and going, and going, and...

You get the idea. That's how life feels right now. School... well, mostly school. It's like it never ends. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I can't wait for it.

It's like just when you think things are dying down, they pick up again. It's going to be like that until finals... *sigh*

And then, after finals!? Christmas break with my hubby!!! SOOOO excited. Check out my countdowner thingee

<---- over there somewheres. It'll tell you exactly how long until we get to see him again!

Okay, so yes, I am ready to go to bed now. Just had to record somewhere how long I feel like school is taking.

Oh, but yesterday and this morning I kept thinking about the little house I hope to rent near Russ at AIT. I kept thinking about playing in the backyard with Vincente and planting irises and tulips in the front flower bed and decorating the house. I can't wait to live in my own house again. It's going to be awesome.

facelift

As you can see, I've given my blog a little facelift. Mostly I did it because I didn't want to work on my formal proposal for English or my midterm for math (that's what I've been doing all day).

Now I don't have any more good reasons to stay up, so I should go to bed. I really miss Russ... a lot. I put a countdown thing on here too :) Mostly for my own benefit. Just over two weeks... I think I can make it. 

I have to make it.

*sigh*

check, check, check

Today was great! I got everything done on my to do list, plus some! And I got to spend time with Vincente all day. Man, things can't get better than that.

And the countdown to seeing Russ again? 26 days until his BCT graduation!!! 26 days!!

i have work enough to do

And the sun is already gone down.

Luckily, Vincente is enthralled with the movie Cars, and so I can just hit play, and have freedom to work on homework for 2 hours. YES! The glory of the TV babysitter. I always told myself that I would never do this. But I also told myself I would never be a single mother... HA and here I am, a single mother (not literally, but figuratively). And trying to take care of a kid and go to school at the same time is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I think I've said that before. I doubt this will be the last time I say it.

Off to take advantage of the 2 hours of freedom.

a brief pause

I didn't realize how long it had been since I'd posted - I know four or five days isn't really THAT long, but for me (seeing how I've been posting nearly every day for the past few months) it is getting to be too long.

From my last post, you could probably see that I was very behind in school. Thanks to very understanding professors and some good friends, I was able to spend a lot of last week catching up. While it took its toll on me (I am sooo exhausted, it's not even funny), I am glad to be less behind, and have more or less of a plan to get caught up. I should be entirely caught up by Friday (including an exam that my professor is going to let me take at home on my own time, even though it was not originally a take home test). 

So that was most of the little pause in my posting - trying to catch up with school. And in general getting back on top of things. It takes exponentially longer when you have kids and no husband. Once you get behind it's almost like you're going to be behind for the rest of your life. Ick. 

And yesterday was Homecoming. A fabulously fun time. I'll make and entire post about that. Remember, if you want to see more pictures of our life (I don't usually post very many on here) look at our online gallery http://werner.mine.nu/gallery/becca

Oh yes - and today was filled with talking to Russ - for like almost 3 hours! It was the most emotionally rejuvenating thing that has happened since he left. It's like I'm supercharged now. We just got to chat and chat and chat - you know, like you do with your best friend - just talk. That's what best friends are for, and I have certainly missed chatting with Russ. One thing about it that I have missed the most is pointing out silly things that Vince does and having Russ laugh. We get a kick out of our kid - and not everyone gets as big of a kick out of your kids as you do yourself, so I've missed that. Today I described something silly Vince was doing in the moment, and Russ' laugh was priceless. I miss his laugh. I miss his arms. I miss his voice. I miss everything about him. I want him back. A month is a long time more to wait, but in a month from tomorrow I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN! I can't wait. At all. I'm going crazy.

good days

Today was a great day. I took Vince with me to school, and he got to play with me during classes and between classes and we had a picnic lunch and then took a nap together in a hallway in the ESC, and then played at Jessica's house for a while. It was super fun. I love being able to spend more time with him. Tuesdays are especially good for that at school because I only have two classes, and neither are really "serious" classes (I mean, they aren't full of a bunch of people who are ornery about distractions ;) ) And then I have two hours of nothing in between! So I usually miss Vince a lot during those two hours. But for the last two weeks, I've been able to take him with me on Tuesdays, and I think I will start doing that permenantly. I love him too much, and we have not been able to spend a lot of quality time together for the past few weeks, since I've had to do a lot of school work. I'm almost caught up. I'm mostly caught up as far as the work goes, but still behind a little bit as far as the concepts go. Physics will be the hardest to catch up in. I still haven't taken the last test, because I haven't been able to complete any of the homework, and I don't know when to get help. I should probably email my professor about that. I'm sure he'll be able to help. I just want to move on, but you can't really move on without understanding the stuff you missed, you know? So I'm trying to stay caught up the best I can, but it's hard with the little gaps.

I got a letter from Russ today. It was a nice surprise, becuase I talked to him on Sunday and he hadn't said he had sent a letter. It had a funny story about Russ immitating a Drill Sergeant (for a good cause - he was trying to get some privates to straighten up) and being asked about it by his Drill Sergeant, but not really reprimanded or anything. When I've got the letter down here by the computer I'll post the story. It was great.

I've been a little worried about not being able to feel this baby move, but on Sunday I felt my uterus tightening in different spots, so I'm assuming that was baby moving. I felt Vincente around 15 weeks, and I haven't felt anything and I'm already almost 18 weeks. I think it is a combination of having more body fat than when I was pregnant with Vince (not that I'm fatter now, I was just 19 when I was pregnant with Vince - my body hadn't finished become "womanly"), and being so busy and stressed that I just don't think I'd notice any movement even if it was happening. Life was much quieter back then. I had more time to sit and be still, which is probably conducive to feeling baby movements a little earlier. I have an appointment with my midwives on Thursday, so I'll hear the heartbeat and everything. She'll probably give me a few other reasons I may not be feeling the movement yet, but she'll assure me that everything is just fine.

And everything is just fine :)

my favorite moment of the week

The phone call!!

Although our talk was brief today, it was one of the most heartfelt we have had. A real heart-to-heart. I miss Russ so much. So much that I wrote him a letter tonight, more about what we talked about on the phone. With him gone, I think about him a LOT. Which means I think about the good times, the bad times, the hard times, the happy times, and so on. In particular, I keep thinking about all the times he has tried to teach me about humility. Those were really painful times for me - my pride was deeply hurt, and usually I just retaliated against Russ. Completely not fair for him. I think I am starting to understand what humility really means, and so I think about these moments more and more - times when my pride was hurt, and I blamed it on Russ being insensitive or selfish, when in reality, it was just me being prideful! The talks during Conference have kind of brought this to my attention as well. 

Anyway, so our talk today was nice. Waiting for Sunday is the worst part about the week, now. And the hours Sunday afternoon drag by as I wait and wait for the phone to ring. I miss him so much. More than I can even express. I'm counting down the days until we get to be with him again.