Families are Forever

We had a very merry Werner Christmas for 2011, with the presence of every member of my parents’ family – even Ross was there. Well, his picture was there, and we thought about him and talked about him a lot.

We took some family pictures (thanks, Victoria!) and when it was time for us to have the “mom and dad and offspring” picture, I kept looking around for Ross. There was someone missing. It was kind of hard. We really miss him.

 

As I was thinking about writing a post today, I remembered this oldy (but goody) from the LDS Church back in the 70s. The first time I heard it (when I was a kid) I cried my eyes out, and I still can’t get to the end without bawling.

It is a lot more poignant for me now. And I am so grateful for the testimony I have that families are forever.

“Dad, dad, it’s alright! Families are forever!”

“And he said, ‘Dad, dad, it’s alright! Families are forever!”

I Love to See The Temple

On Sunday I found an 11am ward meeting and took the kids. In all of my careful packing I had completely spaced bringing any of our church stuff. No books, no crayons, nothing. I did have a few toys, so I brought them hoping we could get through sacrament meeting without too much trouble. Apparently that was too much to ask of my travel weary children. They fought and screamed so much I had just about decided to leave church altogether when a really nice sister from the ward caught me as I was getting the kids into the car. She introduced herself and asked if she could help. I was in tears I was so frustrated. She offered to sit outside in the grass with Vincente so I could go in an listen to the meeting. My tears changed to tears of gratitude. She was so sweet. She even got Vincente ready for Primary and helped me find the class. I can’t for the life of me remember her name. I should have written it down somewhere! I felt really loved by Heavenly Father that day. He basically sent me an angel.

After church we went back to the hotel and met up with Meg (Geoff had left already) to have lunch and then head to the temple in Littleton. I had been trying to think of things to do while we were traveling that would help us keep the Sabbath day holy. Church took a good 4 hours, and a trip to see the temple grounds would be another couple of hours, then we could watch a Church video and have dinner and the kids would be ready for bed! It was a perfect plan, and other than the slight hang up at Church (which ended up with a beautiful blessing) Sunday was a perfect day.

It was fun to take Megann to the temple. She didn’t know much about the temples, so before we left I told her a few things and showed her the Church temple website and some pictures of both the inside and outside of the temple. On the drive to the temple I got to talk to her a little more about the temple and share my testimony of the temple. I love going to the temple. Even just being on the grounds feels really special to me. It melts my heart to see my children eagerly looking out the window trying to see the angel Moroni at the top of the temple as we got closer to it. I love that they love the temple so much. It was fun to find a new temple to visit.

There was a family of little bunnies hopping around the temple grounds. The kids got a kick out of that. The bunnies weren’t nearly as fond of the kids as the kids were of the bunnies.

We took some pictures at the temple and then headed back to the hotel and watched The Testaments: Of One Fold and One Shepherd (a movie that always makes me cry and is highly recommended – you can buy it here).

It was actually one of the best Sundays ever.

I Love to See the Temple

This year the Primary is singing “I Love to See the Temple” for the Sacrament Meeting Program.

Vincente didn’t like to sit with his class in Primary. He much preferred to sit with me at the piano (I am the Primary pianist in our Portuguese ward). So one Sunday as I was playing “I Love to See the Temple,” I looked down to see Vincente taking everything out of my bags and stacking things up. I asked him what on earth he was doing.

“I’m building a temple!”

Look – Lightening McQueen is even going to the temple!

Captain Moroni and the Standard of Liberty

In preparation for Independence Day (and because Vince love swords and fighting and armies and war…. son of a solider? I think so) we talked about Captain Moroni for Family Home Evening a few weeks ago. We even made our own standard of liberty. 

We re-enacted the scene of Moroni tearing his cloak and fastening it to a pole and talked about why he did it, and why they fought.

Then we talked about the founders of our country, what they did, and why they fought. We recited the Declaration of Independence (well, this part: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”) and talked about George Washington and what the American flag means, and how it is like the standard of liberty that Captain Moroni made. We hung our standard of liberty and an American flag on the wall for a little while (until the tape failed and they fell down).

Playing soldiers wouldn’t be complete without making helmets and having swords. Russ has a super cool sword he got for Christmas when we were first married, and Vincente has his little foam sword Grandpa Victor got for him last summer (because Vince kept trying to use the knife sharpener for a sword…) and we made helmets out of boxes and tinfoil. They were awesome.

I’m glad we got to talk to Vincente about both the standard of liberty and the American flag and what they stand for. The kids love pointing out American flags (almost as much as they love pointing out the temple) and always tell me when they see one. We’re trying to teach our kids that there are times when fighting is okay – but it is only when we are protecting our freedom, our families, and our religion.

I am so grateful for the example of Captain Moroni – especially for my children because we are a military family. We can help them understand that their Papai is fighting for a reason – that we don’t just fight because we want to, we fight to preserve freedom – and freedom is indeed a very important thing to fight for.

wisdom

Remember this recent post, and this one?

