when the going gets tough

We thought Joseline would be a great sleeper... and she actually is... it's just been a little challenging to get her to go to sleep at night. She'll get tired, but then she'll "fall asleep" and two minutes later wake up again. She'll do this for hours 8-o

Last night she finally went to sleep around 11pm. It was much better than the last few nights - she'd been waiting until the wee hours of the morning to completely fall asleep. Last night she only woke up once (around 3) to nurse, and then went back to sleep until about 6am (when Russ gets up for work). I nursed her again and let her sleep until I got out of the shower at 9. So She really does sleep in good chunks, going right back to sleep after she nurses. It's been a rough week, though. Two nights ago it was like she wanted to go to sleep around 9pm, so I thought maybe she would do the same thing last night... it stinks being wrong. 

Well, once she permenantly goes to sleep, she stays asleep for a good 6-8 hours (with the one feeding in the middle, which doesn't seem to throw off  her sleeping pattern).

Now for my new mother ranting... 

I have been feeling really overwhelmed - like there's not enough time in the day to do everything I want to do. All the mothering books suggest just letting the housework go and not worrying about it for a while until you get the hang of being a new mom again. Unfortunately that doesn't work for me. I'm crankier if my house is messing. There are two things that I like to have done all the time - I like to be clean (i.e. take a shower) every day, and I like my house to be clean all the time. That means dishes done and floors swept and vacuumed and toys put away in the evening, and only a reasonable amount of laundry piling up (after a week at our house, laundry starts getting out of control). But it just seems like I don't have time to do all that and still take a little time to relax (which is another thing all the "experts" suggest). It's not relaxing to me to sit and put my feet up when my house is in a state of chaos. All that does is give me time to look around and mourn my loss of sanity and control. Which isn't very relaxing.

Anyway, as the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. So yesterday I somehow made it work (mostly). I didn't take a shower (but I did this morning!) but I was able to get almost the entire house clean. Today I'm going to sweep the part of the house that got neglected yesterday, but in all, I'm basically pleased with what I got done yesterday - AND I got to take a nap, and make invitations for Vincente's birthday party this Saturday. 

I think I'll be able to make it. Things are getting easier. I still feel like the hours are eaten up by breastfeeding... It feels like I'm always feeding one kid or the other or cleaning up after one kid or the other or changing one kid or the other's diaper.

But I wouldn't trade jobs with anyone in the world.

what a wonderful world

This picture is mostly just because I feel like I need to post a picture when I post on my blog. It gives you readers a little more incentive to read ;) I've really appreciated all the comments on my blog - you guys all make me feel sooo loved and remembered (I miss all our old pals from the Y - we can't wait to be in Utah again to spend time with you, if you're still around!!)

Anyway, the picture above is Vincente admiring the fish we're fish-sitting for the Power family. He likes to feed them and thinks it's hilarious when they eat the food. A few days ago, Russ was sitting with Vincente at the fish tank and they were talking about the fish in Portuguese. It was the first time I've ever heard Vincente speak 100% Portuguese - he was actually having a "conversation" in Portuguese with Russ! It was great! He did the same thing again today for a while. It's funny because even though I speak some Portuguese with Vincente, he won't speak entirely in Portguese with me. It is really cool to see that his Portuguese language skills are developing. His English skills are still better, but his Portuguese skills (I would say) are mostly right on with a normal 2 year old. He is above level for his English speaking skills (I'd say his English speech skills are closer to 3 year old).

I took Joseline to the pediatrician yesterday, and I really really liked our pediatrician. I scheduled an appointment for Vincente's 2 year check up and Joseline's 1 month checkup. It was nice to have such a good pediatrician. She's really nice and helpful and she seemed to trust me as a mother, and was just really laid back. When I asked if it was okay that Joseline is sleeping 6-8 hours at night (I know - how did I get lucky and get the kid who sleeps all night!?), and the pediatrician was completely fine since Joseline is gaining weight and nursing well. I know some doctors just have their ideas they stick to and they would be like "No, you should wake her up!" I really like a doctor who is flexible and willing to look at you like you're an individual and have individual needs and abilities. I've never liked doctors very much (which is one reason I like my CNMs better than an OB - although I do really like my OB here - he's a lot like my midwives :D ), so it's nice to have a pediatrician I like.

