pain and misery

My head hurts. A lot. And it didn't go away with rest. And it didn't go away with Tylenol. I hate headaches. A lot. So this is my post for the day because my head hurts, and looking at the screen doesn't help.

simplicity

We finally have a new car! Now life is back to being (mostly) simple. Like making sugar cookies on Saturday mornings. And playing frisbee at night while the dogs run crazy around the yard. In general, just having a good time, no matter what we are doing.

Here is a glimpse of the new car. It was my first experience haggling for a car price! I have to say I did a pretty good job. I walked out paying (after taxes, fees, etc) over $1000 under the LOW book price. So, I feel pretty good about myself! And I qualified for the loan all by myself.

I am feeling very complete right now. Finished, like life goes back to normal. Of course, once it gets back to normal is when it will start getting crazy again! Stinking life never just stays simple for too long.

I love my soldier

I tried to scan a picture of Russ to include in the post, but my in-laws computer doesn't have any more room left on their (40G!) harddrive upstairs, so I couldn't save the scan. Anyway, I'll update this post with his picture probably tomorrow at school, or maybe on Tuesday.

Russ called today! On his own cell phone! Which was FABULOUS. It was exciting to see his name pop up on my phone. Hooray for mein Lieber. We talked for a while - it was so refreshing to talk to him (it always is). He sounds like he misses us a lot. Not that I didn't already know that, but it makes my heart break to be so far away from him. A man needs his family, and a family needs their papai. Soon... soon...

I really love my hubby. He's sore from doing a bunch of pushups, so I hope he will be able to recover before he has to take another PFT. He said he's so sore he can't even do ONE pushup - which means he must be pretty sore. I guess he over did it when he was doing them on his own. My strong hubby. I told him he should get a blessing. I think that would help him recover faster. Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I think he will do fine if he has faith. 

I got to tell him all about our car situation - he was really impressed with my awesome interest rate! :) I'm really satisfied with our financial situation and how we're dealing with staying out of debt and setting ourselves up for a good financial future. We really want to serve missions and be able to serve the Church, and I think we're eventually going to be in a really good position to do that.

I love Russ, and I miss him a lot. But right now my focus is on school and keeping myself and my babies healthy. I can't wait to buy a car so this car thing will be completely over and done with!!

living water

I went to the General Relief Society Broadcast today with my MIL and my sister-in-law Mary (here after referred to as Memo). It was oodles of fun (well, the drive up, and the dinner before hand, and the drive down). The conference itself was a wonderful uplifting meeting. President Uchtdorf gave a particularily encouraging talk. I felt really motivated after his talk.

I would write more, but Vincente is needed my attention, and since I left him home all day (he hasn't seen me since before his nap!) I can't deny his requests.

So, off to play mommy! My favorite job of all, by far. Read/listen to the conference, if you didn't get a chance to, and if you did get a chance to listen or watch, re-read, re-listen, or re-watch... it will totally be worth it!

Communication!

I got a letter from Russ today. It's entirely in Portuguese (apparently I asked him to write in Portuguese. He asked me on Sunday if I was serious... and being more in my right mind I said "Heck no!" My Portuguese skills are only one step above non-existant!).

So now I'm trying to translate his letter! Wish me luck!

alone

I'm alone... and I haven't got a letter from Russ in nearly a WEEK! What's wrong with that crazy head man! I'm writing him letters EVERY day, telling him how much I miss him and love him and he's out playing soldier and forgetting about his little family that wants to hold him and cuddle him and roll around and play horsies and tigers and monsters, and be thrown up in the air by him (obviously you know I'm not just talking about myself here). I miss Vincente's face when Russ plays with him. I miss Russ' smell. I miss his big strong hugs. I miss his prickly face (it's even prickly almost right after he shaves!). I miss hearing his motorcycle coming up the street. I even miss hearing his motorcycle leave for work at night! I miss missing him for a few hours, and then seeing him, and falling in love all over again. I miss family prayers in Portuguese. I miss cooking together. I miss getting myself cute for him, knowing that he's going to look at me that way and tell me how beautiful I am. I miss holding his hand while we take Vincente on walks. I miss hearing him sing lullabies to Vincente at night. I miss resting my head on his chest while we're watching movies. 

Okay! Enough. We're going to see him in less than 2 months... but it seems forever away! and then he's gone AGAIN! I guess we'll probably see him on Thanksgiving and at Christmas... but I just can't wait to live close to him again. It's not so much that there is an empty place in my heart as it is like something has been stretched out of my heart and is still attached, but is very far away and is pulling and pulling at me. And I want it back. Right now. I feel like stomping my foot and pouting. 

I want my Russellhead.

too worn out

Yes. I am way too tired to write anything today, but I thought I should, because Heavenly Father has decided that this car accident thing should be the easiest trial I have ever dealt with. I keep trying to make it out to be worse than it is, but the pieces keep falling into place - our safety the day of the accident, the insurance giving me a good deal for my totaled car, paying for a rental, taking care of everything, basically, then me being able to qualify for an amazing loan by myself, and finding a killer deal on the exact car I want (actually, a killer deal on a better version of the exact car I want!)...