Sometimes I think Heavenly Father likes to build us up before He allows us to experience trials. That sounds kind of mean – seriously, it’s almost like a really mean joke. “Here are a bunch of blessings. And now I will try you beyond anything you’ve ever experienced.” I’m not sure if He is teaching me to appreciate my blessings more, or if He just wants to give me extra strength to get through the hard times.

But I know that Heavenly Father just knows so much more than we do. Our little human minds can’t even begin to fathom the duties and blessings He has in store for us.

In the talk from Elder Cook that I quoted in my last post, he goes on to recite this passage from Doctrine and Covenants – when Joseph Smith is in jail and cries to God, and Heavenly Father, in His infinite wisdom and mercy comforts Joseph with this powerful promise:

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high.”

Recently in our family scripture study we have been reading 2 Nephi 2, where Lehi teaches his family about opposition and gives an excellent logical argument for God existing. Elder Cook teaches us (in that same talk) that an essential gospel doctrine “is that there must be opposition in all things for righteousness to be brought to pass.”

Well, we’re definitely experiencing that.

“We know from the scriptures that some trials are for our good and are suited for our own personal development. We also know that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. It is also true that every cloud we see doesn’t result in rain.”

Right now, what we are experiencing is a very very ominous looking cloud. It hasn’t rained (yet) and we hope that it won’t, and fortunately, this cloud is the kind that we can blow away if we have enough faith and work hard enough.

But the best part about having trials?

“Regardless of the challenges, trials, and hardships we endure, the reassuring doctrine of the Atonement wrought by Jesus Christ includes Alma’s teaching that the Savior would take upon Him our infirmities and ‘succor his people according to their infirmities.’”

Being able to partake of the atoning sacrifice of our Savior, and feel its power in our lives, and feel the Savior succoring us, “according to [our] infirmities.”

And how sweet that feeling is.

Monday Musings - Good Reads and Motherhood

Being a mother is all it’s cracked up to be. And more. I love it. And my attitude about motherhood is improving every minute. It’s a lot like marriage. When you are young (and not married) you have this sort of “fairy tale” impression of marriage. You’ll find the love of your life, making covenants in the temple, and the rest of your life will be utter bliss.

And then you get married and realize that marriage is a whole lot of work, patience, love, and getting to know each other. Especially getting to know yourself.

Sometimes the same thing happens with motherhood.

As a young girl, you look at the moms of small kids and think how awesome it must be to have those precious children and raise them all your own and do their hair and dress them up and take them to ball games and out for ice cream.

And then you have kids. And you realize that motherhood is a whole lot of work, patience, love, and getting to know each other. Especially getting to know yourself.

For a little while you may say to yourself “What on earth was I thinking?” among other things that you may or may not admit to yourself. Like “I wish I could just give them back!” or “I’m never having another kid.” or “I wish I could just start over.”

But none of that is constructive, and you did at one time want to be a mother, which I don’t think was just naïveté. I think the Spirit does a really good job of planting the seed of motherhood in every young girl. We want to be mothers. We crave motherhood, even if we don’t know exactly what it is like. But that is what this mortal experience is all about – experiencing new things and doing things that we have never done before.

So instead of thinking all those crazy thoughts that we deny ever even having, we should be praying for the Lord to give us strength to do things that we don’t think are possible – like keeping our cool when our kids pee on the carpet, draw on the walls, and throw their spaghetti (sauce and all) on our brand new shirt and favorite pants.

It helps to remind ourselves that they are just little people, too, who are here in this mortal life for the same reasons we are – to experience new things and do things that they have never done before. And it’s our job to help them in that journey, because even though our journey isn’t done yet, we have experienced more of it than they have, and we are (hopefully) able to guide them through it all and help them make sense of the whole thing.

I have been reading a lot about motherhood lately (it is, after all, my full time job, and I want to be the best employee I can be).

I wrote my thoughts about the things I read over on my scripture study blog. At the bottom of the post I listed the articles I’ve been reading. I highly recommend the one about Quality and Quantity Time by Beppie Harrison.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother, and I am glad that I had such a strong desire to be a mother when I was young and I’m even more grateful that I am learning to love being a mother. It is a lot more work than I ever thought it would be (it’s emotional, physical, spiritual, and temporal work) …

… but it is the best work I have ever done.

Monday Musings - His Plan

 
I have been having a hard time lately trying to make sense of some spiritual promptings that I have had. I won’t disclose the specifics, but I have been having strong promptings about a certain thing. However, when I think about our life right now and the situation we are in, the prompting doesn’t seem to fit, or make sense.

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to deal with promptings. Obviously there are some promptings that you just take and run with it (like, “Call so-and-so.” Obviously, that’s probably a right now kind of prompting). But then there are more general impressions you receive, like “Have more kids.” and “Get a job.” Or something like that.

I am a believer of the principle explained in Doctrine & Covenants Section 9

Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.

But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

So when I receive one of those “general” impressions, I try to study it out and then take my “interpretation” to the Lord for approval. Sometimes I feel that burning in my bosom, and other times, I get the stupor of thought.

I also have to be very careful that I don’t inject “my” will into the impression. I have to work really hard at making sure that my will is in line with God’s will (and it isn’t all the time… which is frustrating).