The low-down on Joseline's first Dr visit:

8lbs 15oz

23 in. (probably not 100% accurate... I'm sure she hasn't grown 2.5 inches since birth... but you never know)

Dr. Lim (our ped) said she looks great! And since Joseline's not my first child, she said she didn't want me to come in for the weekly visit they usually recommend for newborns. We'll just see her at Joseline's 1 month checkup. What a relief - a pediatrician who trusts that if I feel like Joseline needs to be seen, I'll make sure she's seen, otherwise, she thinks I'll do a great job taking care of my newborn on my own.

Heh, speaking of which, I was grocery shopping today and I left Vince home with Russ and took Joseline with me (the easier of the two to take shopping... Joseline just slept the whole time). Anyway, I was just about done shopping and this old lady looks into Joseline's infant carrier and is like "How old is your baby?" I replied "About two weeks." Then this lady is like "Isn't it a little early to have her out?" or something to that effect. I said "Oh, I think she's fine." But what I wanted to say was "Not if people like you don't come breathe on her." But that would have been mean. Really, though, if you see a tiny newborn baby and you're honestly concerned about them being out and around people with all their nasty germs wouldn't you stay the heck away? But no - the people who are the most "concerned" about you having your newborn out in the world are the ones who want to stick their germ-infested fingers in your infant carrier and poke at your baby and lean their heads in and breathe their disease infested breath into your child's face. If people like that just kept their hands and breath to themselves, it would be perfectly fine for me to take my newborn out.

Okay, enough of my ranting. This post is too long as it is.

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Baby!

My precious little boy is turning two!

Here are some highlights of Vincente's 2nd Year...

Perfecting his various talents -

Walking

Coloring

Exploring

Taking care of responsibilities -

Watering the dogs

Doing his homework

Catching the bus

Returning phone calls

Getting a haircut

Learning new things -

Ice Skating

Peeing in the potty

Small engine repair

Sign language

Massage Therapy

Baking cookies

Just goofing off -

Climbing in boxes

Building forts

Discovering the ocean

Vincente, when you came into our lives, it was like we found sunshine all over again. We love the energy you have - even when you wear us out! You are so smart, and we are so proud of all you have learned in such a short time! There is so much more to learn, and we are confident that you will be great at learning it. You're such an obedient little boy, and so good to your little sister. We couldn't ask for a better little boy. We've enjoyed watching you grow this past year, and we look forward to what this next year will bring!

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Love, 

Mamãe e Papai

sleepy house

Nap time today was wonderful. 

Vincente fell asleep on the couch watching Monsters, Inc. I don't really endorse using the TV for a babysitter or to put him down for a nap, but his shows have sure been life savers this past week. Figuring out how to take care of a two year old and a newborn at the same time has been a very... interesting experience for me. By that I basically mean it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

     

Joseline fell asleep easily after nursing for a while (she's actually really awesome - she falls asleep AFTER she nurses... most of the time. Sometimes she's falls asleep while she's nursing, but so far if she's sleepy we've been able to get her to sleep without nursing. It's awesome!)

      

The best part about nap time today was that I got a nap, too. Only about an hour, but I didn't have a nap yesterday, and if there's one thing I've been needing this past week, it's naps. I've decided that starting tomorrow (Wednesday) I am going to get back to normal life. I think I've got a good handle on how to do the two kids at once. Right now, with her nursing so often, it takes a little more time than usual. In a few months, when she doesn't nurse as often, things should be a little easier. But I can do it now. In fact, I may even stop by the part for a little bit tomorrow after Joseline's check up. And on Friday I think I'll actually take Vincente to our playgroup at ACS. I just really feel like I need to get back into my normal activities. It just seems like I don't have enough time in the day because I'm always nursing. And it's hard to do things when Joseline's awake... and hard to do things when she's asleep (unless Vince is asleep, too).

I'll let you know how things go tomorrow...

My Cup of Tea

Getting to know you...

...getting to know all about you. Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me...

Joseline and I have had an adventurous first week. It began with me being a little too sure of myself in latching her on... and being completely wrong, resulting in cracking and bleeding on my left side - ouch. Once I humbled myself and admitted to myself that maybe I wasn't latching her on just right, I was able to adjust things, and now our latch is much better, and my poor abused nipples are healing.

