twice

I don't know why I'm posting again today. Maybe because I'm feeling a little better? I got to take a nap. It was the best. And I got to donate my BYU ticket to my very good friend and her hubby, who also ended up being able to get a ticket, and they got to go to a BYU football game. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I love friends, especially the ones who have you over and watch your kid and feed you food all the time when you're missing your SOS.

I think really the only reason I'm writing again today is because I have to stay up to do laundry. Instead of doing my laundry this morning like a relatively sane person (and without Russ, I only have to do two small loads each week! It's amazing!) I waited, because I was lazy (and tired, and hurting... you get the picture) and then my MIL had to do her laundry (and I guess that's only fair, since Saturday isn't technically my laundry day ... I get the afternoons during the week ... plus, it is her washing machine and dryer, so I really can't complain, especially since we're completely mooching off them anyway!) by the time I decided to do my laundry. So now I am up doing laundry. I would just wait until Monday, but all of Vincente's Sunday clothes need washing. His shirt, his jacket, his pants. Pretty much the only things that stay clean on Sunday are his tie and his belt (he has multiple pairs of Sunday socks, so those don't count). It probably has something to do with this weird idea I have that we should stay dressed in our Sunday clothes the whole Sabbath. I think it's more a personal thing for me. If I stay dressed up, I'm more likely to remember Whose day it really is, and keep it holy. If I get in comfy clothes, then I feel like the day is for me to cuddle on the couch and watch a good movie. Unless the movie is The Testaments or Legacy, that doesn't really fit my idea of worshipping the Lord. I won't say I'm the perfect image of keeping the Sabbath day holy, but I do like to try. I like to dedicate all my time on the Sabbath to serving the Lord. Some activities I like to do (once I'm done with Church and choir practice) are playing hymns (on the piano or violin), studying conference talks or BYU devotionals, working on Family History research, reading the scriptures, or watching Church videos with Vincente. We like watching the Living Scriptures videos, even though we only own one. I know they aren't 100% accurate all the time, but they are pretty close, and they are really good for Vincente to watch, when he wants a show on Sundays. I'd rather him watch that than commercial television. 

Anyway, the point is, I am awake doing laundry... sucks to be me, I know. Eventually I will go to sleep (probably as soon as I get the whites in the dryer and the other load in the washer... if I put the other load in the dryer as soon as I wake up, it will be ready just in time to head out the door!)

And... nursery for Vincente tomorrow!! I'll have to remember to scamper over after RS a little faster. We went over last week, and then I lollygagged for a minute before I realized that Vincente wasn't just hanging out with Russ!

Oh yes, and the best part about tomorrow (hopefully) - a PHONE CALL from RUSSELLHEAD! You will most definitely know if I do or don't get the call. If the title for tomorrow's post is in all caps, you'll know I got one. If it's only one or two words, all lower-case, and with the words "lonliness" in the heading... well, you'll know I didn't get the call, or I missed the call.

But here's to hoping I get a call tomorrow :)

stone eggs

The loneliness bird is laying stone eggs in my heart again. 

I only got one letter from Russ this week, and he wrote it before I talked to him on Sunday, so it didn't really have anything new in it. Maybe I should read all his letters again... it may help aleiviate some of the heavy-heart feelings I have right now. I just miss him a lot, and right now with all the stress of dealing with car insurance, doctors, etc and trying to keep up with school, I am just so tired all the time. It doesn't help that being pregnant makes it hard to sleep at night (super bad congestion) and hard to eat in the morning (nausea...). I would say life is horrible right now, but it's actually pretty good, and I can see a lot of blessings in my life. I am just really tired, and I don't like feeling tired. I probably just need a good nap. That's also something hard to get because I'm playing "single mom" right now. So if Vincente needs something, I am the one who has to take care of him. And if he wakes up early, there's no one else to tend him while I sleep in for a little bit. And if I just need a few minutes of shut eye in the afternoon, it has to be while he's napping (which also happens to be the best time to get things done that take a little more concentration). I do not envy the job of a single mom, and I admire every last one of them. It's a hard job, and I live with my in-laws, so I do get help sometimes, when they aren't all busy. But I wouldn't want this to go on much longer than it has to.

Good thing I have so many happy good things going for me. And good thing I love my little Vince so much that it is totally worth it.

it's wonderful

The insurance finally accepted liability for the car accident! They called the repair place (where my car has been sitting for over a week!) and are going to get the ball rolling. Hopefully I'll have my car appraised and a check waiting for me within the week! Hoorah! There are still a million things to call. Just when I think it's getting easy... I still have to get my back taken care of, bill my insurance for Vincente's pediatrician check up, look for a car, call the bank, get my car appraised (on my own... to make sure I don't get screwed over), and all the while go to school and stay on top of my homework. This is going to be a crazy weekend!!!

On another note, I'm sending Russ a birthday package tomrrow! I hope he gets to play with all the fun birthday party things I'm sending him! It's hard to know what to send him, because he hasn't told me what he has. I'm sending stamps,

 because you can never have too many stamps. 

Oh yes, and my class ring came today!! Hooray class ring!! It is beautiful. Russ' will come soon, I think. We're going to be officially a graduated family. What a wonderful thing. It's been a long time coming. 

I was thinking yesterday how good I feel about myself, that I was able to get married and start a family, all while continuing my education. It was really hard sometimes, but as the season of my formal education draws to a close, I look back and think about what an awesome experience it was for me, for Russ, and for Vincente. The fact that I finished my degree will tell my children something. It will show them that their mom is strong, and finishes what she starts. They will know that education is important to me. I want my children to be blessed by education, and what a better way to teach them the importance of education than by working for it myself. For any of you who want to finish your school - do it! It may be hard for a little while, but the payoff in the end will be SO worth it! Even if you never use your degree formally in a career - just the character you build by perservering will be a  benefit. I can't remember who said it, but someone has said that children will never recover from the ignorance of their mothers.

Hats off to all you mothers out there who persue your educational goals, whether they be formal or informal. Your children will be blessed for it!

No Child Left Behind?

I am writing a research paper for my English class. It's more of an issues paper, and I am going to talk about education law and federal vs. state power when it comes to education. Whose responsibility is it? How have both branches (federal and state) been attempting to equalize the quality of education? How have they succeeded? How have they fallen short? What are some things each could do differently? What are some alternative solutions? 

So that's pretty much it. It's going to be some hefty research, and I want to find some good statistics - high school dropout rates, ACT scores, AP courses taken, AP exams taken, reading levels, etc etc - and compare schools before NCLB, and after NCLB, and analyze pretty much that entire law (NCLB). I downloaded the entire text from the US Department of Education. It's going to be a nice long read... probably potty reading ;) Heh, just kidding. 

If you have any opinions, please feel free to leave them here, or email me. I'm trying to collect as many different viewpoints as possible. 

Wish me luck!

good things

I just decided that I really like reading people's blogs. Especially people I like :) Of course, I wouldn't read your blog if I didn't like you! 

Things here are going along great - school is getting back together. The car accident just made things really crappy for a while. (excuse my french) I'm starting to get a little belly, which is actually kind of weird, because when I was weighed on Thursday after the car accident (to make sure Baby #2 was okay) I hadn't actually gained any weight since my last appointment 4 weeks ago... But here comes trimester 2, and if I remember correctly, that's when the weight gain was the worst... or best. But this time I'm staying fit, running, doing step aerobics, and don't forget chasing around an inexhaustable toddler. Plus going to school, and the fact that all of my classes are in different buildings, and usually on opposite ends of campus from each other. Which leads to me huffing and puffing my way across campus. It's weird, I'm not even big yet and I already feel awkward. 