The good news is that I think I have figured out those “general” impressions that the Lord has been giving me.

I’ll let you know how it works out.

Monday Musings – Breastfeeding, the outcast

I have been thinking about breast feeding a lot lately. Mostly I’ve been thinking about all the misunderstandings surrounding breast feeding. What has spurred this? No, I’m not pregnant (but I wish I was – more about that later). I think what started me thinking so strongly about breast feeding was finding that my aunt who just had her first baby has stopped breastfeeding before her baby was 2 months old because “her milk dried up.”

Now, before I go on, let me say that I know that there are some women who just can’t (physically) breastfeed. But let me also say that the number is a lot smaller than people think it is. However, there are a lot of women who emotionally can’t breastfeed, due to lack of support or lack of desire. I think those are the two real reasons why women aren’t successful at breast feeding. And really, the lack of desire is closely linked to the lack of support. Women who were brought up in “non breast feeding” homes I think are more likely to lack the desire to breast feed.

The whole perception of breastfeeding is what is messed up. Too many people think that breastfeeding is something that is nice to do “if you can” but not essential, and it’s “okay” if you don’t breastfeed. Sure, in way, that’s true. You’re not a sinner if you don’t breastfeed. However, breastfeeding is completely natural, normal, and is actually how God intended for us to feed our children. He didn’t make women produce milk “just in case” someone didn’t come up with formula.

Being a strong advocate of adoption, I completely understand the significance of better infant formula that is almost as good as breast milk (formula will never ever be as good a breast milk. Ever.) There are infants who would die if it wasn’t for formula. So for that, I’m grateful for formula.

But there are women who plan on feeding formula for the majority of their baby’s lives. Vincente never had formula, and Joseline only had formula a handful of times (and I think they were all when I was gone longer than expected).

Now, back to the perception of breast feeding. To a lot of women (even those who are stay at home moms) “breast feeding” involved pumping breast milk, sticking it in a bottle, and giving it to the baby.

This is not breastfeeding. The only time a mother should be pumping is when the baby cannot latch (ie, a preemie, severe latching problems, or separation). I pumped for Joseline when I was away from her for a weekend when she was about 5 months old.

I think part of the problem is that women don’t associate having a baby with breastfeeding. There is a reason why milk comes in when you have a baby. It’s because you are supposed to put that baby on your breast and nourish it.

BREASTS ARE FOR BREASTFEEDING. Sure, they are for other things, as well, but their very nature is for breastfeeding. Women think of their breasts as a sex symbol. We worry about our cup size, we worry about how a shirt makes our breasts look. But breasts are originally and ultimately for breast feeding our children. That’s why even very small-breasted women (like myself  - I barely fill an A cup) can still breastfeed successfully (Baby #1 – 10.5 months, exclusively breastfed until solid food around 4.5/5 months when he started cereals; Baby #2 – 12 months, exclusively breastfed for 6 months). Both of my babies are ultra healthy, have never had ear infections, and have never had anything worse than the sniffles.

I think that if women who wanted to get pregnant would equate that with wanting to breastfeed, and would think about breastfeeding while they were thinking about what color to paint the nursery, there would be better breastfeeding figures in our society.

I do not judge women who choose not to breastfeed (whether for real or perceived real reasons) but please do not spread your lack of enthusiasm for breast feeding to new or expectant mothers. Too often, I hear this from people who (often) chose not to breastfeed (because it was hard because ______ – news flash – breastfeeding is NOT easy, just like being a mother is not easy. Oh wait, that’s right, breastfeeding is part of being a mother). I hear people saying “It’s okay if you can’t (read: don’t want to) breast feed. Your kids will be just as healthy if you don’t.”

THIS IS NOT TRUE! Sure, choosing to formula feed your babies is not giving them a death sentence. But PLEASE do not tell people flat out lies – that formula fed babies are just as healthy as breast fed babies because THIS IS JUST COMPLETELY NOT TRUE. NOT TRUE. NOT TRUE!!! It is a load of crap mothers feed themselves (and others) to make themselves feel better for not breast feeding. Well, I have two things to say to that:

#1) You have no reason to feel bad about choosing not to breast feed. Like I said before, it is not a sin. If you really do feel bad, then make up for it by encouraging other new mothers to breast feed – not by spouting untruths to them to make yourself feel better.

#2) It is a scientifically proven fact that breast fed babies are indeed healthier than formula fed babies. SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN.

You know what, breast feeding is even so important that the Surgeon General of the United States himself has issued a call to support breast feeding.

Breast feeding is natural, normal, and our God-given ability as mothers. Have faith in that God-given ability, and go find help from people who know what they are doing, and by golly, breast feed your child! Don’t pump and give them a bottle – latch that baby on your breast and let them drink the liquid gold that your body creates in a beautiful miracle. If it hurts, find out why and fix it! Don’t just give up because it hurts for two weeks. Fix your latch, talk to a lactation consultant, call La Leche League, go to your OB, your midwife, your friend, your neighbor, SOMEONE, and GET HELP!

