The Letter!!!

I got a letter from Russ today! I can't tell you how giddy I was to see his handwriting on a letter in the mail. I felt like I was in high school again, getting a note passed to me from my crush or something! Anyway, I thought I would just write the whole text of the letter here. Russ won't mind ;) I hope!

Hey Honey!

So I just found out that my basic won't even start until "the 5th." Thursday? That's when I'm supposed to go to basic. Until then I just hang around here in Reception going over paperwork and ... I don't know, once that's all done. I'll let you know when I know my projected graduation day.

Shoot! I just found out I have fire-watch tonight. - O.K. It's been a couple of days since I started this letter, and I've been on fireguard twice now. It's Sunday, and about 80% of my company (Bravo Company) just left for a ZZ-Top concert here on the base. The barracks are pretty quiet now.

Went to church today with 12 other privates - 3 or 4 of which came with cuase of a Lamanite-Nephite story I told them with Captain Moroni and his soldiers. It seems I might ship on Wednesday instead of Thursday, but like I said, I'll get a letter to you as quick as I can (Don't send any back to this address).

There's not much else to talk about now, since I'm just in Reception, waiting to go to basic. 

The Drill Seargant noticed me and private Ross (from Sweden) standing out of a (rated R) movie and inquired as to why. We explained the LDS take on violence, language, sex, etc, which the seargant thought was kind of strange, then, after a second of awkward silence, he said "Chronicles of Riddick it is," marched right into the auditorium and stopped the move (right in the middle) And to the moans and groans of about 400 privates whose movie had been so abruptly interrupted, he yelled, "Shut up! I don't like this movie. We're putting in a different one!"

I hope you are feeling well. Are you hanging out w/ Jessica a lot now? If so, tell her to speak only in Italian to Vince. By the way, how is he doing? Does he seem to notice my absence? When I am alone at night, I imagine him in my arms. That's where you both belong!

I love you so much! I talk about you guys all the time. Just remember if you miss me, to just talk to the 3rd member of our marriage: Heavenly Father.

Love,

Russ

So I have officially decided that I have the best husband in the world. He is the kind of guy you want to be with for eternity. The kind of guy who stands up for his beliefs, has a kind heart, loves his family, knows just what to say and when to say it, and I miss SOOO much!

I love him. I miss him. I can't wait to see him again. The temple this morning was just what I needed. I felt Heavenly Father's love for me so strongly. Like he's taking care of me - emotionally, spiritually, and in every other way.

I am so grateful for the gospel in my life and the hope and peace and comfort that I am able to have because of my testimony of the gospel. There is so much hope in the gospel! And there is so much love to be felt by Heavenly Father! I echo the words of Lehi, "I am encircled about eternally in the arms of His love"!

checking in

So there's not much to write about. School, homework, and playing with Vince. That's about all I'm doing these days. And waiting... for a letter from Russ. You can bet I'm going to pounce on that thing as soon as it comes. It will probably be framed in my bedroom. I keep checking the mailbox everyday... wishing and hoping...

I will definitely let you know when it comes. Until then, it's just the same old same old. Although Jessica is coming over on Saturday after we go to the temple. I'm so excited to go to the temple on Saturday. I think it is going to be exactly the refresher I need. And boy do I need a refresher...

the major screwup of the semester

Apparently BYU's financial system had a hiccup this past weekend. Weird, I know, for a financial system to have a hiccup. Anyway, what happened is that about 400 students were "awarded" PAST financial aid that they were never eligible for in the first place. Yeah. I know. Freaky.

So they sent out these messages to student accounts of these people saying "You were awarded a Pell Grant you weren't eligible for! Pay us back or we will come hunt you down!!" There is probably mass confusion and frustration right now at BYU. Yeah. It sucks. Good thing my husband isn't in school anymore, or I would have been completely confused. Okay, to be honest, I was completely confused... why is my husband getting a Pell Grant refund when he isn't even enrolled in classes? Yes - that is very strange. Anyway, so I gave them back their money - very hastily - once I realized what that extra $2030 was in my checking account.