Anyway, I keep trying to make it be worse than it is, but then Heavenly Father plops another blessing in my lap, as if He is saying "Becca, you know I won't let anything be too hard for you right now." And then I sit, dumbfounded, wondering how on earth I am going to pay Him back for all these blessings. 

He really is looking out for us. And He loves us, I have no doubts about it!

Vincente's First Word

I don't mean his first SPOKEN word - he's been speaking words for a long time (about 12/13 months) ... I mean his first READ word. 

For the past few months, Vincente has been ejoying learning his letters and "reading." He can recognize A, B, C, D, and I, in any order, anywhere you write them. Ever since I taught him those few letters, he started "reading" anything that looked like words. He would "read" receipts, hymnbooks, my planner, any books he could find, and so on. His "reading" consists mainly of saying letters, and then graduated into saying all sorts of sounds and two syllable "words." 

I thought I should take advantage of his interest in reading and read more books to him. So I dug out all the "Bright and Early Books for BEGINNING beginners" - a bunch of Dr. Suess books, and some others. The first one I pulled out was Great Day for Up. The reason I picked this book first is because the word "UP" is almost always written in bigger, brighter colored print, so I thought "Hey, maybe he'll learn the word 'Up'"

Well, we sat down to read. Vincente, with his attention span typical for his age, sat through maybe three pages, and then kept turning the pages by himself saying "Up! Up!" on each page. I thought "Great... now he'll never learn how to read... he can't even let me finish one VERY short book."

So I gave up, let him have the book, and moved on to my own homework. 

Well, this was last week sometime, now fast forward to last night at my birthday dinner. Christy took me out, and we were sitting there drawing on the kids' menu with Vincente. He wanted me to draw his letters, then cars, busses, trains, trucks, etc. After a little while of drawing pictures, Vincente randomly (I thought!) said "Up!" Christy and I chuckled, and I told her how I had read him Great Day for Up recently, and he just likes saying the word "Up!"

We continued talking and drawing and eating our salads, when I looked down and read what Vincente's menu said. At the top of the page were the words "What I want to be when I GROW UP" (the words "grow up" were in bigger print). I said to Christy, "Look! It says 'Up' on this page! Vincente read 'Up'!" We started getting hysterical - my 18 month old child recognized the word "Up"!!! Anyway, so we called my mom to tell her the great news - her first grandson is starting to read at the tender age of 18  months! 

It's not like I have been trying to teach him how to read anyway - I was going to wait until I finished school to even teach him his letters, really. But hey, if they want to learn, there's nothing wrong with helping them out. So Vincente and I are going to read more often, and I'm going to buy him alphabet blocks so he can start learning all of his letters :)

Surprise

Today was my birthday. I wouldn't have even really wrote about it being my birthday if not for the most fabulous things that happened today.

I woke up this morning not really even thinking about my birthday. More wondering why on earth Vincente didn't sleep longer. I went upstairs to find him, and of course there is my MIL taking care of him like the sweet grandma she is (she never wakes me up if Vince wakes up without waking me up ... she just takes care of him. Unless she has to leave somewhere, then she brings him down and plops him in bed with me :) ) As I walk upstairs in my pjs with my hair all frizzy and probably with mascara under my eyes, she says "Happy Birthday, Becca!" Of course, that makes me smile, because everyone just loves being wished happy birthday. Then she made me some hot cocoa, and we sat on the couch with V

ince snuggled between us and watched some show on Playhouse Disney (I don't even remember what it was, I just remember Vince laying his head on me and loving me and drinking his sip

py cup... and my hot cocoa).

After that, my MIL said "I'll watch Vincente while you go get ready for school and make yourself all cute for your birthday - that's always good." I love having time in the morning to dedicate to make myself look good - because when I look good, I feel good. I wore my "cute" jeans - a pair of jeans I inheirited from my 17 year old sister in law after I had Vincente and couldn't fit back into my "skinny" jeans. I put on a pink shirt (pink always makes me feel cute), straightened my hair, put on my Coral jewelry, 

and did my makeup - complete with eye shadow, which I hardly ever wear anymore in the interest of time - and used a brand spanking new tube of mascara - I'd forgotten what new mascara feels like! Then I got all my snacks ready for school, played with Vince for a little bit, then head off to school. Christy had called me Sunday night and asked to take me out for my birthday dinner - so that was all I could really think about all day - going out to dinner with my favorite sister in the world! (okay, so she's my only sister, but I still loooove hanging out with her, and we're both so busy these days...)

So I spend the day at school as usual, played the piano for religion class, thoroughly enjoyed English (since I did the reading ;)  ) and as usual, enjoyed Phsyics. Then as a birthday present to myself I skipped my math class. I shouldn't have, but he drops our lowest 5 homework scores, so I figured why not use one on my birthday. Seemed like a great birthday gift to myself. On my way to my car I listened to my messages. My mom had called and left me a

 message singing Happy Birthday - those always make your day! I grinned the whole time, and it left me in a good mood for the rest of the day. I stopped by the post office on my way home to mail a letter to my sweet hubby off at Basic Trai

ning. I had to buy another book of stamps for him, and since the post office is on the road home, it's the most convenient place. I also had to ask about mailing him his cell phone. While I was in line at the post office, my dad called - but just as he was calling, the lady was ready for me, so I didn't answer. I called him back later to get even more happy birthday wishes! And of course, they sent me their trademark BlueMountain greeting card! Those are always my favorite to get from my parents. On days of note (birthdays, anniversaries, mother's day, etc) I just know I can expect one lining my inbox - my family has very reliable love! My parents were concerned that someone was thinking about me for my brithday :) They are going to be pleasantly surprised with the events of the day.