And then, if you really can’t breastfeed – then blessings to you for trying, and for wanting to, and for doing everything you could to keep breastfeeding, and my heart goes out to you – you are a great mother, and please help other women breastfeed, don’t feed them a load of crap just because you weren’t able to breastfeed – you are still a good person, and breast is still best.

Sorry for my rant. I hope I don’t offend anyone. I just had to get that off my chest.

Breastfeeding reads:
The Surgeon General's call
Dr Jack Newman’s website
La Leche League International

Caution: Bumpy Road

This is what our life has been like the last week – a very, very bumpy road. Thank goodness it’s almost over, and everything has worked out.

I’m always amazed at our Father’s ability to make the hard times not seem so bad.

Among the issues of the week was Russ’ car’s alternator dying. He got it to start at work in Lehi and drove it all the way down Redwood Rd and it died waiting for the light to cross Bangerter highway. So I gave him a little nudge with the van (which scratched the paint on my beautiful bumper!!) and he made it across the intersection. Then I put a cloth shopping bag on my bumper and gave him another little push into a bank parking lot where we jumped his car. It made it a little farther down the road, but then he had to stop at a red light and it died again. So we pulled it over and charged his battery again a little with my car. Rinse and repeat, basically. This time, he made it to the left turn lane right in front of AutoZone and was able to push the car into the parking lot. We had originally thought it was the battery (which apparently in a Dodge Stratus you have to get at through the wheel well -  we will never ever own one of these cars again… ever) but at this point we were pretty sure it was the alternator. Sure enough – the battery was fine, but it needed a new alternator. Our favorite shop is all the way in West Valley, and at this point we were in South Jordan (10400 S 1500 W ish). The shop is at 5600 W and 3100 S. Oh yeah, and it’s been raining pretty much this whole time). So we buy a tow cable at AutoZone and hook up Russ’ car to the van and tow it all the way across the western Salt Lake Valley. It was an adventure. I was actually really enjoying myself. I had prayed the whole time that we would make it safely to the auto parts store (because I figured we just needed a new battery, and the guys at AutoZone could help us figure out how to replace the battery).

Well, we made it safely, and sure enough it needed a new alternator, and it’s all fixed and ready to go for us (we seriously really love this shop – they do a great job, warranty their parts and labor, and you don’t have to pay out your nose for it! and they are honest, and helpful, and fast – we left the car there last night with the key in the drop box, and by the time I called at 9am, they had looked at the car and were finding out which part to order so they could call and give me a quote. Then they called around noon to tell me it was done and ready for pickup).’

So we’re doing well, and have experienced the fact that Heavenly Father doesn’t always make our life peachy, even when we have faith – but he does help us through our trials, whether by actually making them lighter, or by making them seem lighter.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Philippians 4:13

General Conference Prep

I played the Prophets and Apostles matching game with Vincente again today. He did really well remembering the names! He even got Elder Hales and Elder Scott straight (I really struggle with those two when I see them – hearing them I can differentiate, but their pictures look a lot alike, especially in black-and-white printer paper quality).

While we were playing, Vincente says to me, “I was the prophet when I was telling you what to do.” It took me a minute to remember what on earth he was talking about, but then I remembered for Family Home Evening last Monday we had Vincente pretend to be the Prophet, and Russ pretended to be Heavenly Father – Russ would tell Vincente something to tell me, and then Vince would come around the corner and tell me (“put your hands on your head” “sit down” “stand up” “fold your arms” etc). I couldn’t believe that Vincente remembered that lesson! He has been surprising me left and right with his gospel knowledge. I worry, because we attend a Portuguese ward, and sometimes I think he doesn’t understand what is going on in Primary. On top of that, he doesn’t have a long attention span and never looks like he is listening, so half the time I think we’re just talking to ourselves. But then he goes and says stuff like this, and reminds me that prophets talk to Jesus, and I’m just floored. Over and over again.

Anyway, I was getting excited for Vince to see the General Authorities at General Conference in April, and then I remembered that he has never really heard their voices. So I hopped on to LDS.org and looked up the “General Conference Highlights” and showed him this video:

He actually did pretty well naming them while he was watching.

The thing that struck me, though, was how quiet he was during the first clip of President Monson. I could tell that he was feeling the Spirit while he watched. After a minute, I started explaining what each apostle was talking about in Primary terms - “He’s telling us that we need to obey.” “He’s telling us that we can have the Holy Ghost with us to teach us.” “He’s telling us to be like the Savior.” “He’s telling you to keep the commandments so that you can have the Priesthood, which means you have the power of God.”

Then, on one of the clips of President Monson, Vincente says, “Hey, President Monson! Do you talk to Jesus?” And then, Vince changes his voice (to sound like President Monson, I assume) and says, “Yes, I do.”

It was a really humbling experience for me to listen to that sweet (if somewhat silly) testimony of my not-quite-four-year-old son, affirming that he knows that President Monson is a prophet, and that President Monson talks to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

When Elder Oaks talked about the two lines of communication with Heavenly Father, I tried to reinforce the testimony and explained that Elder Oaks was telling us that we can talk to Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father when we pray, and that we can also listen to the prophets because they talk to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and tell us what to do.