Joseline is a great sleeper - we very much like that about her. A few nights ago, it seemed like she would have slept all night had I let her, but I was worried about waking her up to feed her in the middle of the night. She has also been a little jaundiced, and the pediatrician said to make sure she nurses every 2-3 hours to help her little body get rid of the jaundice. So I woke her up. But the next day I started reading about when people let their newborn sleep through the night. Most people said "never wake a sleeping baby at night" and I think I completely agree with that philosophy (except if they're sick or something, but of course there are always exceptions). Last night we put her to sleep at midnight (after a nice evening of nursing nursing nursing) and she slept until just after 6am. It was beautiful. Then she nursed for about an hour, then went back to sleep until around 10am. We'll see how her sleeping habits continue to form. I hope she enjoys sleeping at night... I sure do.

She's very active when she's awake and not wanting to nurse. Active and very happy. She mostly just kicks around and wiggles, looking around at stuff. 

She loves her Papai's voice - loves to listen to him talk to her and sing to her.

She enjoys Vincente's antics, which is good, because sometimes I can't handle his craziness - but she reminds me that he's not really that bad.

...getting to know you, putting it my way...

...but nicely...

...you are precisely...

... my cup of tea...

The Weekend is Here!

It is finally the weekend, and after three days of taking care of myself by myself, I am being allowed to just lounge in my bed and do absolutely NOTHING (although I volunteered to fold laundry as it gets clean - that's something I can do from my bed, so I don't mind).

This morning I slept in until 9 (Joseline slept from 10pm-9am with only TWO feedings - and I had to wake her up for the first one, otherwise I have no idea how long she would have slept!!!) and I had to wake her up at 9 to eat again - she probably would have slept for another hour or so had I let her. When we finally woke up, Russ came in to get me breakfast, and then I fed Joseline. Then the two of us sat on the bed folding laundry, blogging, and facebooking until now. Now I am going to go take a shower (Joseline is napping - hooray! She's such a good sleeper!!) and get ready to go to the Wilde's Kabob-eque. Staying inside all week has been making me crazy, so I'm excited to go out for some low-key fun. We'll just chill at their house for a while, eat lunch, then come home and I will rest some more. I love resting, and I love my baby, and I love love love my sweet Russ who is taking such good care of me!

I'll probably post some more pictures this evening after our fun little get together at the Wilde's. What else do I have to do? :) I'm going to watch a few movies, too. Yay relaxing... it is soo nice, and my body soooooo needs it.

Big Brother, Little Sister

I haven't posted in a while (taking care of myself, Joseline, and Vincente has been ... time consuming), and I'm sure no one minds too much, considering I did just give birth four days ago. 

I decided to post today about Vincente adjusting to Joseline. He's actually doing really well, but considering she's only been home a few days, I'm sure there's a lot of time for things to get worse.

At the hospital, he was very sweet to Joseline. He kept asking to see the baby (when she was in her bassinet) and would give her kisses and say "Baby, I love you." It was really really sweet. So I figured that meant things were going to be mostly okay. Although, seeing a baby at the hospital is quite different from having a baby at home.

Tuesday night, when we were finally home, he seemed pretty okay about her presence. He still wanted to kiss her and hold her and love her. 

Wednesday was pretty great. Of course, he spent a lot of the day at the park, and then napping, so it wasn't like he was around all that much to get annoyed at her.

Thursday was when some jealousy started. I was nursing and he wanted to sit in my lap on the rocking chair. At first I was like, no, go away, but then I realized that it wouldn't really hurt anything for him to share my lap - after all, Joseline's still tiny enough that she doesn't take up my whole lap by any means. So I let him climb up my leg and sit on the edge of my nursing pillow. Later, he wanted me to read him some books (while Joseline happened to be nursing on my lap). When I told him he would have to wait, he started trying to push Joseline off my lap, saying "Go away." 

When nap time rolled around, I thought I would put Joseline down first, then be able to read books with Vince. Well, as luck would have it, Joseline decided that she wanted to be wide awake right at nap time. But she was pretty happy, so I just laid her down in her bed and got on my bed with Vincente to read books. We only finished three books when she decided that she wanted some attention, too. 

So I wrapped her up in her blanket, held her in my right arm, Vince snuggled up to my left side, and the three of us fell asleep, just like that. And slept for about 2 hours. If naptime can be like this, then I think I can live with two babies and no husband during the day.

Vincente sharing his "snuggle" with Joseline (he does not share his snuggle with anyone, and taking it from him is like asking for a tantrum)

Vincente snuggling with Joseline on the floor

Vincente playing "This Little Piggy" with Joseline

Thursday evening was awesome. Joseline was awake, so we just played on the floor. Vincente was super loving - and get this - he played "this little piggy" with her foot. Watch the video, you'll see what I mean.

