Lightbulbs

I had an epiphany the other day. Let me catch you up on a few things, first.

Things have been crazy here. Sometimes good crazy, sometimes bad crazy. I feel like I’m always writing that on here – my life is crazy. Well, it is.

And I have been struggling a lot with feeling like I am doing a much as possible in the day. Most days I get to bedtime and I wonder where on earth the day went, and how on earth I didn’t get the laundry done, the dishes washed, and the bathrooms spotless. Because I stay home all day, and don’t have any obligations outside of my family, I feel like I should be able to be super mom at home – super spotless house, great meals cooked, clean laundry folded and put away, not to mention spending hours playing with my children, reading to them, and going places with them.

Well, here was my epiphany. There are not that many hours in a day, and when most of them are punctuated by unexpected messes, potty accidents, and children fighting, they seem to get used up a lot faster.

I have always tried not to have too high of expectations for a clean house and home cooked meals because two small, very high energy children (if you know my kids, you know what I mean – touch touch touch touch, fight fight fight, talk talk talk talk talk, sound effects sound effects sound effects… it never ends. Seriously) make doing all that very hard, and I don’t want to spend my children’s entire childhood cleaning the house. I’d rather play with them, and the other stuff can wait. Sure I can teach them to clean with me – but honestly, that doesn’t really get stuff any cleaner because they make a bigger mess than they fix. But like I said, I’d rather do things with them and have a little bit dirty house because “babies don’t keep.”

  Back to my epiphany (that was only part of it) – I went though in my head what my day looks like. I wake up around 5:30 or 6 (on good mornings – i.e., when Russ hasn’t kept me up all night watching TV shows or movies or talking), so that I can have a few hours (usually only one) to myself to prepare for the day – I usually spend this time reading the scriptures and writing on my scripture blog. Then the kids wake up and I feed them breakfast around 7:30 or 8. By 9am I have cleaned up breakfast, and have the kids dressed and ready for the day. Then around noon, we eat lunch, then we read together and I put the kids down for naps around 2pm. By the time Joseline wakes up (and Vincente, if he even napped) we eat dinner, and then it’s time for bed. So, If you look at things this way, the only time I have to do much of anything is in the morning, for about 3 hours. Sure I have nap time, and I do a few things, but I don’t really like to spend my kids’ down time doing things I could do when they are awake, like cleaning. I prefer to do things I can’t do when they are awake – like reading a good book, writing, or taking a quick nap, myself.

Sure, things will change as my children (and our family) grow, but right now this is how it is, and I think that if I can keep realistic expectations – that is, be okay with only having essentially 3 hours in the day to get things done, then I should be fine. In fact, the reason I’ve been doing so much better the past several days is because I have been okay with it, and I’ve been planning my days better to take advantage of those few hours. And I’m much happier.

When I am feeling down for not keeping the house spotless, my dad reminds me of this poem:

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

(“Song for a Fifth Child” by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton, Ladies’ Home Journal October 1985)

"Hello World"

I checked myself in to CHOMP  (Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula) at 7am Monday morning. I had been dilated to a 3 for most of March, and I was having contractions, but they weren't getting regular, and weren't really dilating my cervix. My original due date was March 13, but when I went in for my Dr's appointment the Tuesday after my due date, my Dr couldn't induce me, because CHOMP was completely full (I found out today that they didn't have a single empty room in the ENTIRE hospital. Crazy) So all inductions were being cancelled that day. 

So my Dr decided we would go by my "20 week ultrasound" due date of the 19th. He said if I didn't have the baby by myself by Monday, to check myself in at CHOMP by 7am. So, that's what I did.

Monday morning at 7am, Russ dropped me off at CHOMP on his way to the presidio for formation. Michelle Saavedra met me at the hospital (to be my coach while Russ went to his morning classes and took a test). My Dr came over around 8am to break my water. Since I was really hoping to go into labor spontaneously and naturally, the two of us made a deal - he would break my water and give me until 10am to make some progress. Well, he broke my water (took him a few tries - he says my amniotic sack was really full) around 8:30 am. Michelle and I walked the halls of the birthing center until about 9:30 am. The nurse had said to be back by 9:30, but I think we were a little early, since breaking my water did absolutely NOTHING to help start labor... no contractions, nothing. So I figured that we might as well just go back and get this thing started. 