I plan on playing the matching game with Vincente more, and then also playing the “highlights” clip from last year’s General Conference. During the six months following April’s General Conference, I’ll play the new “highlights” clip for him every now and then. I think the “highlights” clip is probably the best tool yet for exposing little kids to General Conference. There is gentle background music, and the clips are short (1-2 minutes) and it’s only 16 minutes from start to finish. Vince was just about done at 12-13 minutes, but I tried to help him stick it out. It’s just perfect for his attention span – 4 two hour sessions is going to be entirely too much for him right now, but this will help get him ready to sit and listen to longer talks. And later as he gets older, we can play clips of the talks by the apostles in longer segments.

I think we will have him sit and listen when the Prophet addresses us. I haven’t decided what to expect out of him for the rest of it. We’ll try to get him and sit with us (by me explaining what the speakers are saying – in Primary terms), but I don’t know how much he’ll care to sit through, and I would like to be able to just sit and soak up one or two sessions. We’ll see how it goes.

A Little Backwards

I have been trying really hard to get my life in order. I have been working on being more productive, getting more things done, and taking better care of myself and all of the temporal needs of my family.

In all that quest to be an “effective mother” – meaning, having a clean house, a stocked pantry and fridge, and dressed and bathed children – I realized that I have been seriously neglecting the thing that matters most.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said this:

“As we turn to our Heavenly Father and seek His wisdom regarding the things that matter most, we learn over and over again the importance of four key relationships: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves. As we evaluate our own lives with a willing mind, we will see where we have drifted from the more excellent way. The eyes of our understanding will be opened, and we will recognize what needs to be done to purify our heart and refocus our life.” (emphasis added)

I studied this talk back in January on my scripture study blog, My Soul Delighteth, but I think that maybe back then my mind wasn’t as willing to see where I may have drifted from “the more excellent way” – but last night as I prayed for the Lord to help me be a better wife and a better mother, I prayed for help to “do the most important things.” And then something President Uchtdorf spoke about came to my mind.

“...it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.” (emphasis added)

I am a list maker. Ask my husband. I have your usual grocery lists and menus, but it doesn’t stop there. I have priority lists of things to buy, projects to complete, debts to pay off, books to read... even that list goes on and on. My to-do lists are complex and list every possibility for my day. Well, they did until last night when I realized exactly why I am experience that “increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in [my life].”  It was because of the darn to-do lists. Sure, the laundry needs to be done, and the dishes need to be washed, and lunch and dinner need to be served, and groceries need to be bought. But the most important thing to do is spend time with my little ones. “We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together. In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e,time.”

I was trying to get into a strict, “efficient” routine that would help me feel like I had accomplished a lot during the day. But those accomplishments were temporal, not spiritual – not eternal. They were things that were going to last only in this life, only in this moment, and would not be as significant as the relationships that I can form with  my children right now while they are small.

From my journal last night: So I am going to try something new. Something completely different. Before the kids wake up, rather than trying to scramble and get things done, I am going to spend time with Heavenly Father and myself, meditating and studying the scriptures. Then, when the kids get up, rather than attemping to distract them so that I can complete yet more items on my to-do list, I will simply BE with my children.

It won’t be horrible if I actually get some chores done. It will be especially good if the kids help. They can sort laundry, fold laundry, help empty the dishwasher, help wash the table, help cook. I have had a little bit of a disconnect between being a mother and being a homemaker. I think that I felt like I could only wear one hat at a time (I could be a mother, but not at the same time as being a housekeeper, and neither of those at the same time as being a cook, or a courier or chauffeur). But really, the only hat I have is mother. And it is by far the most important.

The most frustrating (or rather, enlightening) part of this whole ordeal is that I just read and studied this talk barely a month ago! Why didn’t I figure it out then? I’ll tell you why. I am one of the most stubborn people in the entire world, and it takes an average of 3-4 months for me to admit that I was ever even wrong. Seriously. I think it used to take a lot longer than that when I was younger, but I have improved – probably thanks to my sweet, patient husband.

So far the past few days have been great. I have been spending more time with the kids, and less time doing dishes and laundry and washing toilets and vacuuming and cleaning up,  but you know what, my house still looks fine (not pristine, like I might like it to be, but it’s not unsanitary or cluttered or anything like that). And my kids are happier (especially Joseline – she has been a little cranky child for a looooong time, and finally she’s been pretty happy, only throwing the normal toddler fits, instead of just being ornery all the time.Vincente is being more helpful and loving.

And I feel more relaxed, and closer to Heavenly Father.

Vincente and Joseline playing on the air mattress with a friend. 

But who wouldn’t be closer to Him

around these little angels?

Monday Musings – Entertaining Angels

I read this scripture this morning:

From Hebrews 13:2, and I think it will be our theme for our life in the next several years.

We started the process to become licensed as foster parents. We decided a long time ago that we want to foster and adopt, and that we wanted to be parents to any children who needed them. We want to provide a safe place, a warm home, for any child who needs a place to be safe.

The licensing process is a little long, but we are on our way! I have been feeling this tug at my heart for the past several months – and now that we are finally taking the steps, I feel great and I can’t wait for us to be licensed foster parents.