I think things are going to be okay. The weekend is getting closer, and then I will be able to just REALLY do nothing but take care of myself and Joseline (mostly myself... I'm the one who has been neglected these past few days). Labor and delivery were so fast and "easy" (comparatively) that I felt like I could do anything. Yesterday I realized that I have probably overdone it. My body just needs a chance for some R&R, you know? And as soon as my entire lower trunk isn't sore (hips, tailbone, lower back... you get the picture) I am going to go get it adjusted. I don't want to have it adjusted now because I'm so sore I probably won't notice a difference. I'm thinking about the same time I feel like leaving my house for more than a few minutes, I'll be ready to see the chiropractor again. I just need rest... rest... my body craves it.

"Hello World"

I checked myself in to CHOMP  (Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula) at 7am Monday morning. I had been dilated to a 3 for most of March, and I was having contractions, but they weren't getting regular, and weren't really dilating my cervix. My original due date was March 13, but when I went in for my Dr's appointment the Tuesday after my due date, my Dr couldn't induce me, because CHOMP was completely full (I found out today that they didn't have a single empty room in the ENTIRE hospital. Crazy) So all inductions were being cancelled that day. 

So my Dr decided we would go by my "20 week ultrasound" due date of the 19th. He said if I didn't have the baby by myself by Monday, to check myself in at CHOMP by 7am. So, that's what I did.

Monday morning at 7am, Russ dropped me off at CHOMP on his way to the presidio for formation. Michelle Saavedra met me at the hospital (to be my coach while Russ went to his morning classes and took a test). My Dr came over around 8am to break my water. Since I was really hoping to go into labor spontaneously and naturally, the two of us made a deal - he would break my water and give me until 10am to make some progress. Well, he broke my water (took him a few tries - he says my amniotic sack was really full) around 8:30 am. Michelle and I walked the halls of the birthing center until about 9:30 am. The nurse had said to be back by 9:30, but I think we were a little early, since breaking my water did absolutely NOTHING to help start labor... no contractions, nothing. So I figured that we might as well just go back and get this thing started. 

The nurse hooked me up to pitocin at about 10:30 am. She increased the dose every half hour until noon, when she came back in to check me. When she started the pitocin (and when I had my water broken) I was dilated to a 4 (so I had made at least SOME progress since the last week), but only 30% effaced. Well, the pitocin was definitely doing its job. The contractions got stronger and stronger. For the most part, they weren't particularly painful. Just a lot of pressure, and some pain in my hips (I supposed from the pressure). Other than that, they were very edurable. However, once she had increased the dosage the second time, I was starting to think about what kind of drugs they could give me to help me get through the contractions. Of course, I didn't know how far dilated I was, so I wasn't sure exactly how much longer I would have to endure. My nurse finally checked me around noon, and I had only dilated one centimeter, but I was almost completely effaced.

At 5 centimeters, knowing the worst contractions were yet to come, I said "Bring on some drugs." It wasn't bad enough to want an epidural, and knowing that I only had 5 more centimeters to go (and knowing they wouldn't take TOO long), I just wanted something through my IV, to take the edge off. So I got some Fentanyl, which was a nice narcotic that made me relax really well (almost forgot about some of the less painful contractions), but only lasted about 30 minutes on me, and could only be administered every hour. Needless to say, I got a dose every hour, and luckily after the second dose, I was so used to relaxing on the drug that between doses wasn't too bad. 

Russ got there just before I asked for the drugs, and he was a great coach (once he stopped calling me a wimp - I think he didn't realize exactly how far advanced I was into labor by the time he got there. Heh... he thought I was still in the stage where you can laugh between contractions). I dilated to a 6 in the next hour (since I was getting pain killers every hour, they checked me every hour), and was completely effaced. This boosted my confidence, just as the contractions got harder. 6 to 8 wasn't too bad, and I made that in an hour. 8 to 10 was in just about the same amount of time, maybe a little longer, and it was HORRIBLE. That's when the "pushing" contractions started coming. Anyone who has had a baby knows what I'm talking about - those contractions when your body yells "PUSH!" and your nurse/doc/midwife says "Breath through it."