What a very very very very bad problem to have. I hope too many people aren't in debt thousands of dollars now because BYU's financial system had a cold. Seriously... these kinds of things really should not happen.

back to the Y

And the first day of school comes to a close. It was actually really satisfying, even though both of my classes were in the same building - but it was the ESC, which is a pretty cool building. Tomorrow I have four classes in four different buildings. Now, some people may not think this is very out of the ordinary, but for the past year I have had 87.5% of my classes in the TMCB (that is an actual true percentage - I calculated it). This semester, I have only ONE of FIVE classes in the TMCB!! That's crazy! And it's my last math class. Weird. It's like the end is coming or something.

Now I'm going to watch videos of Russ with Vincente. Vince just came up to the computer and saw me on it and reached for the computer saying "A pai?" So I think that's a cue :)

holiday

So I have been thoroughly enjoying my holiday. I had breakfast with Jessica, which was fabulously fun. Then we went school shopping for her, then watched the new Transformers, which was hilarious and fun. Then she cooked us some yummy peppers, and then Vincente almost drove away with Christopher. He would have if I had let him. When I asked him if he wanted to come with me he shook his head. And then he started crying when I took him out of Christopher's car. Silly baby!

Anyway, then I went shopping with Chrystal and her boys. Which was super duper exciting and fun. And Mariposa was having a fabulous sale, so I bought a nice winter coat, a blazer jacket (way cute!) and three shirts for $34! Amazing, yes? Yes. And I bought myself a new skirt at Motherhood because I deserve it. You could say it was a day of emotional shopping. I don't usually shop for myself, because I usually go shopping with Russ, and it's hard for me to feel like buying stuff for myself when I'm with Russ. Sometimes you just need to go shopping with a girl. It's funny - when Russ and I were dating and engaged, he was super fun to shop with, but for some reason he's not as much fun to shop with anymore. Maybe it's because we haven't really had money to spend since then :)

So today has been completely wonderful. I'm staying distracted, which is good and healthy for me right now.

Speaking of which, it's almost time to eat food. And what better distraction than that!

I hate phones

So, apparently Russ called again on Thursday. It was "the" phone call they get. And my phone never even rang. It didn't register a missed call... nothing... just... a message. While that is all wonderful, I had my phone next to me the ENTIRE day, knowing that he would probably call... and then my phone malfunctions or the cell phone towers are busted or whatever. I should have had him call his parent's land line. But I can't remember if I was out or not. I know that Vincente and I took a long nap Thursday afternoon, because we slept through playgroup. We did a lot of shopping earlier that day, so I can't imagine that we were gone anywhere in the evening.

So I am now very very depressed. The only thing that was keeping me going this weekend was the thought that he would call sometime this week. And now I don't even have that. Now I have nothing until he sends a letter, because he didn't even have a mailing address. Maybe I'll just send something to the fort addressed to him and hope it gets to him. I miss him sooo much and I really need to have some form of communication or things will get really bad.

If I disappear from the face of the planet for the next 48 hours, don't send the search parties. Unless I don't show up for school on Tuesday... then start looking.

phone calls

Okay, so you know you're pathetically aching for a person when you use their phone to call your phone (so you can find your phone) and then when you finally find your phone, you see that you've missed calls from that person, and your heart jumps... then you remember that it was really just you calling yourself... and you feel really stupid.

On a lighter note, I have talked to Russ about three times since he's been gone, and since he's only been gone since Monday night, I'd say that's pretty good! The phone call on Thursday morning was definitely sorely needed. He had to call to ask some questions about his top secret security clearance background check thing. That's right. My husband is going to have top secret security clearance. Actually, knowing that makes me a little more afraid for him serving in the military. I mean, the people in the most danger in times of war are the infantry men, the guys holding the guns on the front lines and actually killing people. But next to that, and even in times of "peace" - the guys with the top secret knowledge - those are the ones whose names are probably top on the hit lists. Now, Russ is just a grunt, so it's not like he's going to know some crazy official confidential government secrets... but just the same... it makes me more nervous.