If you want to entertain angels in your home, if only for a little while, contact the Utah Foster Care Foundation (or the foster care foundation in your state) and apply for foster care.

Why should you? Because you may end up entertaining “angels unawares.”

Motherhood

“Some of you sisters may feel inadequate because you can’t seem to do all you want to do. Motherhood and parenting are most challenging roles. You also have Church callings that you fulfill so capably and conscientiously ... In general you noble sisters are doing a much better job of holding it all together and making it work than you realize. May I suggest that you take your challenges one day at a time. Do the best you can. Look at everything through the lens of eternity. If you will do this, life will take on a different perspective.” (President Faust)

“If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.” (President Monson)

 

“Children have their agency and often express it when very young.” (President Faust)

“There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family.” (President Packer)

Some days I totally feel like this...

There is something really awesome about being a mother. Even when it is challenging. Even on the days when I feel like I wasn’t good for anything. These sweet faces keep me going – these sweet little spirits that inhabit our home and make it a better, more joyful place to be. Little children are so joyful! I can’t tell you how many times the noise and commotion has made my heart swell with emotion (granted, sometimes that emotion is frustration – but when I stop and think about what is making the commotion, and stop and “smell the roses” I can’t help but be overwhelmed with the beauty of it all!)

I hope you feel the same way.

Motherhood is my dream job. ‘Nuff said.

(Descriptions for the pictures, starting at the top, and going left to right when there are two:
–grumpy Joseline face
– spaghetti Joseline face
– Vincente being adorable, as usual
– what I found in the fridge one day: an eyelash curler and a Lightening McQueen watch in a measure cup... yeah, gotta love being a mom
– they don’t like the sun in their eyes, can you tell?
– how Vincente entertained himself at Home Depot... Joseline, too
– see caption
– Vincente enjoying the picture screensaver on the computer; he freaks out if it turns off...
– Joseline icing her boo boo on her head)

Monday Musings – He Will Come

Last night we watched The Testaments: Of One Fold and One Shepherd as a family. Complete with popcorn. It was the best Sunday movie night we’ve ever had.

As usual, I bawled during practically the entire movie.

I know the Savior came, taught, lived, died and was resurrected for us and I know that He will come again. I hope that when He does come I will be prepared to meet Him. I want to be like Helam in the movie (and many people I’m sure who were actually there) and live my entire life waiting, watching, and preparing for the coming of the Savior.

I can’t think of anything more wonderful than to finally see the Savior. All I can think about during that movie is how it will feel to see Him. How it will feel to be with the multitude who will fall at His feet and worship Him. I think it will be kind of like the feeling I get when I see Russ after some long military training that takes him away from me. Only times a million, because the coming of the Savior is much more significant. I know that I will cry and cry and cry and kiss His feet and hands and tell Him how happy I am that He is finally here.

Now I just need to live each day so that when He comes again I will be worthy to walk with Him.

Monday Musings – Follow the Prophet

On Sunday, October 3, 2010, President Boyd K. Packer, whom members of the church sustain to be a “prophet, seer and revelator” gave this talk.

As a prophet, President Packer’s responsibility is to call the world to repentance – much like Noah did in his day as he built the ark, like Lehi in Jerusalem, and like many other prophets in the past.

Unfortunately, as they did with Noah and Lehi, the world has rejected the words of the prophets, and have even gone so far as to petition him to withdraw his statements. This is not a new thing. It has happened again and again throughout history, and God’s word has always remained unchanged. As President Packer so bluntly put it:

...there are those today who not only tolerate but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of God’s laws and nature...There are both moral and physical laws “irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world” that cannot be changed...To legalize that which is basically wrong or evil will not prevent the pain and penalties that will follow as surely as night follows day.

I respect everyone’s right to an opinion. But I also believe in God’s word, and I firmly believe in God’s prophets who deliver His word to us – especially in these latter days.

Satan is stirring up the hearts of men. A war is waging. “Who’s on the Lord’s side, who? Now is the time to show...” This particular battle hits really close to home for me. I have had to make some really difficult decisions about some people who are very dear to me. All I can think about is how to “love one another” while still being devoted to righteousness, and not “look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.” This article, a Q&A with Elder Oaks and a member of the 70, has been particularly helpful.

In response to the petition I mentioned earlier, the brethren had this to say:

Much of this was not new, but there were a lot of really great things said. A few of my favorites:

“As a church, our doctrinal position is clear: any sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong, and we define marriage as between a man and a woman.”

“None of us is limited by our feelings or inclinations. Ultimately, we are free to act for ourselves.”

“The Church distinguishes between feelings or inclinations on the one hand and behavior on the other. It’s not a sin to have feelings, only in yielding to temptation.”

