Tugga Tugga Stop Stop–or Twinkle A

Thanks to a generous donation from Grandma Pam and Grandpa Victor (in the form of an old student violin I played on in high school) we were able to buy a violin for Vincente for Christmas! Mom and Dad’s donation covered half of it and we were able to pay off the last half with part of our tax return.

Vincente started violin lessons in March with Elizabeth Burton, one of the best Suzuki violin teachers in Utah. She is so great with Vincente and he loves going to violin lessons. We’re working on focus and obedience – but those are normal things you work on with a five year old. What I love most about his teacher is that she understands that and is so patient with my very creative, very active little genius.

Just look at that kid!

If you missed it before, here is his performance at his very first recital! He enjoys the group class, even though it’s all girls and he doesn’t want to sit next to them in group lesson (they have cooties). I’m sure he’ll reverse his opinion about that all too soon, so I’ll let him think they have cooties for as long as he likes.

Flight of the Dragon

One of my goals as a mother is to provide my kids with high quality toys that encourage independent pretend play. (that is, the kids can have fun without me directing their play).

Vincente loves dress up, and when we lived with my parents in Arkansas for a summer his favorite dress up costume included fairy wings. I had mentioned that I wanted to make him some dragon wings, but I never really got around to it.

Well, my entire immediate family came to Utah for Christmas 2011, so my mom was here to help me put together some dragon wings. Due to all the festivities (and craziness!) of having 15 people and 5 dogs in our house almost all the time, the dragon wings got postponed until Christmas Eve. I was up until about 4am working on the dragon wings, and my mom was up with me working on a gift for my sister.

They are now one of the favorite costumes in the dress up box -

The kids’ favorite thing to do when they were dressing up was having Grandma Pam play “dragon music” and then Vince would chase them around. Then they would say “Play princess music!” Grandma would happily oblige, and the little girls (there were three of them!) would spin happily around the living room. Then there was “bunny music” and “pirate music”. They are so lucky to have such an amazingly talented grandma! Now she just needs to record a CD for them so they have have her “dragon music” and “princess music” even when she’s 2000 miles away.

I Love to See the Temple

This year the Primary is singing “I Love to See the Temple” for the Sacrament Meeting Program.

Vincente didn’t like to sit with his class in Primary. He much preferred to sit with me at the piano (I am the Primary pianist in our Portuguese ward). So one Sunday as I was playing “I Love to See the Temple,” I looked down to see Vincente taking everything out of my bags and stacking things up. I asked him what on earth he was doing.

“I’m building a temple!”

Look – Lightening McQueen is even going to the temple!

Happy Hump Day

Is it Wednesday already? I am so ready for the weekend – probably because it is General Conference weekend.

I hope that I didn’t offend anyone with my breastfeeding post. I was just feeling kind of strongly about it at the moment.

I dreamt last night that I gave birth to a little baby boy who weighed about 7.5 lbs. He was beautiful, and I breast fed him. And Christy (my sister) was there with me at the birth instead of Russ. And I didn’t even have to push him out. Ha ha ha. That was probably the part that gave it away as a dream!

Not sure if it means anything (I am not pregnant – and not trying to be pregnant). Just thought I’d share. It was kind of a crazy dream. And at first he wasn’t crying (he was doing that silent cry that really really made babies do) but then he suddenly started crying, and that’s when I woke up (around 1:30 a.m.) to hear Joseline screaming in her room.

So we spent nearly the entire night trying to calm a freaked out two-year-old. Several prayers, songs, water bottles, and snuggles later, she was asleep. But I think she’s going to need a serious nap.

Reverent Reflections

Last night after dinner I was playing an iTunes mix – just a bunch of random stuff, 99 Luftballons, Dust in the Wind, Brand New Shoes, Falling Even More in Love With You, Letting the Cables Sleep, You and Me, Piano Man, The Times They Are A-Changin’, This Side, She’s Got a Way, and the last one we danced to – Dacing’ In the Moonlight.

Of course, my precious kids started dancing, and I snapped some video clips of the joyful, carefree moment. It was beautiful. And I thought of how much I love my children, and I how glad I am to have them.

A memory came to me of watching home videos with my family in Seattle after my brother passed away. I remember watching him as a little three year old, singing songs into the microphone – carefree and joyful. I watched as he played with his little baby brother, Wayne, and as he opened presents on Christmas morning, and as he rode his bike up and down the streets.

I couldn’t help but think about my parents being in this exact same situation, 20 something years ago. Watching their babies play and dance – catching it on tape because it was so precious.

Then it hit me – the pain my parents must have felt as they watched their son slip away. How they must have felt as they recorded those moments years and years ago – never knowing, never even anticipating that their oldest son would precede them in death.

I cried as I realized that every moment with my children is fleeting. Any moment they could be taken from me. God’s will is bigger than me, and I can’t stop Him from taking them from me, if He wants them. For a moment it was scary – in fact, it was downright frightening. Especially because the one person who would understand what I was seeing as our children danced is not available for shoulder-offering. I know he would offer his shoulder, if he were here. And we would probably sob together.

So I danced with them.

I twirled and spun and leaped and sang and kissed my babies and hugged them because for all I know, they may not even wake up tomorrow. Of course, I hope they will, and I don’t imagine they won’t.

But what if they don’t, and I didn’t dance with them? I would regret for the rest of my life not dancing with them last night.

Every moment I have with them is so precious, so fleeting, so sweet and special to me.

Then comfort. Comfort because I know that even if they are taken from me – even if Heavenly Father calls them home – because I made covenants with Him, I can have them again when I leave this world.

I feel so blessed to have the knowledge I have of eternal families. Nothing could make me feel more right – more safe – more comforted.

As I danced and held those sweet babies, I felt the Spirit testify of that truth.