But he's going to love his military job - I just know it. It's totally him - learning languages, talking to people from all over the world and traveling all over the world. It just suits him perfectly. And I don't mind the military-wife life. In fact, it's something I always expected that I would do. I knew that if I married the kind of man I wanted to marry, he would probably either be in the military, or end up serving at some point in our marriage. We'll see how much I like it if he ever gets deployed to Iraq :-{

wee hours

Maybe my body is just used to getting 5 hours of sleep instead of 8. That compounded with the fact that I'm just finishing my first trimester, so I'm going from the stage where I can't eat anything substantial or I'll puke, to the stage where I have to be constantly stuffing my face with whatever I can get my hands on. So I keep waking up at 3:45 (and yes... it is about 3:45 every morning... not 3:30, not 4:00... 3:45) with my nose stuffed beyond breathability, my bladder so full I feel like I might explode, and my stomach growling obscenities at me. Yes. That is second trimester bliss. I am soooo excited...

Anyway, this morning it worked out okay, because I'm leaving around 5:20 to go to a step aerobics class with my MIL. I've worked it out now so I'll go to step on Mondays and Fridays, run Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and go for an evening walk with my neighbor on Wednesday evenings. So I've got my life pretty active. Hopefully it also helps me distract myself from the fact that my sweet husband is gone for a few months. I got to talk to him yesterday morning, so that makes three time since he left Monday night. That's pretty good, if you ask me! It's been keeping me sane. I can't wait to get letters. Just the anticipation of knowing that eventually there will be something in the mailbox for you makes the missing someone more bearable.

the loneliness bird

"Deep inside me the loneliness bird laid a large stone egg."

 - The Power of One

I'm really missing Russ. It hits me the hardest when I'm alone... so I try not to be alone. I try to just stay around Vincente and the rest of the huge Rowley clan whenever I can. Then I get distracted and I can't think about it too much.

But when I'm hanging out by myself... that's when it starts getting to me.

I think I was starting to get really used to Russ... and now that he's gone, I realize what I had all that time. Sometimes you take for granted what is right in front of you... and once it's gone, you realize what you would do to keep it there forever. Good thing this BCT thing is only a few months. Of course, then it's on to MORE training... *sigh* I'm just anxious for the day when we get to live in the same house again. Which actually won't be until the spring... that's a looong time!! :( I miss my Russell-head...

going solo

So Russ is officially Active Duty and off to Basic Training. I'm starting to feel lonely a little bit, but it's not too bad, yet. I'm keeping myself distracted, and Vincente is keeping me company. I've been collecting syllabi for my classes this semester so I can go buy books and start on homework a week early. I know... lame-0 me. But I might as well... this semester is going to be the hardest ever. It is the last, though, so hopefully I can make it to the end.

We found out that Russ is going to AIT right after Basic Training, so that means this baby is going to have to be born on a weekend. Since my due date is a weekend, I'm thinking that I can just be induced on my due date (hopefully I don't go earlier!). I'm not sure they would let him take time off training in order to see his baby born. It's important for us that he is there for the birth, so induction is starting to sound like a good idea. I had to be on Pitocin for Vincente's delivery, so I already know that my body responds well to the drug. It's not incredibly dangerous or risking, especially if I get induced on or after my due date. I'm pretty sure of my due date, since we were trying to get pregnant for a few months before it actually happened. I was keeping track of dates :) Anyway, I've been talking to my friend, another Becca, who had to be induced with her first. She did it without an epidural or any other drugs at all (besides the GBS anti-biotic). Of course, she didn't feel any of the contractions except during transition. I was in (hard) labor for six days with Vincente, and I took it without an epidural. I won't say it was pleasant, or that I would EVER want to do it again, but I think if I can take hard contractions that long, I should be able to take the Pitocin induced contractions for a while. Not to mention that I had to sit through about an hour of REALLY strong Pitocin induced contractions before I delivered Vincente... that was probably the worst thing I have ever had to endure. Anyway, so I'm feeling more and more confident about that possibility. I've found a CNM in Sierra Vista (probably where we will live), and the hospital sounds really nice. I'm going to talk to my CNMs about it at my next prenatal checkup in a few weeks to see what they think.