So I got home and checked the mail. I had a birthday card from Russ' grandma (she's really good about sending birthday cards to the WHOLE family - and that's a lot of kids, grandkids, and greatgrandkids. It's pretty amazing.) and a check from State Farm insurance for Vincente's car seat that I bought him after the wreck. Since I wasn't expecting that check, it was a nice birthday present. Now I have spending money! :) On top of all THAT, I got a chiropractic appointment for tomorrow, made all the phone calls I needed, AND found out about my car.

They're going to pay us $13,550 for the car :) Which after the loan payoff leaves us with about a $3500 down payment on a new car. Fabulous, I know! I can pretty much buy whatever car I want, because we can probably pre-qualify for a loan at the same bank we have our loan at right now! Yes, so that was birthday present #10 or something like that. The day just couldn't get better.

Then Christy came and took us out for dinner. It was way fun. My sister is fabulous, and I love her a lot. Vincente read the word "Up" at the resturant from the kids' menu. Check back tomorrow for the details on that one - it was amazing! My kid is a genius, officially!! Anyway, I had a yummy-licious steak. Then Christy was going to take us to WalMart, pick up some ice cream and then take us back home for ice cream treats. Well, both of us were really stuffed after the great dinner, and I mentioned to Christy that my MIL wanted to do something with the family for my birthday, so we should probably be getting home anyway. We pulled up at the house and I saw a blue Jeep Patriot pull up. That's Will and Maria's car. I thought... what are Will and Maria doing here... that's random. Then I figured maybe one of Heather's friends had the same car. When we got to the door in the garage, it was locked. I figured someone must have thought Vincente was around and they should lock the door to make sure he didn't get out. When I opened the door and the lights were all out, except for the glow of birthday candles from the counter, I couldn't help myself. Tears started coming as my friends and family sang Happy Birthday to me. My Uncle Dave and Aunt Tammy and all their girls were there, along with my best friends Jessica (and her little sister Lindsey), Chrystal, and Maria (and her daughter Cadence), and of course Christy and all the Rowley clan. 

It was the best birthday party a girl could ever ask for. I don't think I've ever had a party that I didn't plan myself - not because I have to throw parties to get people to come see me, but I just like having parties! I love my friends, and I love my family - and to have them think about me like this was just really really touching. Especially at a time when I sometimes feel really lonely, missing Russ. And especially on my birthday - an occaision that sometimes feels like it only means a lot to you, and sometimes your spouse, if you're lucky. Russ and I have always celebrated our birthdays together, since his birthday is tomorrow. This is the first birthday we haven't celebrated together since we've known each other. And the Rowley clan really made it memorable for me. This is probably the best birthday I've ever had. 

I feel really blessed to have so many people who love me and care about me. I think I notice it more while Russ is gone - not so much because they are loving me more, but because Russ' love is so far away, their love rushes in to fill the void. And I know Russ loves me, too - he sent his mom a letter (which she got this morning) asking her to please do something special for my birthday. Little did he know what she had up her sleeve! 

I just can't express my gratitude enough for such good family and friends. I feel like the most loved person on the planet today! And that's how birthdays should be!!

RELIEF

At last, the point of my exsistence this past week - to talk to Russ on the phone. It was great to hear his voice, even though the quality was a little on the weak end, since he had to use a pay phone. Apparently the punk teenager kids in his platoon weren't checking the cell phones back in to the Drill Sergeant after their Sunday calls. This of course is against the rules (and trying to hide stuff from Drill Sergeants is NEVER a good idea... that's like ASKING for death or dismemberment, or maybe both). So as a result, all the cell phones got confiscated and instead of getting MORE privileges (since they've been at Basic so long) they're getting privileges taken away. Because of the stupid teenage kids. That's probably Russ' biggest challenge at Basic Training - dealing with the same kinds of kids that it was his job to "fix" when he worked at therapeutic boarding schools - the kind of kids who punch other kids in the face, breaking their jaws. Yes... a kid did that... and went to jail for it. And is back at Basic Training. I told Russ before he left that at Basic they try to find ways to keep you there, not kick you out. I said that to Russ to be encouraging, because he lacks confidence in his physical fitness skills... not because he was planning on beating people up. But this just proves my point - if kids who keep getting sent to jail while they are AT Basic Training get to go BACK to Basic Training... well, then I'm sure they're going to keep Russ there even if he has a hard time doing enough push ups and sit ups. I'm positive he's one of the best soldiers they have there. He's obedient, honest, a hard worker, and really physically fit, even if he can't do 100 gazillion push ups and sit ups.