And this car accident has taken a lot out of my health. The odd part about it is that I wasn't really hurt. But the stress is making me sick, exhausted, and feeling icky. Thankfully I have Heavenly Father to rely on. That's the only thing that can make these things better, anyway. He's protected us, blessed us, and led our lives... now I just need to ask Him for more. It always seems like I'm being selfish, or asking for too much, but the thing is, Heavenly Father wants to bless us more than He is blessing us. He wants us to ask for it, and He wants us to keep our promises to Him. It's amazing how He can sustain me and lift me up when I'm tired and I don't think I can go on.

I'm just feeling really grateful since the car accident. And since we found out that we will get a separation allowance, we'll be able to get out of debt even faster! Which means that we'll get to save more faster! Which means Heavenly Father is blessing us more than we know how to thank Him for. 

I really feel like angels were with us in that car accident. I really feel that Heavenly Father wanted us to know how watched over we are. I think He wanted me to know without a doubt that He is with us while Russ is gone, and even when Russ is here, but especially right now when we need Him the most, He is hear watching us, paying special attention to us. And I feel completely grateful for it.

private access only

This blog is going private. If you are a regular reader of my blog (and I don't know it) send me an email, or message me on facebook, or whatever. We'll probably go private around the end of September or the beginning of October.

Anyway, if you are family, don't worry about getting an invite - you'll automatically get one. Other than that, you'll have to let me know you're interested in our life :)

BAH

Just kidding about BAH - I just looked at our MyPay account... and our check for September has already posted... weird because supposedly you get paid on the 1st and 15th of each month (or just the 1st)... but we're getting paid on the 19th... I am officially confused with military pay schedules. I always have been, but I thought it was just because Russ was only drilling. Now that he is full-time military... I am still confused, so I guess that makes me officially confused. Anyway, regardless of confusion, we get our BAH. The whole thing. Fabulous. And we get a separation allowance, which I wasn't expecting - which is super great! Any extra money is always a nice thing. So, onward and upward out of debt, and hooray for getting a new car!

A PHONE CALL!!

At last - I answered the phone at the right time! Russ called today (in choir practice, in the middle of me directing our piece we're learning for October). I answered the phone and got to talk to him for probably about 30-45 minutes. It was fabulous. Very refreshing, very needed. I told him about the car accident. I didn't tell him that we rolled, but I told him that it wasn't our fault and that our car was totaled, so we would be getting a new car. I think he was okay about it. Anyway, we talked for a while, Vincente said "Hi" but mostly just enjoyed playing with the phone. I don't think he realized that it was Pai on the other end. But I know Vince misses Russ a lot, because he always asks to watch the videos Russ made for him. Well, Russ gave me a little bit of disturbing news about our BAH - that we may not get it, because we're living with his parents. Well, we're living with his parents for two reasons, 1.) to have childcare while I go to school, and 2.) to save money while Russ is gone. So basically, to save us money. But the problem is, if Russ doesn't get the BAH, then we're making LESS money that we were before he joined the military. And we thought we would at least be making the same amount of money. So it ends up that we're going to be making LESS money than we would if we were renting our own place and having Russ work the same job he had. Yes, that's right... it's COSTING us to live free at my in laws... not because they're charging us anything... but because the military said we'd get the BAH, and we may not. So anyway, we'll find out for sure in October when Russ gets his first check. 

Meanwhile, in other news - Vincente went to nursery today!! It was the most fulfilling Sunday I have ever had, and I think Vince thoroughly enjoyed himself as well. Of course he loves playing and snacks, but I think just being in nursery he feels like he belongs somewhere. 

He made this paper-bag gingerbread man today in nursery. It was so cute. When he walked out of nursery he handed it to me, gabbing about stuff. When I picked him up he snuggled me hard core. 

Poor little guy was pooped. So much fun in nursery! He usually naps during church, but no more, now that he has nursery. Which means he'll take EXCELLENT naps after church!! It's going to be great. I'm really excited that he did so well today. I checked up on him between Sunday School and Relief Society, and he looked content as can be. The nursery leaders said he was fine and hadn't even made a peep. What an angel. Boy do I love that little kid. I missed him a little... but not enough to wish he was back in meetings with me! Sacrament meeting is enough! But he's an angel during that, so I can't complain. He's such a good, obedient kid. I just know my next one is going to be a challenge! Well, I hope I get all sweet-tempered, beautiful children. All my children will be beautiful... but the sweet tempered I worry about. If they're anything like me, things could get hairy!

Well, we're recovering from the accident. I'm going to pick up the police report tomorrow after school and fax it to the insurance company. Then hopefully we'll get this ball rolling and I'll be able to get a new car before too long. I'm looking at a Highlander or a Pilot. More room, but still pretty good gas mileage. I'd like a 4-cylinder with the extra seat, but we'll see if I can be that picky. I might just have to go for a V6 with the extra seat... that's just worse fuel economy than I'm really willing to sacrifice for the extra room...

We'll see.

crash

I picked up Vincente from the dentist's office today after school because he had to be there with my MIL while she waited for her 12 year old son to have his dentist visit. Then I was going to get home and wait for the two younger boys to get home from school, and if it was raining, I was going to go pick up the kindergartener from school so he wouldn't have to ride home in the rain.

I got Vince all buckled in the car seat. He was in his usually good mood, and played with me on the ride home, covering his face with his snuggle and playing peek-a-boo. Anyway, we started driving down the hill from Spanish Fork into Salem. The speed limit is reduced from 55 mph to 40 mph, and because people often "forget," the police dept puts up their little "friendly reminder" speed detector just past the new speed limit sign. They don't know this, but their speed detector is two mph slow. I can be going 42 and it thinks I'm going 40! But that's okay, because I go by my spedometer anyway. So I was watching my speed drop from 50 to 40 (well, from 48 to 38) on the speed detector, amused that my speed was two mph faster than it said it was.

Just past the speed detector, I turned around for a second to smile at Vincente - for just about as long as you look over your shoulder to do a shoulder check before changing lanes. When I turned back around, there it was. A yellowish gold car. Running into me. My first thought was "Oh crap! Maybe I swerved out of my lane!" My second thought was "I've been hit!" My third thought was "This airbag is yellow, my old one was white." My fourth thought was "Okay... I just got hit... oh crap... we're tipping over." As we rolled, my mind was flashing images of cars rolling over and bodies being flung out of the cars, bloody foreheads, broken legs... all sorts of scary things. Then when the car stopped rolling and was "safely" resting on the driver's side of the car, I looked back at Vincente and started screaming "My baby! My baby!" I struggled with my seatbelt for a second, then climbed over the driver's seat to the back driver's side door. Vincente was trapped in his carseat, screaming. I got him out of his harness, grabbed his snuggle, and held him close, telling him I had him and reassuring him that it was okay. His mouth was full of blood, but he seemed okay. Then I noticed people coming towards my car. They kept asking me "Are you okay? Is the baby okay? Are you the only people in the car?" but all I could do was scream "What happened? What happened? What happened?" Finally I asked "Was it my fault!?" Once the lady reassured me that it wasn't my fault, I handed Vincente to her and finished climbing out of my mangled car. I didn't 100% believe her, because her word wasn't the final say, but it was a little reassuring. 

Once we were out of the car, she got us to sit down on the side of the road. Vincente's emotions mirrored mine exactly. If I was hysterical, he was hysterical. If I could calm myself down, he was relatively calm, and kept pointing at the car and saying "Our car?" I think he was wondering why it was laying on its side. 