Other than that, it's school... and school.... and being a mom! Alone. For the next 4 months. How depressing. I love Russ, and I miss him so much already, and he's only been gone less than 24 hours!! I don't want to admit it, but I'm in really bad shape... I'm still in my PJs and it's after 3pm. I haven't really had much to eat - just enough to keep me from being nauseas, and I haven't really done much productive today... even though I really should. Tomorrow I'm going to go to campus to get my books and get ready for school... maybe that will help me pull out of it. I'm sure once school starts I won't have a problem - I'll be too busy to think about it.

Ship the Grad

So it's been a while - things have been crazy with school and getting Russ ready to ship, not to mention raising a 1 1/2 year old and being pregnant all at the same time! Every time you think life is going to get a little easier, it never does, the challenges are just different at different stages in your life.

The plan is to ship Russ to Basic Training here in about a week. There's a lot to do this week - a huge to do list that hopefully will get done before he leaves. He'll be there for about three months, then hopefully we'll be able to go out for his graduation. The plan will probably be to fly into Little Rock and then drive up with my folks. After that it's either 6 months of AIT, or 2 years of learning Chinese in Cali at the DLI. I'm hoping for DLI first, since he can live with us and has the evenings off and such. With AIT, he lives in the barracks and only has the weekends off. In that case, when I have baby, it better come on a weekend!

The two minutes that I had to write are gone, and now Vincente is begging me to take him outside... sooo... outside we go!!

queasy

So I thought I had staved off morning sickness, but it just turns out that it didn't make its full force entrance until this past week. I'm trying to take it easy and try to get over the nausea, but some days it's really hard.

Bleh... hopefully it only lasts a few more weeks (like last pregnancy).

We'll see.

the countdown

As is probably obvious from the lack of posts for the past few days, the boredom has ceased. Or at least eased. Life is picking up again, what with Russ leaving for Basic in a few weeks, school winding down, and Vincente becoming more and more of a toddler. Oh yeah, and the pregnancy. I've been trying to take it easy so I don't become a puking machine like I was with Vince. So far no vomit - but it's getting close. As long as I eat some dry cereal first thing in the morning while I'm laying down with a baby ice pack alternating from my stomach to my neck to my forehead and back again, I'm usually pretty good by lunch time. And I have to keep eating. I've also discovered hard mints work wonders as well, especially if I can't eat something right away. The little sugar rush spikes my blood sugar for a minute, and sucking on sometime helps ease the nausea. So I'm learning how to deal.

Russ is still working and working out and drilling for the National Guard. We only have three weeks left until he leaves for Basic. It's kind of depressing. We're making videos for Vince so he can remember Russ while he's gone. I don't want Vincente to forget his Pai in four months! But he's so little, it's going to be hard.

School this fall is going to be a challenge. Mostly because I will be away from Vincente for so much time every day. That is just going to be hard for me. It's already hard being away from him for 5 hours three days a week. But this fall it will be every day, and more time than that! :( I think I will start driving to school all the time so I can get there faster. We'll have to see how finances are in the fall.

Anyway, so there's life right now. Russ and I are planning a little weekend getaway right before he leaves, but we have to find a cheap place to stay first. Hopefully we can find something soon.