Speaking of which, when we talked today, I asked him about his PFT and such. He said he still struggles with push ups and sit ups, but that his running is great. He ran a 6'47" mile. That's fast. And he's in the "Alpha Company" for running, which is the fastest people. Out of about 80 people who started, only 16 are still in it. They run around a 7 minute mile every time they run... and not just one mile. They run three. I don't care who you are, that's hard. So he's probably slimming down in his gut, which is good, because he was putting on a little too much fat. I hope he still has his muscles up top - mostly for his sake. He likes being strong. Well, he likes LOOKING strong, and being strong usually comes along with that (the opposite is not always true). Anyway, oh yes, and people keep stealing his underwear... weird, I know. That is the strangest thing I have ever heard of anyone stealing... underwear? Yuck. Why would you even want to wear another person's underwear? Anyway, so he's having to buy new black spandex shorts all the time (the required PT uniform undies). I told him that I will just go buy a bunch of cheap ones at Wal Mart and send him a pair every week. That way, if kids steal them, it won't matter, because he'll have more as soon as they do. In fact, if I send him too many, then he can give them away! He'll be the most popular private there! Heh. Anyway, weird kids. Stealing underwear! I just can't get over it!! That's disgusting!

Okay, so there you have it - the update for now. Life is good for us. I'm calling the chiropractor tomorrow so I can get my back and hips fixed. They pop all the time when I move... which can't be good. And school - so going like smoothness. I have a religion test this week over the gospel of Mark. Hmm... so I should probably go finish reading it! End of update!

twice

I don't know why I'm posting again today. Maybe because I'm feeling a little better? I got to take a nap. It was the best. And I got to donate my BYU ticket to my very good friend and her hubby, who also ended up being able to get a ticket, and they got to go to a BYU football game. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I love friends, especially the ones who have you over and watch your kid and feed you food all the time when you're missing your SOS.

I think really the only reason I'm writing again today is because I have to stay up to do laundry. Instead of doing my laundry this morning like a relatively sane person (and without Russ, I only have to do two small loads each week! It's amazing!) I waited, because I was lazy (and tired, and hurting... you get the picture) and then my MIL had to do her laundry (and I guess that's only fair, since Saturday isn't technically my laundry day ... I get the afternoons during the week ... plus, it is her washing machine and dryer, so I really can't complain, especially since we're completely mooching off them anyway!) by the time I decided to do my laundry. So now I am up doing laundry. I would just wait until Monday, but all of Vincente's Sunday clothes need washing. His shirt, his jacket, his pants. Pretty much the only things that stay clean on Sunday are his tie and his belt (he has multiple pairs of Sunday socks, so those don't count). It probably has something to do with this weird idea I have that we should stay dressed in our Sunday clothes the whole Sabbath. I think it's more a personal thing for me. If I stay dressed up, I'm more likely to remember Whose day it really is, and keep it holy. If I get in comfy clothes, then I feel like the day is for me to cuddle on the couch and watch a good movie. Unless the movie is The Testaments or Legacy, that doesn't really fit my idea of worshipping the Lord. I won't say I'm the perfect image of keeping the Sabbath day holy, but I do like to try. I like to dedicate all my time on the Sabbath to serving the Lord. Some activities I like to do (once I'm done with Church and choir practice) are playing hymns (on the piano or violin), studying conference talks or BYU devotionals, working on Family History research, reading the scriptures, or watching Church videos with Vincente. We like watching the Living Scriptures videos, even though we only own one. I know they aren't 100% accurate all the time, but they are pretty close, and they are really good for Vincente to watch, when he wants a show on Sundays. I'd rather him watch that than commercial television. 

Anyway, the point is, I am awake doing laundry... sucks to be me, I know. Eventually I will go to sleep (probably as soon as I get the whites in the dryer and the other load in the washer... if I put the other load in the dryer as soon as I wake up, it will be ready just in time to head out the door!)

And... nursery for Vincente tomorrow!! I'll have to remember to scamper over after RS a little faster. We went over last week, and then I lollygagged for a minute before I realized that Vincente wasn't just hanging out with Russ!

Oh yes, and the best part about tomorrow (hopefully) - a PHONE CALL from RUSSELLHEAD! You will most definitely know if I do or don't get the call. If the title for tomorrow's post is in all caps, you'll know I got one. If it's only one or two words, all lower-case, and with the words "lonliness" in the heading... well, you'll know I didn't get the call, or I missed the call.

But here's to hoping I get a call tomorrow :)

stone eggs

The loneliness bird is laying stone eggs in my heart again. 

I only got one letter from Russ this week, and he wrote it before I talked to him on Sunday, so it didn't really have anything new in it. Maybe I should read all his letters again... it may help aleiviate some of the heavy-heart feelings I have right now. I just miss him a lot, and right now with all the stress of dealing with car insurance, doctors, etc and trying to keep up with school, I am just so tired all the time. It doesn't help that being pregnant makes it hard to sleep at night (super bad congestion) and hard to eat in the morning (nausea...). I would say life is horrible right now, but it's actually pretty good, and I can see a lot of blessings in my life. I am just really tired, and I don't like feeling tired. I probably just need a good nap. That's also something hard to get because I'm playing "single mom" right now. So if Vincente needs something, I am the one who has to take care of him. And if he wakes up early, there's no one else to tend him while I sleep in for a little bit. And if I just need a few minutes of shut eye in the afternoon, it has to be while he's napping (which also happens to be the best time to get things done that take a little more concentration). I do not envy the job of a single mom, and I admire every last one of them. It's a hard job, and I live with my in-laws, so I do get help sometimes, when they aren't all busy. But I wouldn't want this to go on much longer than it has to.