The EMT's looked us over, asked if we wanted to go to the hospital, and once we said no, they let us go home with my MIL and brother in law, Brady. They had come straight to the scene from the dentist's office. So Vincente and I escaped with abraisons from the seat belts and carseat, and Vince had a few little wounds on his tongue from biting it during the crash (that's what all the blood was from).

Besides being incredibly shaken up, not having a car, and not having a husband (ironically the only time I get in car accidents is when Russ is gone to military training...) we're doing alright. Kind of sore and banged up. I'm going to go to the Dr's office tomorrow to get the baby checked out. Vince looks fine, but if he starts acting weird at all, I'm taking him straight in to get checked. I could always take him in anyway, but it's too much of a hassle right now, and he really looks okay. Oh yes, and I have increased faith in my Evenflo Chase booster carseat. You hope you never really have to test the crash ratings for those things... but mine held up. They now come highly recommended by me :) I bought an Evenflo convertible carseat in the first place (the Evenflo Titan) because consumer reports gave it one of the best safety ratings. I figured if the convertible seat was so good, the booster carseats must be pretty good too. Turns out they are! :)

Anyway, if you ever need help installing your carseat correctly, let me know as well. I figure I must be a pro at it if my kid got out of a rolling car with only a bit tongue and some seatbelt burns. That's impressive!

While I was taking a jetted bath with Vince after the accident I kept thinking about why this might happen to me. I don't mean I was going around asking "Why me? Why me!?" I just like to see some kind of reason behind everything, because I believe that everything happens for a reason. I've been really feeling close to Heavenly Father lately, and I wasn't doing anything wrong or illegal or anything. So I thought about it, and then I thought about how we were relatively untouched during a really bad crash. I know guardian angels were looking out for us. And I honestly believe that there is more to it than this, but I think Heavenly Father wanted us to know that he is watching out for us, and that He will take care of us right now while Russ is away. It's like He's the Patriarch of our home while Russ is away. I feel very very blessed right now. 

a letter! and an address!

I finally got a letter from Russ with a useable return address!! So now I am probably going to send him a letter EVERY SINGLE DAY! I miss him soooo much, and it's unbearable not to be able to talk to him, so mailing him a letter every day will have to do. I hope he doesn't mind :) The other privates are going to wonder why he gets so much mail. It's because his wife loves him soooooo much and is absolutely lonely without him... and this will go on until DECEMBER! Ack!

But on an even BETTER note - he'll probably get to call EVERY Sunday! He didn't say that, and the Fort didn't say that, but they DID say that he gets to call home "frequently," and since they have religious services every Sunday, I'm betting he'll get to call around that time. Hooray!! I can't wait to talk to him again!!!! I'm going to sit right next to a cell tower the whole day, to make sure I have excellent reception. There is no way my phone is going to fail to ring. I am going to be listening for my phone like you've never seen someone listen for a phone... and as soon as it rings, I am going to pick it up and scream, "I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU YOU ARE MY FAVORITE HANDSOME MAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!" Okay, maybe not those exact words, and maybe not screaming... but definitely that amount of emotion, maybe more. Maybe I won't even be able to say anything I'll be crying so hard!! I miss him sooooooo much.

Sigh.

Well, I should go to bed. I do have school in the morning, although I don't have to run, and I don't have aerobics... I can just ... sleep in ... and maybe do some homework... and maybe... sleep in... :)

Another Lost Call

Russ called again today, this time my phone rang, but because I didn't think he was going to call again, I didn't have my phone with me. So I didn't answer it. I got kind of bummed about it. Now my phone is living with me. Never out of my sight. In case he calls. I love him so much, and I miss him a lot...

I really want to talk to him and tell him that... 

I miss him...

I miss him...

The Letter!!!

I got a letter from Russ today! I can't tell you how giddy I was to see his handwriting on a letter in the mail. I felt like I was in high school again, getting a note passed to me from my crush or something! Anyway, I thought I would just write the whole text of the letter here. Russ won't mind ;) I hope!

Hey Honey!

So I just found out that my basic won't even start until "the 5th." Thursday? That's when I'm supposed to go to basic. Until then I just hang around here in Reception going over paperwork and ... I don't know, once that's all done. I'll let you know when I know my projected graduation day.

Shoot! I just found out I have fire-watch tonight. - O.K. It's been a couple of days since I started this letter, and I've been on fireguard twice now. It's Sunday, and about 80% of my company (Bravo Company) just left for a ZZ-Top concert here on the base. The barracks are pretty quiet now.

Went to church today with 12 other privates - 3 or 4 of which came with cuase of a Lamanite-Nephite story I told them with Captain Moroni and his soldiers. It seems I might ship on Wednesday instead of Thursday, but like I said, I'll get a letter to you as quick as I can (Don't send any back to this address).

There's not much else to talk about now, since I'm just in Reception, waiting to go to basic. 

The Drill Seargant noticed me and private Ross (from Sweden) standing out of a (rated R) movie and inquired as to why. We explained the LDS take on violence, language, sex, etc, which the seargant thought was kind of strange, then, after a second of awkward silence, he said "Chronicles of Riddick it is," marched right into the auditorium and stopped the move (right in the middle) And to the moans and groans of about 400 privates whose movie had been so abruptly interrupted, he yelled, "Shut up! I don't like this movie. We're putting in a different one!"

I hope you are feeling well. Are you hanging out w/ Jessica a lot now? If so, tell her to speak only in Italian to Vince. By the way, how is he doing? Does he seem to notice my absence? When I am alone at night, I imagine him in my arms. That's where you both belong!

I love you so much! I talk about you guys all the time. Just remember if you miss me, to just talk to the 3rd member of our marriage: Heavenly Father.

Love,

Russ

So I have officially decided that I have the best husband in the world. He is the kind of guy you want to be with for eternity. The kind of guy who stands up for his beliefs, has a kind heart, loves his family, knows just what to say and when to say it, and I miss SOOO much!

I love him. I miss him. I can't wait to see him again. The temple this morning was just what I needed. I felt Heavenly Father's love for me so strongly. Like he's taking care of me - emotionally, spiritually, and in every other way.

I am so grateful for the gospel in my life and the hope and peace and comfort that I am able to have because of my testimony of the gospel. There is so much hope in the gospel! And there is so much love to be felt by Heavenly Father! I echo the words of Lehi, "I am encircled about eternally in the arms of His love"!

checking in

So there's not much to write about. School, homework, and playing with Vince. That's about all I'm doing these days. And waiting... for a letter from Russ. You can bet I'm going to pounce on that thing as soon as it comes. It will probably be framed in my bedroom. I keep checking the mailbox everyday... wishing and hoping...

I will definitely let you know when it comes. Until then, it's just the same old same old. Although Jessica is coming over on Saturday after we go to the temple. I'm so excited to go to the temple on Saturday. I think it is going to be exactly the refresher I need. And boy do I need a refresher...

the major screwup of the semester

Apparently BYU's financial system had a hiccup this past weekend. Weird, I know, for a financial system to have a hiccup. Anyway, what happened is that about 400 students were "awarded" PAST financial aid that they were never eligible for in the first place. Yeah. I know. Freaky.

So they sent out these messages to student accounts of these people saying "You were awarded a Pell Grant you weren't eligible for! Pay us back or we will come hunt you down!!" There is probably mass confusion and frustration right now at BYU. Yeah. It sucks. Good thing my husband isn't in school anymore, or I would have been completely confused. Okay, to be honest, I was completely confused... why is my husband getting a Pell Grant refund when he isn't even enrolled in classes? Yes - that is very strange. Anyway, so I gave them back their money - very hastily - once I realized what that extra $2030 was in my checking account.