bored

I think this is the first day I have been bored for... at least a year. The first few months of Vincente's life were a little boring - no school, no entertaining toddler, no work, etc. But after that, he got pretty entertaining (not to mention a HANDFUL!) and on top of that there was work and school. But now... school is so easy it's a joke. I don't work. Vincente has so many people to keep him occupied here at the in-laws. I have nothing. The time he is distracted isn't quite enough time to do anything particularly productive, but it's just enough time to leave me wondering what I should do. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Maybe I should start making little lists of short things to do when I get bored. And if it wasn't so freaking hot outside, Vincente and I could spend all our time outside! But it's so hot, so I can't stand to be out there for more than a few minutes. Vince doesn't seem to mind, which is great for him, but a pain for me, since we don't have a fenced yard, which means I have to keep chasing after him so he doesn't run into the street. He's pretty good about staying out of the street, but only if no one else is outside. He loves the dogs, and he loves to get wet. I've been trying to buy him a kiddie pool so I can just set that up, sit myself next to it under the big umbrella and watch him have a blast. He would probably play in a kiddie pool for hours, especially if it was the kind with sprinklers. I've thought of building one on my own, but I don't really have the desire all the time. Only when I'm laying in bed in the morning, savoring the moments of quiet I get while he is still asleep.

The high tomorrow in Monterey is 67 degrees. I almost started crying when I read that. I LOVE MILD WEATHER!! It is WAY to hot in the freaking Utah sun, and it makes me cranky. I love to be outside, but there is no shade for miles, and the sun is so blazing hot. Living in Arkansas I never thought I would miss the humid, lazy summer days... but Arkansas heat is so much more bearable. Plus, my parents yard? I think there is a cumulative 700 square feet of their yard NOT covered in beautiful, blissful shade. Everyone's yards are shady. I miss sitting in the humid shade, still sweaty, but not uncomfortably sweating. Just that little moisture to your skin that makes you feel like you're cuddling with someone. I would take Vincente outside every day in Arkansas. And I would probably play with him in the yard, too, instead of sit in the shade while he runs around getting hot and sweaty. Kids seem to have a high tolerance for weather (at least, they think they do!)

I can't wait to live in Monterey. We're going to go outside every day. All day. For the whole year. We're going to go on walks, go swim in the neighborhood pool on the hotter days (like the ones that get in the 80s!!!), and ride bikes, run around, be crazy and enjoy the outside air ... FINALLY. I can't wait for fall weather... cool breezes... shade... a little rain maybe... ooooh..... I'm crying just thinking about it!

On another note, today I finally made a trip to WalMart, since I had a list for all the things I needed - a belt for the vacuum, Vincente's WIC food, a few new sippy cups, and some protein bars. So I get to Wally World, find everything non-food that I need, then I go to round up the WIC food. The first disappointment - no Life cereal. It's Vince's favorite, and my favorite for him, since it is relatively low-sugar, and still has some good fiber. So I go for Multi-grain Cheerios - still a little sweet (more sugar than Life) but still a little healthy. But the Cheerios only come in the weirdest box weights - 12.8 oz. I don't think I have ever seen a cereal box that came in 12.8 oz. Now, 12.8+12.8 = 25.6 Show me a box of cereal that is 10.4 oz? They don't exist. The smallest cereal (WIC approved, of course) I could find was regular oatmeal, and it was something like 11.5oz. So, here I can't get Vince's favorite cereal AND I can't even get 36oz of cereal that he will eat. So, I resign myself to forgoing the 10.4oz - it's not really worth the frustration.

Then to the juice. No apple juice. Not just no WIC approved apple juice... but no frozen apple juice. Period. By now I'm fuming. I just spent over an hour in the store looking for random things like party hats and vacuum belts, and now I can't get my WIC. I drove on my almost empty tank to WalMart to get WIC, and now I can't get WIC. My trip was almost utterly wasted. There was no way I was going to go carting Vince and everything else around WalMart to put back the WIC foods, so I just took them to the counter and told them to put them back for me. Anyway, I got home, talked to Russ for a while, and eventually felt a lot better, and less frustrated, about the whole situation. One reason it was so frustrating is that I am the only person on the vouchers, so I have to get the food, I can't send someone else to do it for me. I'm going to see if I can get my MIL to come down next week and get on the packet so she can do the shopping if I can't get out, or if she's out shopping and I'm not. That will be much better.

Anyway, so I am relieving my bored feeling by writing this insanely long post to our blog. Sorry you have to read all this. Bless you for being my friend! :)

mine is the best

I have officially decided that Vince is by far the cutest kid in the entire world.

