Oh, and Russ called and emailed

My sweetheart called last night! In the middle of the night, as usual. Stupid time difference. I think either we should all not do daylight savings time, or we all should do daylight savings time. None of this each-state-chooses-for-itself.

That’s just downright annoying.

Anyway, we only talked for about 20 minutes (he was using a friend’s phone – thanks Dan and Michelle!!) and mostly it was stressful and not a good conversation.

I’m the kind of person who tells Russ everything.

Really. No really, everything. I like to tell him about how I got bit by mosquitoes, how I am now my parents’ official cook, how I won 3rd place in the Dino Dash in my age division, how I had strep, but got over it. I think maybe there’s stuff he doesn’t really want to know, but he’s my hubby, so his job is to care about every detail of my life – even if it’s gross or stupid or ridiculous.

He does a really good job caring, by the way.

So I had written him a gazillion emails before the phone call. And then after the phone call I wrote him another gazillion emails.

And while he was up on fireguard, he wrote me back. Several really cute, really short, really perfect, really sweet emails that made my life.

So now I know he read my emails, he knows what’s going on in my head, and that’s what is important to me.

Now if only I could get in his head… mysterious Russ :)

"California, Here We Come!"

We now have official plans to go to California for Thanksgiving to visit Russ! We will probably drive with one of my physics classmates who has family in CA. That will help with the cost, for sure. Especially because our nearest relatives are 1.5 hours away, which is too far away from my Russellkins! Especially because I really want to be able to see him as much as humanly possible, and apparently, if we're on the post, we can see him just about whenever we want. Oooh, but I also found out that the presidio is so secure you have to have a military or DoD card to get in. So I should probably make an appointment to get my active duty card before we leave. I need to get some work done on my car, anyway, so maybe I'll put that on my to do list on Tuesday.

I am SOOO stoked! Hooray for seeing Russ, and hooray for beautiful California! And we may even get to see my Aunt and her family for Thanksgiving! It is going to be so nice... and I miss Russ. Really, I don't know if seeing him for graduation was such a good idea, because now I am hooked... I'm addicted to him. I guess it's supposed to be that way, but it's sure no fun when you're not around them. 

I think I am the happiest person alive right now :) I love my Russ... I love him SOOOO much. And we really need Papai right now - both me AND Vince. Vince and I are buddies, but nothing takes the place of Papai. 

California, here we come!

Waiting Productively

I'm still waiting for Russ to call, but I've pulled myself out of my funk. I made a to do list today while I was at school, and I was able to get EVERYTHING on my list done before Vincente even woke up from his nap! It was fabulous. Of course, then I realized that I forgot that I need to study for my IS jogging test that I'm going to take tomorrow. But other than that, I'm feeling prety okay. Meaning, I don't feel 100% chipper, because I still really want to talk to Russ. I'm doing all right though - no need to worry! :)

So, while Vincente watches "Nemo" I am going to study for my test.

Wasting Away Again

I'm in one of those "funks" again - the ones where I don't want to do anything but talk to Russ. I've tried to distract myself by working on school work, but I can't even focus on that. I'm sooo going crazy. I need to talk to him. I need to know if we can come see him for Thanksgiving. I NEED to see him for Thanksgiving. 

I really need to talk to Russ. Nothing will happen until I've been able to talk to him. No school work, no house work... I can hardly play with Vincente right now because I'm so distracted. I need my sweetheart. I need to hear his voice. I need to talk to him. I need him.

I think seeing him last week got me hooked again. 12 more days of school, then its a few weeks of vacation and then RUSS FOREVER! Saying that just makes me even more depressed that it's only today... and I haven't talked with him for a few days. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him...

just my musings

Okay, I kept wanting to write little extras in my halloween post, but to spare those who don't want to read my random, sometimes depressing thoughts, they are being relocated to their own post.

I am glad Halloween is over. Last year I enjoyed it. That's probably because last year I had a husband to share it with (and who did pretty much everything, other than the actual making of Vincente's costume). So yeah... I hate doing holidays as a single mom. 

And I hate being alone. I miss Russ. He's my best friend in the world, and without him around to talk to, life is really lonely. No one else can really take his place. Talking to other people is great, but talking to Russ is irreplaceable. It's as if I know that whatever I say to him will stick in his heart (even though he may not remember it). He and I are connected for eternity. We're not connected to anyone else in the world the way we're connected to ourselves. Not to our parents, not to our kids. Our parents have their spouses, and eventually we hope our children will find spouses. So I miss being close to the person I'm closest to, if that makes sense.