What a very very very very bad problem to have. I hope too many people aren't in debt thousands of dollars now because BYU's financial system had a cold. Seriously... these kinds of things really should not happen.

back to the Y

And the first day of school comes to a close. It was actually really satisfying, even though both of my classes were in the same building - but it was the ESC, which is a pretty cool building. Tomorrow I have four classes in four different buildings. Now, some people may not think this is very out of the ordinary, but for the past year I have had 87.5% of my classes in the TMCB (that is an actual true percentage - I calculated it). This semester, I have only ONE of FIVE classes in the TMCB!! That's crazy! And it's my last math class. Weird. It's like the end is coming or something.

Now I'm going to watch videos of Russ with Vincente. Vince just came up to the computer and saw me on it and reached for the computer saying "A pai?" So I think that's a cue :)

holiday

So I have been thoroughly enjoying my holiday. I had breakfast with Jessica, which was fabulously fun. Then we went school shopping for her, then watched the new Transformers, which was hilarious and fun. Then she cooked us some yummy peppers, and then Vincente almost drove away with Christopher. He would have if I had let him. When I asked him if he wanted to come with me he shook his head. And then he started crying when I took him out of Christopher's car. Silly baby!

Anyway, then I went shopping with Chrystal and her boys. Which was super duper exciting and fun. And Mariposa was having a fabulous sale, so I bought a nice winter coat, a blazer jacket (way cute!) and three shirts for $34! Amazing, yes? Yes. And I bought myself a new skirt at Motherhood because I deserve it. You could say it was a day of emotional shopping. I don't usually shop for myself, because I usually go shopping with Russ, and it's hard for me to feel like buying stuff for myself when I'm with Russ. Sometimes you just need to go shopping with a girl. It's funny - when Russ and I were dating and engaged, he was super fun to shop with, but for some reason he's not as much fun to shop with anymore. Maybe it's because we haven't really had money to spend since then :)

So today has been completely wonderful. I'm staying distracted, which is good and healthy for me right now.

Speaking of which, it's almost time to eat food. And what better distraction than that!

I hate phones

So, apparently Russ called again on Thursday. It was "the" phone call they get. And my phone never even rang. It didn't register a missed call... nothing... just... a message. While that is all wonderful, I had my phone next to me the ENTIRE day, knowing that he would probably call... and then my phone malfunctions or the cell phone towers are busted or whatever. I should have had him call his parent's land line. But I can't remember if I was out or not. I know that Vincente and I took a long nap Thursday afternoon, because we slept through playgroup. We did a lot of shopping earlier that day, so I can't imagine that we were gone anywhere in the evening.

So I am now very very depressed. The only thing that was keeping me going this weekend was the thought that he would call sometime this week. And now I don't even have that. Now I have nothing until he sends a letter, because he didn't even have a mailing address. Maybe I'll just send something to the fort addressed to him and hope it gets to him. I miss him sooo much and I really need to have some form of communication or things will get really bad.

If I disappear from the face of the planet for the next 48 hours, don't send the search parties. Unless I don't show up for school on Tuesday... then start looking.

phone calls

Okay, so you know you're pathetically aching for a person when you use their phone to call your phone (so you can find your phone) and then when you finally find your phone, you see that you've missed calls from that person, and your heart jumps... then you remember that it was really just you calling yourself... and you feel really stupid.

On a lighter note, I have talked to Russ about three times since he's been gone, and since he's only been gone since Monday night, I'd say that's pretty good! The phone call on Thursday morning was definitely sorely needed. He had to call to ask some questions about his top secret security clearance background check thing. That's right. My husband is going to have top secret security clearance. Actually, knowing that makes me a little more afraid for him serving in the military. I mean, the people in the most danger in times of war are the infantry men, the guys holding the guns on the front lines and actually killing people. But next to that, and even in times of "peace" - the guys with the top secret knowledge - those are the ones whose names are probably top on the hit lists. Now, Russ is just a grunt, so it's not like he's going to know some crazy official confidential government secrets... but just the same... it makes me more nervous.

But he's going to love his military job - I just know it. It's totally him - learning languages, talking to people from all over the world and traveling all over the world. It just suits him perfectly. And I don't mind the military-wife life. In fact, it's something I always expected that I would do. I knew that if I married the kind of man I wanted to marry, he would probably either be in the military, or end up serving at some point in our marriage. We'll see how much I like it if he ever gets deployed to Iraq :-{

wee hours

Maybe my body is just used to getting 5 hours of sleep instead of 8. That compounded with the fact that I'm just finishing my first trimester, so I'm going from the stage where I can't eat anything substantial or I'll puke, to the stage where I have to be constantly stuffing my face with whatever I can get my hands on. So I keep waking up at 3:45 (and yes... it is about 3:45 every morning... not 3:30, not 4:00... 3:45) with my nose stuffed beyond breathability, my bladder so full I feel like I might explode, and my stomach growling obscenities at me. Yes. That is second trimester bliss. I am soooo excited...

Anyway, this morning it worked out okay, because I'm leaving around 5:20 to go to a step aerobics class with my MIL. I've worked it out now so I'll go to step on Mondays and Fridays, run Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and go for an evening walk with my neighbor on Wednesday evenings. So I've got my life pretty active. Hopefully it also helps me distract myself from the fact that my sweet husband is gone for a few months. I got to talk to him yesterday morning, so that makes three time since he left Monday night. That's pretty good, if you ask me! It's been keeping me sane. I can't wait to get letters. Just the anticipation of knowing that eventually there will be something in the mailbox for you makes the missing someone more bearable.

the loneliness bird

"Deep inside me the loneliness bird laid a large stone egg."

 - The Power of One

I'm really missing Russ. It hits me the hardest when I'm alone... so I try not to be alone. I try to just stay around Vincente and the rest of the huge Rowley clan whenever I can. Then I get distracted and I can't think about it too much.

But when I'm hanging out by myself... that's when it starts getting to me.

I think I was starting to get really used to Russ... and now that he's gone, I realize what I had all that time. Sometimes you take for granted what is right in front of you... and once it's gone, you realize what you would do to keep it there forever. Good thing this BCT thing is only a few months. Of course, then it's on to MORE training... *sigh* I'm just anxious for the day when we get to live in the same house again. Which actually won't be until the spring... that's a looong time!! :( I miss my Russell-head...

going solo

So Russ is officially Active Duty and off to Basic Training. I'm starting to feel lonely a little bit, but it's not too bad, yet. I'm keeping myself distracted, and Vincente is keeping me company. I've been collecting syllabi for my classes this semester so I can go buy books and start on homework a week early. I know... lame-0 me. But I might as well... this semester is going to be the hardest ever. It is the last, though, so hopefully I can make it to the end.

We found out that Russ is going to AIT right after Basic Training, so that means this baby is going to have to be born on a weekend. Since my due date is a weekend, I'm thinking that I can just be induced on my due date (hopefully I don't go earlier!). I'm not sure they would let him take time off training in order to see his baby born. It's important for us that he is there for the birth, so induction is starting to sound like a good idea. I had to be on Pitocin for Vincente's delivery, so I already know that my body responds well to the drug. It's not incredibly dangerous or risking, especially if I get induced on or after my due date. I'm pretty sure of my due date, since we were trying to get pregnant for a few months before it actually happened. I was keeping track of dates :) Anyway, I've been talking to my friend, another Becca, who had to be induced with her first. She did it without an epidural or any other drugs at all (besides the GBS anti-biotic). Of course, she didn't feel any of the contractions except during transition. I was in (hard) labor for six days with Vincente, and I took it without an epidural. I won't say it was pleasant, or that I would EVER want to do it again, but I think if I can take hard contractions that long, I should be able to take the Pitocin induced contractions for a while. Not to mention that I had to sit through about an hour of REALLY strong Pitocin induced contractions before I delivered Vincente... that was probably the worst thing I have ever had to endure. Anyway, so I'm feeling more and more confident about that possibility. I've found a CNM in Sierra Vista (probably where we will live), and the hospital sounds really nice. I'm going to talk to my CNMs about it at my next prenatal checkup in a few weeks to see what they think.