The nurse hooked me up to pitocin at about 10:30 am. She increased the dose every half hour until noon, when she came back in to check me. When she started the pitocin (and when I had my water broken) I was dilated to a 4 (so I had made at least SOME progress since the last week), but only 30% effaced. Well, the pitocin was definitely doing its job. The contractions got stronger and stronger. For the most part, they weren't particularly painful. Just a lot of pressure, and some pain in my hips (I supposed from the pressure). Other than that, they were very edurable. However, once she had increased the dosage the second time, I was starting to think about what kind of drugs they could give me to help me get through the contractions. Of course, I didn't know how far dilated I was, so I wasn't sure exactly how much longer I would have to endure. My nurse finally checked me around noon, and I had only dilated one centimeter, but I was almost completely effaced.

At 5 centimeters, knowing the worst contractions were yet to come, I said "Bring on some drugs." It wasn't bad enough to want an epidural, and knowing that I only had 5 more centimeters to go (and knowing they wouldn't take TOO long), I just wanted something through my IV, to take the edge off. So I got some Fentanyl, which was a nice narcotic that made me relax really well (almost forgot about some of the less painful contractions), but only lasted about 30 minutes on me, and could only be administered every hour. Needless to say, I got a dose every hour, and luckily after the second dose, I was so used to relaxing on the drug that between doses wasn't too bad. 

Russ got there just before I asked for the drugs, and he was a great coach (once he stopped calling me a wimp - I think he didn't realize exactly how far advanced I was into labor by the time he got there. Heh... he thought I was still in the stage where you can laugh between contractions). I dilated to a 6 in the next hour (since I was getting pain killers every hour, they checked me every hour), and was completely effaced. This boosted my confidence, just as the contractions got harder. 6 to 8 wasn't too bad, and I made that in an hour. 8 to 10 was in just about the same amount of time, maybe a little longer, and it was HORRIBLE. That's when the "pushing" contractions started coming. Anyone who has had a baby knows what I'm talking about - those contractions when your body yells "PUSH!" and your nurse/doc/midwife says "Breath through it."

Anyway, by the time my Dr got there, I was dilated to a 10 and basically said, "Ready or not, here I push." As he walked in the door, I asked if it was him, and when it was, I was like, "I am pushing now, like it or not." I think my Dr might have actually said it was okay to push. I'm not sure whether or not he said I could, but I pushed with a contraction - not a very effective push - mostly it was my body doing what it had been WANTING to do for the last hour. My Dr started scrambling to get his gloves and booties and stuff on, the nurses were racing around to get the bed ready, and Joseline was crowning her little head into this world. When my Dr said "Give us one good push, and we'll have this baby." I seriously thought he was joking. But then I did it. One good push (and maybe a half a push after that) and out popped Joseline. It was a miracle.

There she was, after 2 hours of not so intense labor, 2 hours of intense labor, 1 hour of misery, and one good push. 

No perinial tears, no pushing for hours, no funky head shaped baby from pushing so hard, just a beautiful baby, and a mama with energy to spend loving her baby, instead of passing out as soon as she's born.

Some day I'll post Vincente's story and you'll be able to see the drastic difference between that labor and delivery, and this one.

So I did it - I did induced labor without an epidural. And it wasn't that bad. Okay, in all honesty, the last hour was really bad, but Russ was a great coach - he kept telling me to squeeze his hand instead of push when I wanted to push, and squeeze I did. I think I only pushed "on accident" three or four times. With Vince, I couldn't stop pushing, no matter how hard I tried.

Today (Tuesday) as we were being discharged, the nurse said to us "You guys make a great team!" It made my little heart swell. That's actually been something we've been struggling with in our marriage - being a good team, working together, and having unity in our marriage, instead of just two people living in the same house. So to hear someone say something like that was really really encouraging.

Joseline Marie Rowley says to the world "Hello, World!"