And in just over a week, I'll get to be with him again! Even if it is only for a few hours. I miss him so much. Having your best friend be more than a phone call away is hard. There have been countless times (especially lately) where I just wanted to pick up my phone and call him to chat for a few minutes, or text him. The last time we were this "permenantly" away from each other was when I went home to Arkansas the summer before we got engaged. But I got to talk to him almost every single night! It was fabulous! And we don't even have that, so it's really hard for me.

I miss him soooooo much.

a brief pause

I didn't realize how long it had been since I'd posted - I know four or five days isn't really THAT long, but for me (seeing how I've been posting nearly every day for the past few months) it is getting to be too long.

From my last post, you could probably see that I was very behind in school. Thanks to very understanding professors and some good friends, I was able to spend a lot of last week catching up. While it took its toll on me (I am sooo exhausted, it's not even funny), I am glad to be less behind, and have more or less of a plan to get caught up. I should be entirely caught up by Friday (including an exam that my professor is going to let me take at home on my own time, even though it was not originally a take home test). 

So that was most of the little pause in my posting - trying to catch up with school. And in general getting back on top of things. It takes exponentially longer when you have kids and no husband. Once you get behind it's almost like you're going to be behind for the rest of your life. Ick. 

And yesterday was Homecoming. A fabulously fun time. I'll make and entire post about that. Remember, if you want to see more pictures of our life (I don't usually post very many on here) look at our online gallery http://werner.mine.nu/gallery/becca

Oh yes - and today was filled with talking to Russ - for like almost 3 hours! It was the most emotionally rejuvenating thing that has happened since he left. It's like I'm supercharged now. We just got to chat and chat and chat - you know, like you do with your best friend - just talk. That's what best friends are for, and I have certainly missed chatting with Russ. One thing about it that I have missed the most is pointing out silly things that Vince does and having Russ laugh. We get a kick out of our kid - and not everyone gets as big of a kick out of your kids as you do yourself, so I've missed that. Today I described something silly Vince was doing in the moment, and Russ' laugh was priceless. I miss his laugh. I miss his arms. I miss his voice. I miss everything about him. I want him back. A month is a long time more to wait, but in a month from tomorrow I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN! I can't wait. At all. I'm going crazy.

my favorite moment of the week

The phone call!!

Although our talk was brief today, it was one of the most heartfelt we have had. A real heart-to-heart. I miss Russ so much. So much that I wrote him a letter tonight, more about what we talked about on the phone. With him gone, I think about him a LOT. Which means I think about the good times, the bad times, the hard times, the happy times, and so on. In particular, I keep thinking about all the times he has tried to teach me about humility. Those were really painful times for me - my pride was deeply hurt, and usually I just retaliated against Russ. Completely not fair for him. I think I am starting to understand what humility really means, and so I think about these moments more and more - times when my pride was hurt, and I blamed it on Russ being insensitive or selfish, when in reality, it was just me being prideful! The talks during Conference have kind of brought this to my attention as well. 

Anyway, so our talk today was nice. Waiting for Sunday is the worst part about the week, now. And the hours Sunday afternoon drag by as I wait and wait for the phone to ring. I miss him so much. More than I can even express. I'm counting down the days until we get to be with him again.

I love my soldier

I tried to scan a picture of Russ to include in the post, but my in-laws computer doesn't have any more room left on their (40G!) harddrive upstairs, so I couldn't save the scan. Anyway, I'll update this post with his picture probably tomorrow at school, or maybe on Tuesday.

Russ called today! On his own cell phone! Which was FABULOUS. It was exciting to see his name pop up on my phone. Hooray for mein Lieber. We talked for a while - it was so refreshing to talk to him (it always is). He sounds like he misses us a lot. Not that I didn't already know that, but it makes my heart break to be so far away from him. A man needs his family, and a family needs their papai. Soon... soon...

I really love my hubby. He's sore from doing a bunch of pushups, so I hope he will be able to recover before he has to take another PFT. He said he's so sore he can't even do ONE pushup - which means he must be pretty sore. I guess he over did it when he was doing them on his own. My strong hubby. I told him he should get a blessing. I think that would help him recover faster. Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I think he will do fine if he has faith. 

I got to tell him all about our car situation - he was really impressed with my awesome interest rate! :) I'm really satisfied with our financial situation and how we're dealing with staying out of debt and setting ourselves up for a good financial future. We really want to serve missions and be able to serve the Church, and I think we're eventually going to be in a really good position to do that.