And the pain went away,
and all that was left was peace.

My Bags are Packed

Ross Richard Werner passed away Saturday, August 14, 2010 in the presence of his wife Jane, father, sister Christy, brother-in-law Adam, and other friends and family. His passing leaves a very large hole in my heart, and I am aching with the desire to say more, do more, and be more to and for him.

I am actually writing this on Friday, August 6, 2010.

Two weeks before it will post.

I’m not ready to face what is coming, and so... like anyone else, I’m denying it will happen, and pretending it won’t, until it’s too late.

Yesterday we talked with my oldest brother, Ross, on Skype.

He beat brain tumors and swelling from a fall, and is getting stronger every day in rehab.

Meanwhile, the tumors in his chest are growing and growing.

The doctors have given him a timeline – weeks, maybe a few months.

Probably more like weeks.

They gave him a choice to do some more chemo, but it won’t help, they say.

 

So, I’ve booked a flight to Seattle to see my brother. Probably for the last time.

I would like to tell you my story about my brother.

 

Ross

from my perspective

Growing up, I loved my brother. I wanted to be just like him. I wanted his stuff. I wanted his friends. I wanted his talents (he is so talented!). In fact, when I started junior high – I wanted to even dress just like him. Big baggy pants and big baggy shirts (what was I thinking? I got a little smarter the next year, and realized that I could be like my brother without sacrificing fashion).

Ross played the violin. Really well. I wanted to play the violin just as well as him. So I practiced every day until my fingers were raw. I even tried to get into the BYU Music School. No one made me love music more than Ross (except maybe my mother – but he got it from her, too). Ross played the piano. Really well. I wanted to play the piano really well, too. I didn’t practice all the time. Piano and I have never really gotten along, as far as practicing-to-get-good goes. But I do enjoy playing. Then Ross learned how to play the guitar and got good. I wanted to play the guitar, too. So I practiced every now and then.

Ross was great with computers. He even taught me about RAM once when I was in high school, or maybe college. He showed me how to install new RAM in a computer. I developed a new level of admiration for my brother. He is so smart! My interest in computers at all is because of Ross. I wanted to learn some programming languages. I wanted to learn how to build my own websites. I wanted to learn how to fix computers and mess with them and stuff. I even wanted to learn how to use Linux (which I did, sort of, for a while... but then I got lazy... er, had kids).

Ross loves to read. He loves music. He loves to learn. He loves to play games (my love of European board games? From Ross). My love of reading? Ross. My intense desire to Google anything that I don’t understand? Ross.

Probably the only things Ross didn’t inspire me to do is read my scriptures, pray regularly, run, and eat healthy. That was Janie (his wife).

I hold him on this pedestal (and Janie goes right beside him on it). And I don’t think he knows that. Really, all I want to be I want to be because of my brother. Because he is such a great example of hard work, honesty, learning, knowledge, having fun, and being a good person.

I plan on telling him all these things (and more) when I get to see him in person.

I hope it doesn’t sound too cliché – making amends with him as he’s dying. I would have said these things before, but I never knew the right words to say, and I worried that he wouldn’t want to hear it. But now it doesn’t matter if he wants to hear it. There are no bridges to be burned. There won’t be another chance. If I want him to hear it, I need to tell him now.

That is my story about how much I love my brother.

Monday Musings -- “Os pequeninos deixai vir a mim”

“Pois, é teu Pai e muito te-ama”

This is a line from the Portuguese translation of the song, “My Heavenly Father Loves Me” from the LDS Children’s Songbook,

(in English)

(em Português)

I have always loved this song – in English, of course – and it was one of the first songs from the Children’s Songbook that I learned to play. When we made the decision to raise our children bilingual, we realized that we were going to need the resources to teach them the gospel both in English and in Portuguese. So we bought scriptures (including the Book of Mormon stories, and recently the Old Testament stories), manuals, and the Children’s Songbook (and CDs!) in Portuguese. We read the scriptures as a family in Portuguese, and we have family home evening, and family prayer, and sing songs as a family all in Portuguese.

I absolutely love the Children’s Songs. I was raised to have a deep love for music, and for the gospel, and the music in the Children’s Songbook are just ingrained in me! They come to mind all the time when I am studying the principles of the gospel. They are a perfect simple introduction to the gospel, and the music is so sweet and beautiful, I just feel warm all over when I play and sing these songs.

When music is translated into another language, the basic underlying meaning of the music is preserved (as much as possible), but the words and expressions can be vastly different.

For example, this words of this song (My Heavenly Father Loves Me) read:

Pray, He is there, Speak, He is listening,

You are His child, His love now surrounds you.

He hears your prayers, He loves the children.

Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of Heaven.

Whereas the Portuguese translation reads:

Sim, perto está. Sim, Ele te ovre.

(Yes, He is near. Yes, He is listening to you).

Pois, é teu Pai e muito te-ama

(For he is your Father and he loves you very much.)

Com terno amor, ama as crianças,

(With tender love, He loves the children)

Pois delas é o reino, o reino do céu.

(For such is the kingdom, the kingdom of Heaven)

I think the Portuguese expression is much more beautiful than the English translation that I just wrote there, but I just love that the words in the Portuguese translation say “He loves you very much.” The words “His love now surrounds you” are very poetic and beautiful – but I am a fan of simple and direct. You can’t get more simple than “He loves you very much.” This is the testimony that I have – that Heavenly Father loves me very much and it is the testimony I want to share with everyone, especially my own children: é muito te-ama.

Please let that piece of truth touch your heart. Because it is true:

é muito te-ama.

(if you’re wondering – I use Windows Live Writer to write my blog,

and downloaded this MP3 Player Plugin for Writer to embed the mp3’s in this post)