Good thing I have so many happy good things going for me. And good thing I love my little Vince so much that it is totally worth it.

it's wonderful

The insurance finally accepted liability for the car accident! They called the repair place (where my car has been sitting for over a week!) and are going to get the ball rolling. Hopefully I'll have my car appraised and a check waiting for me within the week! Hoorah! There are still a million things to call. Just when I think it's getting easy... I still have to get my back taken care of, bill my insurance for Vincente's pediatrician check up, look for a car, call the bank, get my car appraised (on my own... to make sure I don't get screwed over), and all the while go to school and stay on top of my homework. This is going to be a crazy weekend!!!

On another note, I'm sending Russ a birthday package tomrrow! I hope he gets to play with all the fun birthday party things I'm sending him! It's hard to know what to send him, because he hasn't told me what he has. I'm sending stamps,

 because you can never have too many stamps. 

Oh yes, and my class ring came today!! Hooray class ring!! It is beautiful. Russ' will come soon, I think. We're going to be officially a graduated family. What a wonderful thing. It's been a long time coming. 

I was thinking yesterday how good I feel about myself, that I was able to get married and start a family, all while continuing my education. It was really hard sometimes, but as the season of my formal education draws to a close, I look back and think about what an awesome experience it was for me, for Russ, and for Vincente. The fact that I finished my degree will tell my children something. It will show them that their mom is strong, and finishes what she starts. They will know that education is important to me. I want my children to be blessed by education, and what a better way to teach them the importance of education than by working for it myself. For any of you who want to finish your school - do it! It may be hard for a little while, but the payoff in the end will be SO worth it! Even if you never use your degree formally in a career - just the character you build by perservering will be a  benefit. I can't remember who said it, but someone has said that children will never recover from the ignorance of their mothers.

Hats off to all you mothers out there who persue your educational goals, whether they be formal or informal. Your children will be blessed for it!

No Child Left Behind?

I am writing a research paper for my English class. It's more of an issues paper, and I am going to talk about education law and federal vs. state power when it comes to education. Whose responsibility is it? How have both branches (federal and state) been attempting to equalize the quality of education? How have they succeeded? How have they fallen short? What are some things each could do differently? What are some alternative solutions? 

So that's pretty much it. It's going to be some hefty research, and I want to find some good statistics - high school dropout rates, ACT scores, AP courses taken, AP exams taken, reading levels, etc etc - and compare schools before NCLB, and after NCLB, and analyze pretty much that entire law (NCLB). I downloaded the entire text from the US Department of Education. It's going to be a nice long read... probably potty reading ;) Heh, just kidding. 

If you have any opinions, please feel free to leave them here, or email me. I'm trying to collect as many different viewpoints as possible. 

Wish me luck!

good things

I just decided that I really like reading people's blogs. Especially people I like :) Of course, I wouldn't read your blog if I didn't like you! 

Things here are going along great - school is getting back together. The car accident just made things really crappy for a while. (excuse my french) I'm starting to get a little belly, which is actually kind of weird, because when I was weighed on Thursday after the car accident (to make sure Baby #2 was okay) I hadn't actually gained any weight since my last appointment 4 weeks ago... But here comes trimester 2, and if I remember correctly, that's when the weight gain was the worst... or best. But this time I'm staying fit, running, doing step aerobics, and don't forget chasing around an inexhaustable toddler. Plus going to school, and the fact that all of my classes are in different buildings, and usually on opposite ends of campus from each other. Which leads to me huffing and puffing my way across campus. It's weird, I'm not even big yet and I already feel awkward. 

And this car accident has taken a lot out of my health. The odd part about it is that I wasn't really hurt. But the stress is making me sick, exhausted, and feeling icky. Thankfully I have Heavenly Father to rely on. That's the only thing that can make these things better, anyway. He's protected us, blessed us, and led our lives... now I just need to ask Him for more. It always seems like I'm being selfish, or asking for too much, but the thing is, Heavenly Father wants to bless us more than He is blessing us. He wants us to ask for it, and He wants us to keep our promises to Him. It's amazing how He can sustain me and lift me up when I'm tired and I don't think I can go on.

I'm just feeling really grateful since the car accident. And since we found out that we will get a separation allowance, we'll be able to get out of debt even faster! Which means that we'll get to save more faster! Which means Heavenly Father is blessing us more than we know how to thank Him for. 

I really feel like angels were with us in that car accident. I really feel that Heavenly Father wanted us to know how watched over we are. I think He wanted me to know without a doubt that He is with us while Russ is gone, and even when Russ is here, but especially right now when we need Him the most, He is hear watching us, paying special attention to us. And I feel completely grateful for it.

private access only

This blog is going private. If you are a regular reader of my blog (and I don't know it) send me an email, or message me on facebook, or whatever. We'll probably go private around the end of September or the beginning of October.