Other than that, it's school... and school.... and being a mom! Alone. For the next 4 months. How depressing. I love Russ, and I miss him so much already, and he's only been gone less than 24 hours!! I don't want to admit it, but I'm in really bad shape... I'm still in my PJs and it's after 3pm. I haven't really had much to eat - just enough to keep me from being nauseas, and I haven't really done much productive today... even though I really should. Tomorrow I'm going to go to campus to get my books and get ready for school... maybe that will help me pull out of it. I'm sure once school starts I won't have a problem - I'll be too busy to think about it.

Ship the Grad

So it's been a while - things have been crazy with school and getting Russ ready to ship, not to mention raising a 1 1/2 year old and being pregnant all at the same time! Every time you think life is going to get a little easier, it never does, the challenges are just different at different stages in your life.

The plan is to ship Russ to Basic Training here in about a week. There's a lot to do this week - a huge to do list that hopefully will get done before he leaves. He'll be there for about three months, then hopefully we'll be able to go out for his graduation. The plan will probably be to fly into Little Rock and then drive up with my folks. After that it's either 6 months of AIT, or 2 years of learning Chinese in Cali at the DLI. I'm hoping for DLI first, since he can live with us and has the evenings off and such. With AIT, he lives in the barracks and only has the weekends off. In that case, when I have baby, it better come on a weekend!

The two minutes that I had to write are gone, and now Vincente is begging me to take him outside... sooo... outside we go!!

queasy

So I thought I had staved off morning sickness, but it just turns out that it didn't make its full force entrance until this past week. I'm trying to take it easy and try to get over the nausea, but some days it's really hard.

Bleh... hopefully it only lasts a few more weeks (like last pregnancy).

We'll see.

the countdown

As is probably obvious from the lack of posts for the past few days, the boredom has ceased. Or at least eased. Life is picking up again, what with Russ leaving for Basic in a few weeks, school winding down, and Vincente becoming more and more of a toddler. Oh yeah, and the pregnancy. I've been trying to take it easy so I don't become a puking machine like I was with Vince. So far no vomit - but it's getting close. As long as I eat some dry cereal first thing in the morning while I'm laying down with a baby ice pack alternating from my stomach to my neck to my forehead and back again, I'm usually pretty good by lunch time. And I have to keep eating. I've also discovered hard mints work wonders as well, especially if I can't eat something right away. The little sugar rush spikes my blood sugar for a minute, and sucking on sometime helps ease the nausea. So I'm learning how to deal.

Russ is still working and working out and drilling for the National Guard. We only have three weeks left until he leaves for Basic. It's kind of depressing. We're making videos for Vince so he can remember Russ while he's gone. I don't want Vincente to forget his Pai in four months! But he's so little, it's going to be hard.

School this fall is going to be a challenge. Mostly because I will be away from Vincente for so much time every day. That is just going to be hard for me. It's already hard being away from him for 5 hours three days a week. But this fall it will be every day, and more time than that! :( I think I will start driving to school all the time so I can get there faster. We'll have to see how finances are in the fall.

Anyway, so there's life right now. Russ and I are planning a little weekend getaway right before he leaves, but we have to find a cheap place to stay first. Hopefully we can find something soon.

bored

I think this is the first day I have been bored for... at least a year. The first few months of Vincente's life were a little boring - no school, no entertaining toddler, no work, etc. But after that, he got pretty entertaining (not to mention a HANDFUL!) and on top of that there was work and school. But now... school is so easy it's a joke. I don't work. Vincente has so many people to keep him occupied here at the in-laws. I have nothing. The time he is distracted isn't quite enough time to do anything particularly productive, but it's just enough time to leave me wondering what I should do. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Maybe I should start making little lists of short things to do when I get bored. And if it wasn't so freaking hot outside, Vincente and I could spend all our time outside! But it's so hot, so I can't stand to be out there for more than a few minutes. Vince doesn't seem to mind, which is great for him, but a pain for me, since we don't have a fenced yard, which means I have to keep chasing after him so he doesn't run into the street. He's pretty good about staying out of the street, but only if no one else is outside. He loves the dogs, and he loves to get wet. I've been trying to buy him a kiddie pool so I can just set that up, sit myself next to it under the big umbrella and watch him have a blast. He would probably play in a kiddie pool for hours, especially if it was the kind with sprinklers. I've thought of building one on my own, but I don't really have the desire all the time. Only when I'm laying in bed in the morning, savoring the moments of quiet I get while he is still asleep.

The high tomorrow in Monterey is 67 degrees. I almost started crying when I read that. I LOVE MILD WEATHER!! It is WAY to hot in the freaking Utah sun, and it makes me cranky. I love to be outside, but there is no shade for miles, and the sun is so blazing hot. Living in Arkansas I never thought I would miss the humid, lazy summer days... but Arkansas heat is so much more bearable. Plus, my parents yard? I think there is a cumulative 700 square feet of their yard NOT covered in beautiful, blissful shade. Everyone's yards are shady. I miss sitting in the humid shade, still sweaty, but not uncomfortably sweating. Just that little moisture to your skin that makes you feel like you're cuddling with someone. I would take Vincente outside every day in Arkansas. And I would probably play with him in the yard, too, instead of sit in the shade while he runs around getting hot and sweaty. Kids seem to have a high tolerance for weather (at least, they think they do!)

I can't wait to live in Monterey. We're going to go outside every day. All day. For the whole year. We're going to go on walks, go swim in the neighborhood pool on the hotter days (like the ones that get in the 80s!!!), and ride bikes, run around, be crazy and enjoy the outside air ... FINALLY. I can't wait for fall weather... cool breezes... shade... a little rain maybe... ooooh..... I'm crying just thinking about it!

On another note, today I finally made a trip to WalMart, since I had a list for all the things I needed - a belt for the vacuum, Vincente's WIC food, a few new sippy cups, and some protein bars. So I get to Wally World, find everything non-food that I need, then I go to round up the WIC food. The first disappointment - no Life cereal. It's Vince's favorite, and my favorite for him, since it is relatively low-sugar, and still has some good fiber. So I go for Multi-grain Cheerios - still a little sweet (more sugar than Life) but still a little healthy. But the Cheerios only come in the weirdest box weights - 12.8 oz. I don't think I have ever seen a cereal box that came in 12.8 oz. Now, 12.8+12.8 = 25.6 Show me a box of cereal that is 10.4 oz? They don't exist. The smallest cereal (WIC approved, of course) I could find was regular oatmeal, and it was something like 11.5oz. So, here I can't get Vince's favorite cereal AND I can't even get 36oz of cereal that he will eat. So, I resign myself to forgoing the 10.4oz - it's not really worth the frustration.

