It struck me today that I am enjoying the last few moments of Vincente's baby-hood.
Today as I was rocking him to sleep for his nap, stroking his little face as he fell asleep, I realized that he is less and less a baby every day and more and more a little boy, and before I know it, he will be a little man (well, a big man, if he takes after his Papai).
It's a good thing, him growing up - it's as if he knows its time to make room for a new baby in our family - but when I was rocking him, I felt as if I wanted to hold on to the little baby in him. I wanted to keep the helpless little guy who needs his Mamãe for everything. I cherished that little moment, rocking him to sleep in my arms, kissing his little face. He is learning so fast. He is growing so fast, and that was so evident to me today as I rocked him to sleep. I think I needed to rock him to sleep more than he needed me to rock him to sleep.
I know he will always have a need for me as his mother in some capacity or another; but, every time he learns how to do something by himself, regardless of the joy that swells in my heart, a little piece of me feels sad that he doesn't need me in that way.
I just have to keep reminding myself of the ways he does need me, and do my best as his mother to fulfill those needs.
Geez, I'm getting all emotional and stuff now. I just really love my little guy, and I look foward to meeting Joseline and being her mother, but I can't help feeling like my relationship with Vincente is going to change a LOT. Suddenly it won't be just me and him anymore... which is great in that I can't wait to be a mom to more babies, but at the same time, it's a little sobering, you know? For two years, Vince and I have only had each other - and we've been through a lot together - school, Papai's basic training, moving, taking crazy trips across the country...
Well, Vince - I love you so much, and you are the best little buddy a Mamãe could ever hope for. I hope we get to stay buddies forever and ever, and I hope you'll like your little sister as much as I know I will!
Oh I sure love little Vince. Reading this made me cry=} I just love that little boy. I wish I could be there to help you! You are a wonderful mom Becca and both your kids will love you so much!
ReplyDeleteI had similar feelings with Joshua right before Abigail was born. Its so hard to feel like you are losing your little baby (and it didn't help that after Joshua came home from a week at the in-laws while I was in the hospital, he wouldn't speak to me, he only wanted Grammy! That really did make me cry!) But I've found that Joshua and I have still been able to have a little bit of time just the two of us. Sometimes we do things just "Joshua und Mama" and that is still really fun and special.
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