Anyway, if you are family, don't worry about getting an invite - you'll automatically get one. Other than that, you'll have to let me know you're interested in our life :)

BAH

Just kidding about BAH - I just looked at our MyPay account... and our check for September has already posted... weird because supposedly you get paid on the 1st and 15th of each month (or just the 1st)... but we're getting paid on the 19th... I am officially confused with military pay schedules. I always have been, but I thought it was just because Russ was only drilling. Now that he is full-time military... I am still confused, so I guess that makes me officially confused. Anyway, regardless of confusion, we get our BAH. The whole thing. Fabulous. And we get a separation allowance, which I wasn't expecting - which is super great! Any extra money is always a nice thing. So, onward and upward out of debt, and hooray for getting a new car!

A PHONE CALL!!

At last - I answered the phone at the right time! Russ called today (in choir practice, in the middle of me directing our piece we're learning for October). I answered the phone and got to talk to him for probably about 30-45 minutes. It was fabulous. Very refreshing, very needed. I told him about the car accident. I didn't tell him that we rolled, but I told him that it wasn't our fault and that our car was totaled, so we would be getting a new car. I think he was okay about it. Anyway, we talked for a while, Vincente said "Hi" but mostly just enjoyed playing with the phone. I don't think he realized that it was Pai on the other end. But I know Vince misses Russ a lot, because he always asks to watch the videos Russ made for him. Well, Russ gave me a little bit of disturbing news about our BAH - that we may not get it, because we're living with his parents. Well, we're living with his parents for two reasons, 1.) to have childcare while I go to school, and 2.) to save money while Russ is gone. So basically, to save us money. But the problem is, if Russ doesn't get the BAH, then we're making LESS money that we were before he joined the military. And we thought we would at least be making the same amount of money. So it ends up that we're going to be making LESS money than we would if we were renting our own place and having Russ work the same job he had. Yes, that's right... it's COSTING us to live free at my in laws... not because they're charging us anything... but because the military said we'd get the BAH, and we may not. So anyway, we'll find out for sure in October when Russ gets his first check. 

Meanwhile, in other news - Vincente went to nursery today!! It was the most fulfilling Sunday I have ever had, and I think Vince thoroughly enjoyed himself as well. Of course he loves playing and snacks, but I think just being in nursery he feels like he belongs somewhere. 

He made this paper-bag gingerbread man today in nursery. It was so cute. When he walked out of nursery he handed it to me, gabbing about stuff. When I picked him up he snuggled me hard core. 

Poor little guy was pooped. So much fun in nursery! He usually naps during church, but no more, now that he has nursery. Which means he'll take EXCELLENT naps after church!! It's going to be great. I'm really excited that he did so well today. I checked up on him between Sunday School and Relief Society, and he looked content as can be. The nursery leaders said he was fine and hadn't even made a peep. What an angel. Boy do I love that little kid. I missed him a little... but not enough to wish he was back in meetings with me! Sacrament meeting is enough! But he's an angel during that, so I can't complain. He's such a good, obedient kid. I just know my next one is going to be a challenge! Well, I hope I get all sweet-tempered, beautiful children. All my children will be beautiful... but the sweet tempered I worry about. If they're anything like me, things could get hairy!

Well, we're recovering from the accident. I'm going to pick up the police report tomorrow after school and fax it to the insurance company. Then hopefully we'll get this ball rolling and I'll be able to get a new car before too long. I'm looking at a Highlander or a Pilot. More room, but still pretty good gas mileage. I'd like a 4-cylinder with the extra seat, but we'll see if I can be that picky. I might just have to go for a V6 with the extra seat... that's just worse fuel economy than I'm really willing to sacrifice for the extra room...

We'll see.

crash

I picked up Vincente from the dentist's office today after school because he had to be there with my MIL while she waited for her 12 year old son to have his dentist visit. Then I was going to get home and wait for the two younger boys to get home from school, and if it was raining, I was going to go pick up the kindergartener from school so he wouldn't have to ride home in the rain.

I got Vince all buckled in the car seat. He was in his usually good mood, and played with me on the ride home, covering his face with his snuggle and playing peek-a-boo. Anyway, we started driving down the hill from Spanish Fork into Salem. The speed limit is reduced from 55 mph to 40 mph, and because people often "forget," the police dept puts up their little "friendly reminder" speed detector just past the new speed limit sign. They don't know this, but their speed detector is two mph slow. I can be going 42 and it thinks I'm going 40! But that's okay, because I go by my spedometer anyway. So I was watching my speed drop from 50 to 40 (well, from 48 to 38) on the speed detector, amused that my speed was two mph faster than it said it was.

Just past the speed detector, I turned around for a second to smile at Vincente - for just about as long as you look over your shoulder to do a shoulder check before changing lanes. When I turned back around, there it was. A yellowish gold car. Running into me. My first thought was "Oh crap! Maybe I swerved out of my lane!" My second thought was "I've been hit!" My third thought was "This airbag is yellow, my old one was white." My fourth thought was "Okay... I just got hit... oh crap... we're tipping over." As we rolled, my mind was flashing images of cars rolling over and bodies being flung out of the cars, bloody foreheads, broken legs... all sorts of scary things. Then when the car stopped rolling and was "safely" resting on the driver's side of the car, I looked back at Vincente and started screaming "My baby! My baby!" I struggled with my seatbelt for a second, then climbed over the driver's seat to the back driver's side door. Vincente was trapped in his carseat, screaming. I got him out of his harness, grabbed his snuggle, and held him close, telling him I had him and reassuring him that it was okay. His mouth was full of blood, but he seemed okay. Then I noticed people coming towards my car. They kept asking me "Are you okay? Is the baby okay? Are you the only people in the car?" but all I could do was scream "What happened? What happened? What happened?" Finally I asked "Was it my fault!?" Once the lady reassured me that it wasn't my fault, I handed Vincente to her and finished climbing out of my mangled car. I didn't 100% believe her, because her word wasn't the final say, but it was a little reassuring. 