I don’t believe that people are homosexuals or “gay.” I know that people will disagree, and that is fine. I believe that people have same-gender, or homosexual, attractions, and that they can sometimes be very strong. But they are still just children of God to me. If they choose to participate in homosexual behaviors, or live a homosexual lifestyle, then that is what they are doing. I believe that there is nothing fundamentally different between someone who struggles with same-gender attraction, and the rest of God’s children who struggle with something else. We are all children of God experiencing trials and struggles on this earth with Satan tempting us and trying us. We inhabit imperfect bodies with imperfect emotions and chemical make ups. We all face trials. (read more about that here)

God made man and woman. He created them specifically different – to fulfill different purposes. From The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

As I write this, I realize that I am not writing it to an audience of people who don’t believe in Christ and the atonement. I am writing it in hopes that someone who feels unsure about the word of God on this issue can maybe read my testimony and perhaps feel the spirit and have a little better understanding of God’s word.

It is not easy to stay true to the Savior. Especially in today’s social and political climate. There is so much of the Adversary’s influence in our societies that we can be easily confused by the arguments out there.

Sometimes I get very discouraged because the world is getting more and more wicked – good is called evil, and evil is called good. But I know that there is hope and happiness available to those who live the gospel – for those who earnestly call on God in the name of His Savior, Jesus Christ and ask for a confirmation of that which is true. The Spirit will guide us. I know that because I beg the Lord for His Spirit to be with me as I raise my children and feel like I don’t know anything.

If there is one thing I know is absolutely true, it is that God lives and loves us and has given us living prophets on the earth to help guide us when we become confused about how to live in the world and not be of the world.

And I hope and pray that you will try to get that testimony for yourself.

Recommended reading:

Cleansing the Inner Vessel by President Boyd K. Packer
The Q&A with Elder Oaks and Elder Wickman
The Response to the HRC Petition
Many of These Articles
This Proclamation
Another Good Article by Elder Oaks

A title-less post... I don’t think this has ever happened. I usually have something concise to name my posts – but not this one. There’s just too much to put into one title.

I feel like we kind of dropped off the grid – and we sort of did. But we’re coming back full force!

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately – we didn’t get to listen to Saturday’s general conference because we were driving during both sessions (AND Priesthood) so I’ve been listening to conference, reading stuff, feeling like I need to be better (no I don’t feel like I’m a failure – in fact, I feel like we are doing pretty well – but that’s exactly when we should probably be doing more).

This sentence from the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet has been on my mind:

Do not attend, view, or participate in entertainment that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way.

President Boyd K. Packer’s talk, along with the Human Rights Campaign’s response and the Church’s re-response (?) have weighed heavy on my heart and mind. And some family situations don’t make it any lighter.

Getting our house in order again hasn’t taken nearly as long as I thought it might, and working side by side with Russ (this is pretty much the FIRST home we’ve moved in to together – he’s always been training or working when we have moved) has been fabulous. Our marriage is great. Our children are beautiful and fun, as usual. We have two great dogs that love us and are well behaved and give us an added sense of security. Russ has a secure job doing something he loves. I have a job that lets me work whenever I want (or not at all, if I don’t want to – I haven’t logged a single hour of tutoring since Russ got back from FTX in Arizona... going on 1 month! Thankfully we don’t need the income... it just goes toward our snowball).

I haven’t taken many pictures of the kids because our house has been such a disaster, and I haven’t sat down at the computer in weeks because we only got the internet on Tuesday.

I will try to resume our normal posting schedule next week (Monday Musings, Wednesday Wanderings, Friday Goals, and posts of “this life” on the other days).  Monday Musings will probably include my thoughts on President Packer’s talk. Wednesday Wanderings will take us to Gardner Village here in our new “hometown” and Friday Goals will probably revisit the journal writing (I did really well... then life/the move happened).

There will be lots of pictures, too. I promise! And videos like this one:

Reverent Reflections

Last night after dinner I was playing an iTunes mix – just a bunch of random stuff, 99 Luftballons, Dust in the Wind, Brand New Shoes, Falling Even More in Love With You, Letting the Cables Sleep, You and Me, Piano Man, The Times They Are A-Changin’, This Side, She’s Got a Way, and the last one we danced to – Dacing’ In the Moonlight.

Of course, my precious kids started dancing, and I snapped some video clips of the joyful, carefree moment. It was beautiful. And I thought of how much I love my children, and I how glad I am to have them.

A memory came to me of watching home videos with my family in Seattle after my brother passed away. I remember watching him as a little three year old, singing songs into the microphone – carefree and joyful. I watched as he played with his little baby brother, Wayne, and as he opened presents on Christmas morning, and as he rode his bike up and down the streets.

I couldn’t help but think about my parents being in this exact same situation, 20 something years ago. Watching their babies play and dance – catching it on tape because it was so precious.

Then it hit me – the pain my parents must have felt as they watched their son slip away. How they must have felt as they recorded those moments years and years ago – never knowing, never even anticipating that their oldest son would precede them in death.

I cried as I realized that every moment with my children is fleeting. Any moment they could be taken from me. God’s will is bigger than me, and I can’t stop Him from taking them from me, if He wants them. For a moment it was scary – in fact, it was downright frightening. Especially because the one person who would understand what I was seeing as our children danced is not available for shoulder-offering. I know he would offer his shoulder, if he were here. And we would probably sob together.

So I danced with them.

I twirled and spun and leaped and sang and kissed my babies and hugged them because for all I know, they may not even wake up tomorrow. Of course, I hope they will, and I don’t imagine they won’t.