I love Russ, and I miss him a lot. But right now my focus is on school and keeping myself and my babies healthy. I can't wait to buy a car so this car thing will be completely over and done with!!

Surprise

Today was my birthday. I wouldn't have even really wrote about it being my birthday if not for the most fabulous things that happened today.

I woke up this morning not really even thinking about my birthday. More wondering why on earth Vincente didn't sleep longer. I went upstairs to find him, and of course there is my MIL taking care of him like the sweet grandma she is (she never wakes me up if Vince wakes up without waking me up ... she just takes care of him. Unless she has to leave somewhere, then she brings him down and plops him in bed with me :) ) As I walk upstairs in my pjs with my hair all frizzy and probably with mascara under my eyes, she says "Happy Birthday, Becca!" Of course, that makes me smile, because everyone just loves being wished happy birthday. Then she made me some hot cocoa, and we sat on the couch with V

ince snuggled between us and watched some show on Playhouse Disney (I don't even remember what it was, I just remember Vince laying his head on me and loving me and drinking his sip

py cup... and my hot cocoa).

After that, my MIL said "I'll watch Vincente while you go get ready for school and make yourself all cute for your birthday - that's always good." I love having time in the morning to dedicate to make myself look good - because when I look good, I feel good. I wore my "cute" jeans - a pair of jeans I inheirited from my 17 year old sister in law after I had Vincente and couldn't fit back into my "skinny" jeans. I put on a pink shirt (pink always makes me feel cute), straightened my hair, put on my Coral jewelry, 

and did my makeup - complete with eye shadow, which I hardly ever wear anymore in the interest of time - and used a brand spanking new tube of mascara - I'd forgotten what new mascara feels like! Then I got all my snacks ready for school, played with Vince for a little bit, then head off to school. Christy had called me Sunday night and asked to take me out for my birthday dinner - so that was all I could really think about all day - going out to dinner with my favorite sister in the world! (okay, so she's my only sister, but I still loooove hanging out with her, and we're both so busy these days...)

So I spend the day at school as usual, played the piano for religion class, thoroughly enjoyed English (since I did the reading ;)  ) and as usual, enjoyed Phsyics. Then as a birthday present to myself I skipped my math class. I shouldn't have, but he drops our lowest 5 homework scores, so I figured why not use one on my birthday. Seemed like a great birthday gift to myself. On my way to my car I listened to my messages. My mom had called and left me a

 message singing Happy Birthday - those always make your day! I grinned the whole time, and it left me in a good mood for the rest of the day. I stopped by the post office on my way home to mail a letter to my sweet hubby off at Basic Trai

ning. I had to buy another book of stamps for him, and since the post office is on the road home, it's the most convenient place. I also had to ask about mailing him his cell phone. While I was in line at the post office, my dad called - but just as he was calling, the lady was ready for me, so I didn't answer. I called him back later to get even more happy birthday wishes! And of course, they sent me their trademark BlueMountain greeting card! Those are always my favorite to get from my parents. On days of note (birthdays, anniversaries, mother's day, etc) I just know I can expect one lining my inbox - my family has very reliable love! My parents were concerned that someone was thinking about me for my brithday :) They are going to be pleasantly surprised with the events of the day.

So I got home and checked the mail. I had a birthday card from Russ' grandma (she's really good about sending birthday cards to the WHOLE family - and that's a lot of kids, grandkids, and greatgrandkids. It's pretty amazing.) and a check from State Farm insurance for Vincente's car seat that I bought him after the wreck. Since I wasn't expecting that check, it was a nice birthday present. Now I have spending money! :) On top of all THAT, I got a chiropractic appointment for tomorrow, made all the phone calls I needed, AND found out about my car.

They're going to pay us $13,550 for the car :) Which after the loan payoff leaves us with about a $3500 down payment on a new car. Fabulous, I know! I can pretty much buy whatever car I want, because we can probably pre-qualify for a loan at the same bank we have our loan at right now! Yes, so that was birthday present #10 or something like that. The day just couldn't get better.