Once we were out of the car, she got us to sit down on the side of the road. Vincente's emotions mirrored mine exactly. If I was hysterical, he was hysterical. If I could calm myself down, he was relatively calm, and kept pointing at the car and saying "Our car?" I think he was wondering why it was laying on its side. 

The EMT's looked us over, asked if we wanted to go to the hospital, and once we said no, they let us go home with my MIL and brother in law, Brady. They had come straight to the scene from the dentist's office. So Vincente and I escaped with abraisons from the seat belts and carseat, and Vince had a few little wounds on his tongue from biting it during the crash (that's what all the blood was from).

Besides being incredibly shaken up, not having a car, and not having a husband (ironically the only time I get in car accidents is when Russ is gone to military training...) we're doing alright. Kind of sore and banged up. I'm going to go to the Dr's office tomorrow to get the baby checked out. Vince looks fine, but if he starts acting weird at all, I'm taking him straight in to get checked. I could always take him in anyway, but it's too much of a hassle right now, and he really looks okay. Oh yes, and I have increased faith in my Evenflo Chase booster carseat. You hope you never really have to test the crash ratings for those things... but mine held up. They now come highly recommended by me :) I bought an Evenflo convertible carseat in the first place (the Evenflo Titan) because consumer reports gave it one of the best safety ratings. I figured if the convertible seat was so good, the booster carseats must be pretty good too. Turns out they are! :)

Anyway, if you ever need help installing your carseat correctly, let me know as well. I figure I must be a pro at it if my kid got out of a rolling car with only a bit tongue and some seatbelt burns. That's impressive!

While I was taking a jetted bath with Vince after the accident I kept thinking about why this might happen to me. I don't mean I was going around asking "Why me? Why me!?" I just like to see some kind of reason behind everything, because I believe that everything happens for a reason. I've been really feeling close to Heavenly Father lately, and I wasn't doing anything wrong or illegal or anything. So I thought about it, and then I thought about how we were relatively untouched during a really bad crash. I know guardian angels were looking out for us. And I honestly believe that there is more to it than this, but I think Heavenly Father wanted us to know that he is watching out for us, and that He will take care of us right now while Russ is away. It's like He's the Patriarch of our home while Russ is away. I feel very very blessed right now. 

a letter! and an address!

I finally got a letter from Russ with a useable return address!! So now I am probably going to send him a letter EVERY SINGLE DAY! I miss him soooo much, and it's unbearable not to be able to talk to him, so mailing him a letter every day will have to do. I hope he doesn't mind :) The other privates are going to wonder why he gets so much mail. It's because his wife loves him soooooo much and is absolutely lonely without him... and this will go on until DECEMBER! Ack!

But on an even BETTER note - he'll probably get to call EVERY Sunday! He didn't say that, and the Fort didn't say that, but they DID say that he gets to call home "frequently," and since they have religious services every Sunday, I'm betting he'll get to call around that time. Hooray!! I can't wait to talk to him again!!!! I'm going to sit right next to a cell tower the whole day, to make sure I have excellent reception. There is no way my phone is going to fail to ring. I am going to be listening for my phone like you've never seen someone listen for a phone... and as soon as it rings, I am going to pick it up and scream, "I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU YOU ARE MY FAVORITE HANDSOME MAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!" Okay, maybe not those exact words, and maybe not screaming... but definitely that amount of emotion, maybe more. Maybe I won't even be able to say anything I'll be crying so hard!! I miss him sooooooo much.

Sigh.

Well, I should go to bed. I do have school in the morning, although I don't have to run, and I don't have aerobics... I can just ... sleep in ... and maybe do some homework... and maybe... sleep in... :)

Another Lost Call

Russ called again today, this time my phone rang, but because I didn't think he was going to call again, I didn't have my phone with me. So I didn't answer it. I got kind of bummed about it. Now my phone is living with me. Never out of my sight. In case he calls. I love him so much, and I miss him a lot...

I really want to talk to him and tell him that... 

I miss him...

I miss him...

The Letter!!!

I got a letter from Russ today! I can't tell you how giddy I was to see his handwriting on a letter in the mail. I felt like I was in high school again, getting a note passed to me from my crush or something! Anyway, I thought I would just write the whole text of the letter here. Russ won't mind ;) I hope!

Hey Honey!

So I just found out that my basic won't even start until "the 5th." Thursday? That's when I'm supposed to go to basic. Until then I just hang around here in Reception going over paperwork and ... I don't know, once that's all done. I'll let you know when I know my projected graduation day.

Shoot! I just found out I have fire-watch tonight. - O.K. It's been a couple of days since I started this letter, and I've been on fireguard twice now. It's Sunday, and about 80% of my company (Bravo Company) just left for a ZZ-Top concert here on the base. The barracks are pretty quiet now.