Then to the juice. No apple juice. Not just no WIC approved apple juice... but no frozen apple juice. Period. By now I'm fuming. I just spent over an hour in the store looking for random things like party hats and vacuum belts, and now I can't get my WIC. I drove on my almost empty tank to WalMart to get WIC, and now I can't get WIC. My trip was almost utterly wasted. There was no way I was going to go carting Vince and everything else around WalMart to put back the WIC foods, so I just took them to the counter and told them to put them back for me. Anyway, I got home, talked to Russ for a while, and eventually felt a lot better, and less frustrated, about the whole situation. One reason it was so frustrating is that I am the only person on the vouchers, so I have to get the food, I can't send someone else to do it for me. I'm going to see if I can get my MIL to come down next week and get on the packet so she can do the shopping if I can't get out, or if she's out shopping and I'm not. That will be much better.

Anyway, so I am relieving my bored feeling by writing this insanely long post to our blog. Sorry you have to read all this. Bless you for being my friend! :)

mine is the best

I have officially decided that Vince is by far the cutest kid in the entire world.

He has soooo much personality for such a little guy! He's only been around for 15 months and already he thinks he knows everything. He makes the most amusing expressions, and he knows that they are amusing, and so he makes them again and again. Weirdo. We love him sooooo much.

Can't wait for the next one! :)

letting the cat out

So, I've decided to just come out with it - we're expecting!

The Baby isn't due until mid-March, and our insurance doesn't pay for ultrasounds unless a doctor requires it. So The Baby will probably be its official title until then. Not too big of a deal... unless it's a girl, because we don't have any girl stuff. I'm pretty certain it's a boy, but you never know!

So I had my intake appointment at the midwife clinic where I was seen for Vince. It's really far away from us now, since we've moved to the inlaws, but since we're moving to Cali in December anyway, I decided it would be just fine to make the trip so I can see the same midwives for a while. It didn't make sense to change midwives now, and then change midwives again when we move to Cali. Mostly I just filled out paper work, then they took some of my pee and some of my blood to do all the routine OB tests, then I found out that I am actually 6 weeks along! Hooray.

Things have been going well, so far. No nausea, which is way different than with Vince. With my first, I was sick by the beginning of week 5. I chalk it up to being more active this time around. I run 6-9 miles each week, at a pretty decent pace, so I feel pretty in shape. I also do more yoga and a little weight lifting (when I can squeeze it in!) I'm also eating more regularily and better food, because I started a nice healthy diet before I got pregnant. Now I'm just used to eating better food more often (in smaller amounts) which really helps with everything!

So there you have it!! The exciting news!

productivity

I felt very productive this weekend. I got my proof written for Number Theory, today I presented a different proof in class, I finished most of my Geometry homework due Wednesday, and I applied for graduation and paid a bunch of random fees (from blue books, test late fees, etc).

So anyway, I feel very productive. The bus doesn't come for about another hour and a half, so I'm going to hang out here in the computer lab and type some stuff for my book. Maybe I'll work on some homework, too, but I have time to do that later! And hopefully, I'll even be able to go for a run this evening! The weather has been really nice. Maybe we'll go on a family run and put Vince in the jogging stroller. Maybe we'll do that for our FHE activity. Who knows, Vince might even fall alseep!!

mother vindicated

I'm going to write a book about motherhood. An LDS non-fiction kind of thing. I'm going to do a lot of research, talk to a lot of LDS scholars (MFHD people and the likes) and write a book. There is something that Janice Kapp Perry said to us at the Stake RS retreat that really struck me. About personal expression and mothering and time and order. It helped me SO much. And then I bore testimony of the truth of it during sacrament meeting last week, and today another young mother approached me about how true it rang to her as well, and how it helped her.

And it's something that I think a lot of young mothers need to hear, especially ones who before they were mothers were very active in their own personal development and personal expression.

So yeah, maybe in a few years you might find my book at Deseret Book.

the good life

There is something really amusing about watching your one year old pretend everything and anything remotely rectangular is a car. He even makes the car sounds. What a great kid.

No school until Monday, no homework (two take home tests to being working on, but nothing high stress). I love how the weeks just keep flying by, taking me closer and closer to graduation. 

easy going

Russ is completely done. Officially. He passed his classes with high enough scores to graduate, so he is done. It's a big load off of him. I knew all along that he would pass his classes. He doubted himself. He's so great, and he never seems to see that.

Vincente is learning so much! At 15 months, he's already naming almost everything he sees (even if he names it incorrectly). He loves saying "Car", "Dog", "Bus", and "Show". He just walked up to the piano and said "I play?" He LOVES playing the piano. What an awesome kid! We're so lucky to have him! I especially love when he snuggles me and needs me, because he is still just a baby!!

School is going super well, just like last term. I think this final stretch is going to be a refreshing finish for me.

Then Jetters comes home from Italy! And we'll probably go visit her at home, go to her homecoming, and stuff like that.

So life is just moving along, bubbly and wonderful.

the first day

So, now I will finally write about the first day of classes, even though it's been two days of classes. I am taking survey of Geometry (taught by a high school geometry teacher) and Number Theory, taught by the cutest British professor.

Both should be pretty easy. And Vincente gets to hang out with our portuguese speaking friend, Emily. I know it's been really good for him so far - he gets to hear another person speak Portuguese, so it's not as hard for him to learn. Anyway, he spends time with her while I'm in class, and then we come home and hang out with O Pai.

I have a feeling this summer is going to be perfect. I love my family, and hopefully we'll be able to grow into a family of four!

The Seattle Trip

So, now I write about our trip to Seattle. This was our summer vacation, since Pai will be off to basic training at the end of the summer, and until then, the Mama is in school until December. Seattle was the big trip of the year. Well, here we go:

Thursday -

Early flight out to Seattle. Russ' aunt drove us up and we flew with Sisty the whole way. Vincente did pretty well on his first airplane ride, until the end when he started getting tired and needing to relieve himself. We let him run around for a while, and then changed a few very full diapers.

Arrival in Seattle. We rented a car. Instead of being a sedan, it ended up being an Eclipse - a two door compact sports car. But since we only needed to go one way with five pieces of luggage and four people (three adults plus a baby in a car seat) and we had been traveling for so long, we decided to make it work. We packed in like sardines and made it to the hotel in Bellevue where we would stay with Mom and Dad Werner.

Then we met up with the rest of the family at Ross and Janie's house in Seattle. We spent some time hanging out, then walked a few blocks to the neighborhood golf course and driving range where we practiced on the driving range for a while, then played a 9-hole 3-person family scramble. I played on a team with Dad Werner and Ross. O Pai played on a team with Mom Werner and Wayne. My team won with +5, and Pai's team came in second, I think, with +8 or 9.

After the golf scramble we went home and hung out for a while. We did a little grocery shopping at the neighborhood market. One nice thing about Seattle - there is no big WalMart, just little neighborhood markets where you can go grocery shopping a few blocks away, whenever you need something. Then we made waffles at Ross and Janie's with strawberry, peach, or raspberry toppings.

Friday -

First thing Friday morning we drove out to Snoqualmie Falls, a BEAUTIFUL park about 20 minutes east of Seattle. First we spent some time on a neat gazebo overlooking the falls. The wind carried the spray over to the gazebo. It felt pretty nice, actually. Then we hiked down a steep 1/2 mile trail to the river feeding from the falls. We pushed Vincente in his stroller down the hill, which was tough, but not nearly as tough as pushing him back up. That's what we have Pai's for, though, so Papai pushed him back up the hill. Then we had a nice picnic lunch in the park, sandwiches and salads, etc.

Then it was back to Ross and Janie's for a little hang out time.

After that, Dad and Mom Werner tooks us out to eat at Ivar's Acres of Clams. It was GREAT food. Then we were back off home to hang out until bedtime.

Ross and Vince were munching on french fries at just about the same rate. Like uncle, like nephew?