Then Christy came and took us out for dinner. It was way fun. My sister is fabulous, and I love her a lot. Vincente read the word "Up" at the resturant from the kids' menu. Check back tomorrow for the details on that one - it was amazing! My kid is a genius, officially!! Anyway, I had a yummy-licious steak. Then Christy was going to take us to WalMart, pick up some ice cream and then take us back home for ice cream treats. Well, both of us were really stuffed after the great dinner, and I mentioned to Christy that my MIL wanted to do something with the family for my birthday, so we should probably be getting home anyway. We pulled up at the house and I saw a blue Jeep Patriot pull up. That's Will and Maria's car. I thought... what are Will and Maria doing here... that's random. Then I figured maybe one of Heather's friends had the same car. When we got to the door in the garage, it was locked. I figured someone must have thought Vincente was around and they should lock the door to make sure he didn't get out. When I opened the door and the lights were all out, except for the glow of birthday candles from the counter, I couldn't help myself. Tears started coming as my friends and family sang Happy Birthday to me. My Uncle Dave and Aunt Tammy and all their girls were there, along with my best friends Jessica (and her little sister Lindsey), Chrystal, and Maria (and her daughter Cadence), and of course Christy and all the Rowley clan. 

It was the best birthday party a girl could ever ask for. I don't think I've ever had a party that I didn't plan myself - not because I have to throw parties to get people to come see me, but I just like having parties! I love my friends, and I love my family - and to have them think about me like this was just really really touching. Especially at a time when I sometimes feel really lonely, missing Russ. And especially on my birthday - an occaision that sometimes feels like it only means a lot to you, and sometimes your spouse, if you're lucky. Russ and I have always celebrated our birthdays together, since his birthday is tomorrow. This is the first birthday we haven't celebrated together since we've known each other. And the Rowley clan really made it memorable for me. This is probably the best birthday I've ever had. 

I feel really blessed to have so many people who love me and care about me. I think I notice it more while Russ is gone - not so much because they are loving me more, but because Russ' love is so far away, their love rushes in to fill the void. And I know Russ loves me, too - he sent his mom a letter (which she got this morning) asking her to please do something special for my birthday. Little did he know what she had up her sleeve! 

I just can't express my gratitude enough for such good family and friends. I feel like the most loved person on the planet today! And that's how birthdays should be!!

RELIEF

At last, the point of my exsistence this past week - to talk to Russ on the phone. It was great to hear his voice, even though the quality was a little on the weak end, since he had to use a pay phone. Apparently the punk teenager kids in his platoon weren't checking the cell phones back in to the Drill Sergeant after their Sunday calls. This of course is against the rules (and trying to hide stuff from Drill Sergeants is NEVER a good idea... that's like ASKING for death or dismemberment, or maybe both). So as a result, all the cell phones got confiscated and instead of getting MORE privileges (since they've been at Basic so long) they're getting privileges taken away. Because of the stupid teenage kids. That's probably Russ' biggest challenge at Basic Training - dealing with the same kinds of kids that it was his job to "fix" when he worked at therapeutic boarding schools - the kind of kids who punch other kids in the face, breaking their jaws. Yes... a kid did that... and went to jail for it. And is back at Basic Training. I told Russ before he left that at Basic they try to find ways to keep you there, not kick you out. I said that to Russ to be encouraging, because he lacks confidence in his physical fitness skills... not because he was planning on beating people up. But this just proves my point - if kids who keep getting sent to jail while they are AT Basic Training get to go BACK to Basic Training... well, then I'm sure they're going to keep Russ there even if he has a hard time doing enough push ups and sit ups. I'm positive he's one of the best soldiers they have there. He's obedient, honest, a hard worker, and really physically fit, even if he can't do 100 gazillion push ups and sit ups.

Speaking of which, when we talked today, I asked him about his PFT and such. He said he still struggles with push ups and sit ups, but that his running is great. He ran a 6'47" mile. That's fast. And he's in the "Alpha Company" for running, which is the fastest people. Out of about 80 people who started, only 16 are still in it. They run around a 7 minute mile every time they run... and not just one mile. They run three. I don't care who you are, that's hard. So he's probably slimming down in his gut, which is good, because he was putting on a little too much fat. I hope he still has his muscles up top - mostly for his sake. He likes being strong. Well, he likes LOOKING strong, and being strong usually comes along with that (the opposite is not always true). Anyway, oh yes, and people keep stealing his underwear... weird, I know. That is the strangest thing I have ever heard of anyone stealing... underwear? Yuck. Why would you even want to wear another person's underwear? Anyway, so he's having to buy new black spandex shorts all the time (the required PT uniform undies). I told him that I will just go buy a bunch of cheap ones at Wal Mart and send him a pair every week. That way, if kids steal them, it won't matter, because he'll have more as soon as they do. In fact, if I send him too many, then he can give them away! He'll be the most popular private there! Heh. Anyway, weird kids. Stealing underwear! I just can't get over it!! That's disgusting!