Went to church today with 12 other privates - 3 or 4 of which came with cuase of a Lamanite-Nephite story I told them with Captain Moroni and his soldiers. It seems I might ship on Wednesday instead of Thursday, but like I said, I'll get a letter to you as quick as I can (Don't send any back to this address).

There's not much else to talk about now, since I'm just in Reception, waiting to go to basic. 

The Drill Seargant noticed me and private Ross (from Sweden) standing out of a (rated R) movie and inquired as to why. We explained the LDS take on violence, language, sex, etc, which the seargant thought was kind of strange, then, after a second of awkward silence, he said "Chronicles of Riddick it is," marched right into the auditorium and stopped the move (right in the middle) And to the moans and groans of about 400 privates whose movie had been so abruptly interrupted, he yelled, "Shut up! I don't like this movie. We're putting in a different one!"

I hope you are feeling well. Are you hanging out w/ Jessica a lot now? If so, tell her to speak only in Italian to Vince. By the way, how is he doing? Does he seem to notice my absence? When I am alone at night, I imagine him in my arms. That's where you both belong!

I love you so much! I talk about you guys all the time. Just remember if you miss me, to just talk to the 3rd member of our marriage: Heavenly Father.

Love,

Russ

So I have officially decided that I have the best husband in the world. He is the kind of guy you want to be with for eternity. The kind of guy who stands up for his beliefs, has a kind heart, loves his family, knows just what to say and when to say it, and I miss SOOO much!

I love him. I miss him. I can't wait to see him again. The temple this morning was just what I needed. I felt Heavenly Father's love for me so strongly. Like he's taking care of me - emotionally, spiritually, and in every other way.

I am so grateful for the gospel in my life and the hope and peace and comfort that I am able to have because of my testimony of the gospel. There is so much hope in the gospel! And there is so much love to be felt by Heavenly Father! I echo the words of Lehi, "I am encircled about eternally in the arms of His love"!

checking in

So there's not much to write about. School, homework, and playing with Vince. That's about all I'm doing these days. And waiting... for a letter from Russ. You can bet I'm going to pounce on that thing as soon as it comes. It will probably be framed in my bedroom. I keep checking the mailbox everyday... wishing and hoping...

I will definitely let you know when it comes. Until then, it's just the same old same old. Although Jessica is coming over on Saturday after we go to the temple. I'm so excited to go to the temple on Saturday. I think it is going to be exactly the refresher I need. And boy do I need a refresher...

the major screwup of the semester

Apparently BYU's financial system had a hiccup this past weekend. Weird, I know, for a financial system to have a hiccup. Anyway, what happened is that about 400 students were "awarded" PAST financial aid that they were never eligible for in the first place. Yeah. I know. Freaky.

So they sent out these messages to student accounts of these people saying "You were awarded a Pell Grant you weren't eligible for! Pay us back or we will come hunt you down!!" There is probably mass confusion and frustration right now at BYU. Yeah. It sucks. Good thing my husband isn't in school anymore, or I would have been completely confused. Okay, to be honest, I was completely confused... why is my husband getting a Pell Grant refund when he isn't even enrolled in classes? Yes - that is very strange. Anyway, so I gave them back their money - very hastily - once I realized what that extra $2030 was in my checking account.

What a very very very very bad problem to have. I hope too many people aren't in debt thousands of dollars now because BYU's financial system had a cold. Seriously... these kinds of things really should not happen.

back to the Y

And the first day of school comes to a close. It was actually really satisfying, even though both of my classes were in the same building - but it was the ESC, which is a pretty cool building. Tomorrow I have four classes in four different buildings. Now, some people may not think this is very out of the ordinary, but for the past year I have had 87.5% of my classes in the TMCB (that is an actual true percentage - I calculated it). This semester, I have only ONE of FIVE classes in the TMCB!! That's crazy! And it's my last math class. Weird. It's like the end is coming or something.

Now I'm going to watch videos of Russ with Vincente. Vince just came up to the computer and saw me on it and reached for the computer saying "A pai?" So I think that's a cue :)

holiday

So I have been thoroughly enjoying my holiday. I had breakfast with Jessica, which was fabulously fun. Then we went school shopping for her, then watched the new Transformers, which was hilarious and fun. Then she cooked us some yummy peppers, and then Vincente almost drove away with Christopher. He would have if I had let him. When I asked him if he wanted to come with me he shook his head. And then he started crying when I took him out of Christopher's car. Silly baby!

Anyway, then I went shopping with Chrystal and her boys. Which was super duper exciting and fun. And Mariposa was having a fabulous sale, so I bought a nice winter coat, a blazer jacket (way cute!) and three shirts for $34! Amazing, yes? Yes. And I bought myself a new skirt at Motherhood because I deserve it. You could say it was a day of emotional shopping. I don't usually shop for myself, because I usually go shopping with Russ, and it's hard for me to feel like buying stuff for myself when I'm with Russ. Sometimes you just need to go shopping with a girl. It's funny - when Russ and I were dating and engaged, he was super fun to shop with, but for some reason he's not as much fun to shop with anymore. Maybe it's because we haven't really had money to spend since then :)

So today has been completely wonderful. I'm staying distracted, which is good and healthy for me right now.

Speaking of which, it's almost time to eat food. And what better distraction than that!