He has soooo much personality for such a little guy! He's only been around for 15 months and already he thinks he knows everything. He makes the most amusing expressions, and he knows that they are amusing, and so he makes them again and again. Weirdo. We love him sooooo much.

Can't wait for the next one! :)

letting the cat out

So, I've decided to just come out with it - we're expecting!

The Baby isn't due until mid-March, and our insurance doesn't pay for ultrasounds unless a doctor requires it. So The Baby will probably be its official title until then. Not too big of a deal... unless it's a girl, because we don't have any girl stuff. I'm pretty certain it's a boy, but you never know!

So I had my intake appointment at the midwife clinic where I was seen for Vince. It's really far away from us now, since we've moved to the inlaws, but since we're moving to Cali in December anyway, I decided it would be just fine to make the trip so I can see the same midwives for a while. It didn't make sense to change midwives now, and then change midwives again when we move to Cali. Mostly I just filled out paper work, then they took some of my pee and some of my blood to do all the routine OB tests, then I found out that I am actually 6 weeks along! Hooray.

Things have been going well, so far. No nausea, which is way different than with Vince. With my first, I was sick by the beginning of week 5. I chalk it up to being more active this time around. I run 6-9 miles each week, at a pretty decent pace, so I feel pretty in shape. I also do more yoga and a little weight lifting (when I can squeeze it in!) I'm also eating more regularily and better food, because I started a nice healthy diet before I got pregnant. Now I'm just used to eating better food more often (in smaller amounts) which really helps with everything!

So there you have it!! The exciting news!

productivity

I felt very productive this weekend. I got my proof written for Number Theory, today I presented a different proof in class, I finished most of my Geometry homework due Wednesday, and I applied for graduation and paid a bunch of random fees (from blue books, test late fees, etc).

So anyway, I feel very productive. The bus doesn't come for about another hour and a half, so I'm going to hang out here in the computer lab and type some stuff for my book. Maybe I'll work on some homework, too, but I have time to do that later! And hopefully, I'll even be able to go for a run this evening! The weather has been really nice. Maybe we'll go on a family run and put Vince in the jogging stroller. Maybe we'll do that for our FHE activity. Who knows, Vince might even fall alseep!!

mother vindicated

I'm going to write a book about motherhood. An LDS non-fiction kind of thing. I'm going to do a lot of research, talk to a lot of LDS scholars (MFHD people and the likes) and write a book. There is something that Janice Kapp Perry said to us at the Stake RS retreat that really struck me. About personal expression and mothering and time and order. It helped me SO much. And then I bore testimony of the truth of it during sacrament meeting last week, and today another young mother approached me about how true it rang to her as well, and how it helped her.

And it's something that I think a lot of young mothers need to hear, especially ones who before they were mothers were very active in their own personal development and personal expression.

So yeah, maybe in a few years you might find my book at Deseret Book.

the good life

There is something really amusing about watching your one year old pretend everything and anything remotely rectangular is a car. He even makes the car sounds. What a great kid.

No school until Monday, no homework (two take home tests to being working on, but nothing high stress). I love how the weeks just keep flying by, taking me closer and closer to graduation. 

easy going

Russ is completely done. Officially. He passed his classes with high enough scores to graduate, so he is done. It's a big load off of him. I knew all along that he would pass his classes. He doubted himself. He's so great, and he never seems to see that.

Vincente is learning so much! At 15 months, he's already naming almost everything he sees (even if he names it incorrectly). He loves saying "Car", "Dog", "Bus", and "Show". He just walked up to the piano and said "I play?" He LOVES playing the piano. What an awesome kid! We're so lucky to have him! I especially love when he snuggles me and needs me, because he is still just a baby!!

School is going super well, just like last term. I think this final stretch is going to be a refreshing finish for me.

Then Jetters comes home from Italy! And we'll probably go visit her at home, go to her homecoming, and stuff like that.

So life is just moving along, bubbly and wonderful.