Okay, so there you have it - the update for now. Life is good for us. I'm calling the chiropractor tomorrow so I can get my back and hips fixed. They pop all the time when I move... which can't be good. And school - so going like smoothness. I have a religion test this week over the gospel of Mark. Hmm... so I should probably go finish reading it! End of update!

twice

I don't know why I'm posting again today. Maybe because I'm feeling a little better? I got to take a nap. It was the best. And I got to donate my BYU ticket to my very good friend and her hubby, who also ended up being able to get a ticket, and they got to go to a BYU football game. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I love friends, especially the ones who have you over and watch your kid and feed you food all the time when you're missing your SOS.

I think really the only reason I'm writing again today is because I have to stay up to do laundry. Instead of doing my laundry this morning like a relatively sane person (and without Russ, I only have to do two small loads each week! It's amazing!) I waited, because I was lazy (and tired, and hurting... you get the picture) and then my MIL had to do her laundry (and I guess that's only fair, since Saturday isn't technically my laundry day ... I get the afternoons during the week ... plus, it is her washing machine and dryer, so I really can't complain, especially since we're completely mooching off them anyway!) by the time I decided to do my laundry. So now I am up doing laundry. I would just wait until Monday, but all of Vincente's Sunday clothes need washing. His shirt, his jacket, his pants. Pretty much the only things that stay clean on Sunday are his tie and his belt (he has multiple pairs of Sunday socks, so those don't count). It probably has something to do with this weird idea I have that we should stay dressed in our Sunday clothes the whole Sabbath. I think it's more a personal thing for me. If I stay dressed up, I'm more likely to remember Whose day it really is, and keep it holy. If I get in comfy clothes, then I feel like the day is for me to cuddle on the couch and watch a good movie. Unless the movie is The Testaments or Legacy, that doesn't really fit my idea of worshipping the Lord. I won't say I'm the perfect image of keeping the Sabbath day holy, but I do like to try. I like to dedicate all my time on the Sabbath to serving the Lord. Some activities I like to do (once I'm done with Church and choir practice) are playing hymns (on the piano or violin), studying conference talks or BYU devotionals, working on Family History research, reading the scriptures, or watching Church videos with Vincente. We like watching the Living Scriptures videos, even though we only own one. I know they aren't 100% accurate all the time, but they are pretty close, and they are really good for Vincente to watch, when he wants a show on Sundays. I'd rather him watch that than commercial television. 

Anyway, the point is, I am awake doing laundry... sucks to be me, I know. Eventually I will go to sleep (probably as soon as I get the whites in the dryer and the other load in the washer... if I put the other load in the dryer as soon as I wake up, it will be ready just in time to head out the door!)

And... nursery for Vincente tomorrow!! I'll have to remember to scamper over after RS a little faster. We went over last week, and then I lollygagged for a minute before I realized that Vincente wasn't just hanging out with Russ!

Oh yes, and the best part about tomorrow (hopefully) - a PHONE CALL from RUSSELLHEAD! You will most definitely know if I do or don't get the call. If the title for tomorrow's post is in all caps, you'll know I got one. If it's only one or two words, all lower-case, and with the words "lonliness" in the heading... well, you'll know I didn't get the call, or I missed the call.

But here's to hoping I get a call tomorrow :)

A PHONE CALL!!

At last - I answered the phone at the right time! Russ called today (in choir practice, in the middle of me directing our piece we're learning for October). I answered the phone and got to talk to him for probably about 30-45 minutes. It was fabulous. Very refreshing, very needed. I told him about the car accident. I didn't tell him that we rolled, but I told him that it wasn't our fault and that our car was totaled, so we would be getting a new car. I think he was okay about it. Anyway, we talked for a while, Vincente said "Hi" but mostly just enjoyed playing with the phone. I don't think he realized that it was Pai on the other end. But I know Vince misses Russ a lot, because he always asks to watch the videos Russ made for him. Well, Russ gave me a little bit of disturbing news about our BAH - that we may not get it, because we're living with his parents. Well, we're living with his parents for two reasons, 1.) to have childcare while I go to school, and 2.) to save money while Russ is gone. So basically, to save us money. But the problem is, if Russ doesn't get the BAH, then we're making LESS money that we were before he joined the military. And we thought we would at least be making the same amount of money. So it ends up that we're going to be making LESS money than we would if we were renting our own place and having Russ work the same job he had. Yes, that's right... it's COSTING us to live free at my in laws... not because they're charging us anything... but because the military said we'd get the BAH, and we may not. So anyway, we'll find out for sure in October when Russ gets his first check. 