No Baby

I thought I would post so that everyone knows that I haven't had a baby yet (unfortunately) but that I'm drinking cinnamon and onion tea like it's - excuse me while I have a contraction - okay, anyway, I am doing everything in my power (short of being medically induced with pitocin... I'm trying to stay away from that drug like the plague... it makes for some nasty contractions, and since I'm not getting an epidural, I'd like for the contractions to be as manageable as possible) to have this baby.

This is the plan - I'm going to try to get into my Dr's office today. If I've changed at all from last week (i.e. I am dilated to a 4 or more) I will talk to him about options for inducing labor (breaking my water, etc). If I haven't changed... well... then I'll will be much less likely to want to be induced (that's when complications can start happening), even though that means more waiting... which I'm not excited for...

So, I've been having contractions this morning, but nothing too substantial. We'll see what happens, and I'll make sure to keep everyone posted. Ha ha, no blogger pun intended.

labor hormone addiction

So - in the course of the past few weeks as I've been having contractions, I've learned how to tell the difference between Braxton-Hicks contractions and the real ones that are actually doing something (no matter how small). Well, at least this is the difference for me -

Braxton-Hicks - my belly gets hard

Real, cervix-dilating, baby moving contractions - my belly gets hard and sends all sorts of crazy hormones through my entire body making me feel like I'm having Morphine shots again. Ooh, Morphine.

The nice thing about the real contractions - the fact that they feel like pain killers. Hopefully that means my body knows what it's doing this time, and when it gets time for more painful contractions, the natural pain killers my body is producing right now will do their job. Other than the fact that I get really distracted when I have a nice, good contraction (mostly due to the hormones clouding my thought processes), I actually really enjoy the feeling. Heh, I like the feel-good hormones. And at least it's natural. It's not like I'm addicted to Morphine or anything... just addicted to labor hormones. Is that a good thing? Hmm...

tick, tick, tick

3 Centimeters and counting! I think my OB has been stripping my membranes when he does the exam. Odd of him not to say anything about it, but since it's one of those things that may or may not do anything for you, I guess it's probably just something he does without even thinking.

I still want to go to the Relief Society thing on Friday... we'll see if I make it until then. I really REALLY want to go. Enough that I don't mind being pregnant for another week! It's not all that bad. Just uncomfortable and I can't eat as much as I want to, and I can't sleep as well as I'd like to (not that THAT will change after the baby is born... that part will probably be worse), and moving around is a pain - not painful, just ... awkward. 

And the Bomb Keeps Ticking

On Sunday evening I started feeling some major intense contractions. They weren't painful at all. Mostly felt like I was flexing my stomach as hard as I could, except I wasn't doing anything. They weren't regular by any means, but it was exciting anyway! So on Tuesday I went to my OB appt and he said I was almost dilated to a 2. I went home excited that I had gotten so far without feeling anything (if anyone remembers, I felt every contraction from a 0 to a 10 with Vincente. Mostly I was feeling back labor... very very painful). Anyway, Tuesday after my OB appt, I kept having the irregular, very intense contractions all day. They got so intense that I would kind of space out during some of them. Heh, at one point we got home from WalMart and Russ asked me where the house keys were and it took me over a minute to think about it and tell him where they were. Then about 20 minutes later, in between contractions, he asked where is backpack was, and since I was fully functional, I told him right away where it was. The loopiness is a weird feeling.

Anyway, so that went on until Tuesday evening (last night) when we started playing Wii Bowling. I had a few contractions, but eventually they went away, and I didn't feel any contractions at all, all night (and I know because I woke up two or three times to go pee and once to take some Tylenol for my sinus headache). So I haven't been feeling any more contractions, which is kind of sad, but whatever. None of these contractions have been painful, so that has been nice. Well, some have been a little uncomfortable, but nothing like my labor with Vince. 

Now I am back to waiting. Oh, and I lied about not have any more contractions, when I got up this morning and started moving around I had a few, and just now I had one. Not as intense as they were yesterday, but at least they are coming again. Yay contractions! I never thought I would be sooooo excited to have contractions :D 

I'm pretty sure this baby is going to come by the end of the week. It only took me about 6 days to get from a 2 to a 10 with Vincente. I'm expecting this baby will come just as fast, if not faster. But we'll see. Maybe I'll just keep having these crazy contractions for two more weeks. Alas. 

Wish me luck!