But what if they don’t, and I didn’t dance with them? I would regret for the rest of my life not dancing with them last night.

Every moment I have with them is so precious, so fleeting, so sweet and special to me.

Then comfort. Comfort because I know that even if they are taken from me – even if Heavenly Father calls them home – because I made covenants with Him, I can have them again when I leave this world.

I feel so blessed to have the knowledge I have of eternal families. Nothing could make me feel more right – more safe – more comforted.

As I danced and held those sweet babies, I felt the Spirit testify of that truth.

And the pain went away,
and all that was left was peace.

PofE – “We write according to our prophecies”

And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.

~2 Nephi 25:26

A few weeks ago, I posted about my goal to write in my journal more often. Really, it was a goal to have a habit changed by the end of September. The habit change was to write in my journal every day.

Here’s my progress:

The week of Aug 29-Sept 4, my goal was to write in my journal twice. I wrote in my journal once.

The week of Sept 5-11, my goal was to write in my journal four times. I wrote in my journal three times.

The week of Sept 12-18, my goal was to write in my journal five times. As of Sept 17, I have written in my journal three times. If I write tonight and tomorrow, I’ll make my five days.

Next week my goal is to write in my journal six times. I think I can handle that.

This morning for scripture study I studied that scripture at the top (2 Nephi 25:26) - you can find it on my scripture study blog.

Monday Musings – Vacation

I need  a vacation.

Badly.

Thankfully we found this house to live in down in Arizona and we’ll be staying close to post. We’ll get to see Russ a little, and have a backyard, and there are some fun things to do in Arizona. I have declared September as the month of perpetual vacation.

We’ll also be closing on our house in September, which will be the crowning glory of this summer (along with Russ’ graduation).

It’s been a long summer and I’m just glad it’s almost over.

Looking back, I’m trying to figure out what good things came out of this summer. A lot of things, I’m sure. I learned a lot. I mean a lot. It has been really good for me. I don’t know that I grew a lot this summer, but I think this summer has planted the seeds for growth for the next several years.

I have met a lot of really neat people, and I have been on the receiving end of some really great service and blessings.

I have become stronger – I can run nearly 6 miles without a problem, and I could probably do more than that, but I’ve put running on the back burner right now.

I wish I could say that my testimony has been strengthened, but I think it has been mostly stagnant. I think I will spend the next few days working on that. Throw myself into prayer and the scriptures. Figure out what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing right now (rather than just “waiting” for the summer to end). That kind of thing. I’ll definitely let you know how it goes.

By the way, if you haven’t yet, go here and create your Mormon.org profile – and share the mormon.org website with anyone and everyone!

Monday Musings -- “Os pequeninos deixai vir a mim”

“Pois, é teu Pai e muito te-ama”

This is a line from the Portuguese translation of the song, “My Heavenly Father Loves Me” from the LDS Children’s Songbook,

(in English)

(em Português)

I have always loved this song – in English, of course – and it was one of the first songs from the Children’s Songbook that I learned to play. When we made the decision to raise our children bilingual, we realized that we were going to need the resources to teach them the gospel both in English and in Portuguese. So we bought scriptures (including the Book of Mormon stories, and recently the Old Testament stories), manuals, and the Children’s Songbook (and CDs!) in Portuguese. We read the scriptures as a family in Portuguese, and we have family home evening, and family prayer, and sing songs as a family all in Portuguese.

I absolutely love the Children’s Songs. I was raised to have a deep love for music, and for the gospel, and the music in the Children’s Songbook are just ingrained in me! They come to mind all the time when I am studying the principles of the gospel. They are a perfect simple introduction to the gospel, and the music is so sweet and beautiful, I just feel warm all over when I play and sing these songs.

When music is translated into another language, the basic underlying meaning of the music is preserved (as much as possible), but the words and expressions can be vastly different.

For example, this words of this song (My Heavenly Father Loves Me) read:

Pray, He is there, Speak, He is listening,

You are His child, His love now surrounds you.

He hears your prayers, He loves the children.

Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of Heaven.

Whereas the Portuguese translation reads:

Sim, perto está. Sim, Ele te ovre.

(Yes, He is near. Yes, He is listening to you).

Pois, é teu Pai e muito te-ama

(For he is your Father and he loves you very much.)

Com terno amor, ama as crianças,

(With tender love, He loves the children)

Pois delas é o reino, o reino do céu.

(For such is the kingdom, the kingdom of Heaven)

I think the Portuguese expression is much more beautiful than the English translation that I just wrote there, but I just love that the words in the Portuguese translation say “He loves you very much.” The words “His love now surrounds you” are very poetic and beautiful – but I am a fan of simple and direct. You can’t get more simple than “He loves you very much.” This is the testimony that I have – that Heavenly Father loves me very much and it is the testimony I want to share with everyone, especially my own children: é muito te-ama.

Please let that piece of truth touch your heart. Because it is true:

é muito te-ama.

(if you’re wondering – I use Windows Live Writer to write my blog,

and downloaded this MP3 Player Plugin for Writer to embed the mp3’s in this post)