Meanwhile, in other news - Vincente went to nursery today!! It was the most fulfilling Sunday I have ever had, and I think Vince thoroughly enjoyed himself as well. Of course he loves playing and snacks, but I think just being in nursery he feels like he belongs somewhere. 

He made this paper-bag gingerbread man today in nursery. It was so cute. When he walked out of nursery he handed it to me, gabbing about stuff. When I picked him up he snuggled me hard core. 

Poor little guy was pooped. So much fun in nursery! He usually naps during church, but no more, now that he has nursery. Which means he'll take EXCELLENT naps after church!! It's going to be great. I'm really excited that he did so well today. I checked up on him between Sunday School and Relief Society, and he looked content as can be. The nursery leaders said he was fine and hadn't even made a peep. What an angel. Boy do I love that little kid. I missed him a little... but not enough to wish he was back in meetings with me! Sacrament meeting is enough! But he's an angel during that, so I can't complain. He's such a good, obedient kid. I just know my next one is going to be a challenge! Well, I hope I get all sweet-tempered, beautiful children. All my children will be beautiful... but the sweet tempered I worry about. If they're anything like me, things could get hairy!

Well, we're recovering from the accident. I'm going to pick up the police report tomorrow after school and fax it to the insurance company. Then hopefully we'll get this ball rolling and I'll be able to get a new car before too long. I'm looking at a Highlander or a Pilot. More room, but still pretty good gas mileage. I'd like a 4-cylinder with the extra seat, but we'll see if I can be that picky. I might just have to go for a V6 with the extra seat... that's just worse fuel economy than I'm really willing to sacrifice for the extra room...

We'll see.

a letter! and an address!

I finally got a letter from Russ with a useable return address!! So now I am probably going to send him a letter EVERY SINGLE DAY! I miss him soooo much, and it's unbearable not to be able to talk to him, so mailing him a letter every day will have to do. I hope he doesn't mind :) The other privates are going to wonder why he gets so much mail. It's because his wife loves him soooooo much and is absolutely lonely without him... and this will go on until DECEMBER! Ack!

But on an even BETTER note - he'll probably get to call EVERY Sunday! He didn't say that, and the Fort didn't say that, but they DID say that he gets to call home "frequently," and since they have religious services every Sunday, I'm betting he'll get to call around that time. Hooray!! I can't wait to talk to him again!!!! I'm going to sit right next to a cell tower the whole day, to make sure I have excellent reception. There is no way my phone is going to fail to ring. I am going to be listening for my phone like you've never seen someone listen for a phone... and as soon as it rings, I am going to pick it up and scream, "I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU YOU ARE MY FAVORITE HANDSOME MAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!" Okay, maybe not those exact words, and maybe not screaming... but definitely that amount of emotion, maybe more. Maybe I won't even be able to say anything I'll be crying so hard!! I miss him sooooooo much.

Sigh.

Well, I should go to bed. I do have school in the morning, although I don't have to run, and I don't have aerobics... I can just ... sleep in ... and maybe do some homework... and maybe... sleep in... :)

Another Lost Call

Russ called again today, this time my phone rang, but because I didn't think he was going to call again, I didn't have my phone with me. So I didn't answer it. I got kind of bummed about it. Now my phone is living with me. Never out of my sight. In case he calls. I love him so much, and I miss him a lot...

I really want to talk to him and tell him that... 

I miss him...

I miss him...

I hate phones

So, apparently Russ called again on Thursday. It was "the" phone call they get. And my phone never even rang. It didn't register a missed call... nothing... just... a message. While that is all wonderful, I had my phone next to me the ENTIRE day, knowing that he would probably call... and then my phone malfunctions or the cell phone towers are busted or whatever. I should have had him call his parent's land line. But I can't remember if I was out or not. I know that Vincente and I took a long nap Thursday afternoon, because we slept through playgroup. We did a lot of shopping earlier that day, so I can't imagine that we were gone anywhere in the evening.

So I am now very very depressed. The only thing that was keeping me going this weekend was the thought that he would call sometime this week. And now I don't even have that. Now I have nothing until he sends a letter, because he didn't even have a mailing address. Maybe I'll just send something to the fort addressed to him and hope it gets to him. I miss him sooo much and I really need to have some form of communication or things will get really bad.

If I disappear from the face of the planet for the next 48 hours, don't send the search parties. Unless I don't show up for school on Tuesday... then start looking.