Saturday -
Saturday morning, Russ and I ran the Puget Sound Race for the Cure. We ended up losing each other between paying for parking and picking up our bibs and shirts, so we ended up picking up two sets of shirts and bibs. Then we found each other about a minute before the race started, but still a block and a half from the start line. So we booked it to the start line, but then ended up taking a minute to get to the start line after they blew the horn to start. So our clocked time was 29 minutes an 22 seconds, but minus the time it took to get to the start line, it was probably more like 28 1/2 minutes.

After the run, we went shopping on our own at a little mall in Bellevue. Russ needed some workout gear and I needed a hairbrush.

The rest of Saturday was spent in downtown Seattle, shopping, eating, playing (Vince loved the pigeons. They didn't share the same sentiment, unfortunately, but he had fun chasing them!)

Saturday evening we went on the Underground Tour of Seattle. Vincente loved running around on the uneven floors underground, and had some entertaining conversations with the tour guide. The tour was about the history of Seattle - 33 city blocks were raised out of the tide flats. The problem was that when the tide was high, the streets got really muddy, and people even drowned in the streets!! (the puddles were called "chuck holes" - because of the chuck wagons that caused them) Vince also made some friends with a few girls on the tour as well. One of them received the first "stranger" high five of the trip! He probably had a crush on her :)

That night for dinner we went to Orexi, a Greek restaurant, for Ross' birthday. It was way good food, but by the time we got to our entrees, we'd filled outselves up on the appetizers! Russ could have eaten more (he got a pasta entree AND a huge salad!!) but we were so tired, and so full, we just boxed it all. Russ ended up eating some of his leftovers for breakfast the next day. He is the only person I know who eats pasta for breakfast :)



Sunday -

Sunday was our last day in Seattle. We caught sacrament meeting with Darla and Brian and their boys, then headed over to Ross and Janie's again where we cooked up some mean Tate Verdi ("Green Potatoes") - basically a creamy pesto sauce over potatoes and chicken. Yummy stuff. My dad's brother, Art, and a few of his kids and grandkids came over as well. Oh, and during all this stuff, GG Joan and Grandpa Cec came along. Art came for most things as well.

After dinner, we sat with GG Joan and looked through family pictures. GG was identifying people so Ross could scan them and preserve some of our family history. We also got Dad Werner, Art, and GG Joan telling stories about where Dad and Art grew up and some of their experiences. Ross recorded it so we can add it to our family history. Unfortunately I didn't get to find out anything new about the Werner side. GG Joan didn't know a whole lot about that side of the family.

At last came time for our flight home. We struggled finding the airport - took the wrong ramp at the interchange and ended up half way to Tacoma before realizing where we were going. But at last we made it to the airport! The flight was delayed in from Chicago, so instead of arriving in SLC at 10:30, we arrived at 11:20. Dad Rowley picked us up at the airport and drove us home to Salem, where we headed straight to bed, just in time for the Mama to get some shuteye before her first day of classes for summer term! But that is a story for another day!

the end

No, I don't mean the end of our blog. I just mean the end of school! Forever! Well, the end of bachelors studies for Russ. My school story is going to stretch out for a few more months (about 6 to be exact). But Russ will be an official BYU graduate next Thursday! (assuming he passes all his classes :D ) I am super excited.
Then the rest of the summer will be WAY more relaxed for us. Well, not if you count getting ready to ship to basic. But as far as time-consuming school, it's finished! I almost never thought it would happen, and here I am, waiting for my sweet husband to take his last finals! And then we're off to Seattle for a MUCH needed vacation.

Hooray for no more school for Russ. I think he deserves this!

Vincente-Speak

Vincente is getting more and more vocal. He's learning so many words. He says "luz" whenever he sees a light (luz = light, portuguese). He also says Hi, Hello, Bye, Cracker, More, Please, Uh-Oh, All Gone, Grandma, Thank You and Outside. All of these have signs with them, except Uh-Oh and Grandma (and of course, More and Please are practically the same word to him).

So, here is a Vincente translation so you can communicate with him when you see him:

"Hi" - hi
"Heh - low" - hello
"Baiyee" - bye
"Crah-crah" - cracker
"Sss" or sometimes "Ssssee" - more/please
"Uh-oh" - uh-oh
"Ah gah" - all gone
"A ma" - grandma
"Asigh, asigh" - outside
"Ayn chtoo" - thank you

He is so smart. He understands pretty much everything I say, and he is very obedient. I don't want to boast, but I think it because I try really hard to help him do whatever it is I ask him to do ("Come here," "Bring that to mama," "Sit down," etc) and then give him oodles of praise when he does what I ask. I think a child's development depends a lot on how hard you work with them, trying to communicate, playing, showing them things, letting them show you things.

Being a mom is the greatest thing I have ever done.

earthquake

The JKB is going to fall down. I just know it.

A crane just outside this building is hammering huge metal beams into the ground. A side effect is the JKB feels like it's going to crumble into a million piece. Oh, and you can't hear the professor. But that's not important anyway :) Who pays attention in class in the first place?!

Sign Language!!

At last, all the hard work, the persistence, the not giving in to his whines!!

Vincente signed PLEASE and MORE today! Maybe I can get him on camera doing it, chances are not.

So, a few days ago he did it like, once. But today he was doing it almost every time he wanted another piece of chocolate! Yes, I know, I'm a horrible mother to feed my son chocolate, but we got it from a ward party, and I can't eat it since I'm fat flushing, but Vincente was bored and I was trying to get some work done, so I gave him a little bite, and then he asked for MORE. After that he kept asking please. He even did a little hiss when he said it.

My son can sign. It's acutally kind of a relief. I was beginning to think he was just a little on the slow side. But he figured it out, and hopefully this is the beginning of a very rich signing relationship between Vincente and his family.

We watch Signing Time all the time. We have DVR at our inlaws where we live, so I just DVR it every Monday afternoon and we watch the episodes all week long. We have three episodes on so far. Eventually we may have all of them. Anyway, it's been great fun. Vincente likes watching it and I wonder if now that he has actually discovered the joy of signing he'll want to sign more words! We'll see!

Life in General

Things are going well lately. I've been losing my patience the last few days with Vincente making so much noise at night, and it's hard to tell if he really needs me or not, because he's been sick, and he's been making the adjustment to living here with the in-laws. But I think things are getting better. We run a fan in both rooms so we can't hear him as well when he makes noise.

School is going well. My teachers are fabulous, the workload isn't too bad (so far) and I'm getting good grades on what I do, so it's looking like it will be a wonderful term. Plus, Spring Term is sooo relaxed and the small class size makes me feel a lot better about school.

My calling is going pretty well, choir is big and exciting. Everyone always compliments them, so that's good.

So, in general, life is good. And that's how I like it.

The Best Thing I've Seen in Years

So, Russ is smiling more. And laughing more. And loving life more. He's less defensive, more humble, fun to be around. All the things that made me fall in love with him in the first place. The past year or so has been really hard with school and work and all other crazy things. I think Russ has just been really really stressed. He does so much for our family and hardly gets the recognition he deserves. Not to mention that stress can just do horrible things to you.

It's nice to have the old Russ back. It's fun to laugh and smile together. The best thing is to be able to joke and gently tease and just love each other!!

There are two seasons of love, I think - there is the season of hardship that requires patience, understanding, and enduring to the end mentality. Then there is the other season of joy and laughter and sunshine and roses. It's like winter and spring. And I think it's a cycle. I think we'll hit another patch of time where we just have to stick it out and remind ourselves that we really do love each other and that even though life is hard right now, and we wonder why we got ourselves in this family mess in the first place, sometime it's going to be all worth it. And when we're in the springtime of love and life, we need to live it to the fullest, taking advantage of each moment, each smile, each touch, each laugh. Because those things will get us through the winter.

And in the end, all we have is each other. Even if we forget how much we love each other sometimes. And boy do we love each other.

Experience Life

(Photo credit: Emily O)

The Goal

It feels good, usually. The cool breeze on my face as my feet touch the warm asphalt and spring effortlessly into the air. As if there were wings on my feet. I am a goddess, rhythmic breathing, stepping, pounding, sliding through the air. The sun beats on my face, chest, arms, back, heating me, pushing me. Under my feet, the crunch of the gravel as my feet own the road. Farther than yesterday, there is more in me today. I can make it to the end. I can do it. There is nothing between me and my goal but the cool air, the warm asphalt, and my steps, my breath. Then I am there, and it is behind me. I have reached it. And it's only the beginning.

Gratitude

There is nothing sweeter than the compassion of a stranger. Someone who can see the stress, the fatigue. Someone who has undoubtedly been there before. Delaying for a few moments so you can have a few moments. Who sacrifices their moments? Probably a mother. For a mother. To escape the monotony. To relax and be finished. Giving moments. When she gave me those moments, my heart was full.

In this case, Settle

They say you should never settle, but when it comes to settling in to a new routine or a new home, settling is probably the best thing you can do.

And we're having a hard time.

I think Russ and Vincente are having the worst of it. I actually feel really relieved to have help, and for Vincente to have playmates, and for him to have a big house to run around in. Babies hate being couped up, and Vincente is no exception. He love to run around and play, and I think he's still getting used to having so much room to move. He walks across the living room, dining room, and into the kitchen and back again so many times in a day it makes me dizzy! But I think he has also had to learn to adjust to being with SO many people ALL the time. There are ten people living in this house right now! It can get REALLY crazy. Not to mention Wednesday morning I had to leave for school before he even woke up, so he didn't see me for a while. I think that did a number on his emotions. Last night he had such a hard time going to sleep. He's been acting up and throwing tantrums - even more than usual for him.

But today things went a little better. Last night I decided that I would take him to school with me and spend most of the day with him, which I did - and I think it paid off. Tonight he went to bed without too much trauma. Just the usual fuss and wanting to cuddle and then he was off to sleepy land.

Russ is having to adjust to living with his parents again. I think it is weird for him because he has such a strong feeling about being independent and living on his own. I think he will do a little better when he starts to relax about being home. It's not like he's home much anyway, between 9 credits at school and 40 hours a week at work. It's kind of crazy.

Picking up the pace

So, the moving is still going slowly, but it's almost done. As I write this post, I am sitting in our new "suite" in my in-laws basement. Vincente is napping in his bed (with new Spongebob sheets from Grandma), and Russ is napping on our bed behind me. Our townhouse is still full of food and I think I forgot to pack the entire downstairs half bath, but most of the things we want are out are safely stored in a dingy little storage unit about five minutes from where we're living now. Speaking of a storage unit, we rented an 8'x10' because we thought we would need it, but it turns out that we are packing pro's and we only fill it up about 2/3 of the way! Of course, the only large things we are storing are the washer and dryer. We brought the couches with us for Russ' folks to use in their basement while they look around for new couches for upstairs. And everything else we got rid of. It was a very liberating feeling to get rid of so much stuff! I am going to start saving for nice furniture for when we move to our new place in California. It takes so much effort to make sure you don't accumulate STUFF!

I hate stuff, by the way. I like to live on the basics, you know? Too much extra stuff and you get bogged down. And you have to figure out where to PUT everything! The only thing I believe you can never have to much of is books. I love having books, I love reading books, I love that my one year old son loves books! It's so important. It expands your mind. You get smarter by reading books. I sure hope Vince loves books as much as his Pai and I do. But boy are they heavy! Packing books isn't so bad, they pack really well into boxes, but carrying them is another story entirely!

So that's our story for now. Moved in. Cleaning after the weekend. Then school starts again. I'm actually pretty excited. Combinatorics and Java. What could be better?

Finals, Moving, and all that Jazz

The Rowleys move on to a new chapter in their lives. Okay, so really just a new section in the same chapter... Spring term!! And moving in with the in-laws. I know, we always swore we would NEVER live with our parents. We always felt that we wanted to be self-sufficient. But then, there comes a time when sanity takes over your pride, thank goodness.


Russ will leave for Basic Traning in August, and since Vincente and I were going to move in with the in-laws then anyway, and they're raising our rent, we decided it would be more intelligent to move in now instead of moving and then moving again.

Finals are finished this week, and then it's moving time! Hopefully we'll be able to get everything done that we need to. We have to get a storage unit and decide what stuff we'll take with us, what stuff we'll put in storage, and what stuff we'll give away/sell/whatever. We hope to get rid of a lot of stuff, and just buy some new furniture when we move to California in December. That way we won't have to store a lot of ugly newly-wed furniture. There's nothing wrong with ugly furniture at first, but after a while you crave a coordinated look for your house to replace the DI showroom look.

two feet

So, I know I already posted today (in fact, I just posted about four seconds ago - plus whatever time it takes me to write this post). I just wanted to give everyone an update on Vincente - who is now a very fluent walker!

He is the cutest baby in the world! And he is growing up sooo fast!

His birthday is in a week and a half. And he'll be ONE! It's crazy how time flies!

goings on in the rowley pad

It's been a while since I've posted. Things are going really well. I am catching up in my math classes (I am 2 homework assignments behind in one class, and a test behind in the other, but I'm taking the test tomorrow, and the two homework assignments will be done by the end of next week, and then I will be caught up. Then there is a test in the other class!


I got a nap in today, which was really nice. I can't even tell you when the last time was that I had a nap. I have been feeling so stressed with school, work, and family. It is amazing to see the hand of the Lord in my life. Here are some examples just from this semester:

At the beginning of the semester, I wasn't able to attend one of my classes because we didn't have anyone to watch Vincente. Then Russ' cousin said she could watch him, just days before the withdraw deadline. I told my professor that I might have to withdraw from his class since I didn't have a sitter. But then, things fell in place, and that has been worked out!


Next, I was struggling a lot in my Partial Differential Equations class. It is a difficult class with a lot of really hard concepts, and while my professor is pretty good, he doesn't help me in the way I need when it comes to questions on the homework. So I started looking for a tutor, I called every tutoring service I could find, emailed every ad that even mentioned any kind of differential equation, and eventually found nothing. Then my professor (who has been very kind and compassionate and thoughtful since the beginning of the semester!) talked to a student in my class who has been doing really well, and asked if he would consider tutoring me. So now I have a tutor (and he's only charging me $10/hr) and it has been AMAZING!

On top of all that, I have been able to manage my time enough to keep the house clean, and play with Vincente, too!

So I am feeling really good about a lot of things, and not as stressed as I've been. I used to be tense and wanted to be working all the time, so napping was out of the question. Vincente sleeping was time for me to get things done! But this afternoon, when he took a nap, I said to myself, "My life is in order, time to take a nap!" And boy did it feel good.

Even if I don't have everything completely done, I feel much more comfortable when I have a plan and I know the plan is going to work, because it has been working.

So anyway, yeah, life is good.

"Ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."

Ether 12:6

taking hits

So, in the movie Rocky Balboa, (Rocky VI, if you like) Rocky says to his kid,

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody!"

Anyway, just a good quote that is really helpful right now.

I just hope I can keep getting up and moving forward.