Anyway, by the time my Dr got there, I was dilated to a 10 and basically said, "Ready or not, here I push." As he walked in the door, I asked if it was him, and when it was, I was like, "I am pushing now, like it or not." I think my Dr might have actually said it was okay to push. I'm not sure whether or not he said I could, but I pushed with a contraction - not a very effective push - mostly it was my body doing what it had been WANTING to do for the last hour. My Dr started scrambling to get his gloves and booties and stuff on, the nurses were racing around to get the bed ready, and Joseline was crowning her little head into this world. When my Dr said "Give us one good push, and we'll have this baby." I seriously thought he was joking. But then I did it. One good push (and maybe a half a push after that) and out popped Joseline. It was a miracle.

There she was, after 2 hours of not so intense labor, 2 hours of intense labor, 1 hour of misery, and one good push. 

No perinial tears, no pushing for hours, no funky head shaped baby from pushing so hard, just a beautiful baby, and a mama with energy to spend loving her baby, instead of passing out as soon as she's born.

Some day I'll post Vincente's story and you'll be able to see the drastic difference between that labor and delivery, and this one.

So I did it - I did induced labor without an epidural. And it wasn't that bad. Okay, in all honesty, the last hour was really bad, but Russ was a great coach - he kept telling me to squeeze his hand instead of push when I wanted to push, and squeeze I did. I think I only pushed "on accident" three or four times. With Vince, I couldn't stop pushing, no matter how hard I tried.

Today (Tuesday) as we were being discharged, the nurse said to us "You guys make a great team!" It made my little heart swell. That's actually been something we've been struggling with in our marriage - being a good team, working together, and having unity in our marriage, instead of just two people living in the same house. So to hear someone say something like that was really really encouraging.

Joseline Marie Rowley says to the world "Hello, World!"

The Last Moments

It struck me today that I am enjoying the last few moments of Vincente's baby-hood. 

        

Today as I was rocking him to sleep for his nap, stroking his little face as he fell asleep, I realized that he is less and less a baby every day and more and more a little boy, and before I know it, he will be a little man (well, a big man, if he takes after his Papai). 

It's a good thing, him growing up - it's as if he knows its time to make room for a new baby in our family - but when I was rocking him, I felt as if I wanted to hold on to the little baby in him. I wanted to keep the helpless little guy who needs his Mamãe for everything. I cherished that little moment, rocking him to sleep in my arms, kissing his little face. He is learning so fast. He is growing so fast, and that was so evident to me today as I rocked him to sleep. I think I needed to rock him to sleep more than he needed me to rock him to sleep.

I know he will always have a need for me as his mother in some capacity or another; but, every time he learns how to do something by himself, regardless of the joy that swells in my heart, a little piece of me feels sad that he doesn't need me in that way.

     

I just have to keep reminding myself of the ways he does need me, and do my best as his mother to fulfill those needs.

Geez, I'm getting all emotional and stuff now. I just really love my little guy, and I look foward to meeting Joseline and being her mother, but I can't help feeling like my relationship with Vincente is going to change a LOT. Suddenly it won't be just me and him anymore... which is great in that I can't wait to be a mom to more babies, but at the same time, it's a little sobering, you know? For two years, Vince and I have only had each other - and we've been through a lot together - school, Papai's basic training, moving, taking crazy trips across the country... 

Well, Vince - I love you so much, and you are the best little buddy a Mamãe could ever hope for. I hope we get to stay buddies forever and ever, and I hope you'll like your little sister as much as I know I will!

Joseline's Wardrobe

My mom and I went shopping at Old Navy today because I had a 15% off coupon, and $30 in Bucks Back from our ON card. That coupled with shopping the clearance racks and all the dresses being on sale, we made a killing! Here is a sampling of the things we found for little Joseline to wear. I'm getting super excited about dressing her up!!

Yes, that's right. My Joseline is going to be the best dressed little girl around. I think I'm going to dress her up in little dresses every day. And I'll be sure to post lots of pictures of Joseline in her cute little dresses (as soon as she's out here!) Don't worry, we have a few newborn dresses that will fit her as soon as she comes out :D

Joseline Marie

So we decided that our baby isn't coming because she didn't have a name, and that she has been feeling neglected and unloved (it's hard to dote on a baby in your belly that doesn't have a name). So, we finally decided on a name (and spelling):

Joseline Marie Rowley

You are now welcome to grace us with your presence at any time, sweet little Joseline Marie. We're anxious to meet you, especially now that you have a real name! 

No Baby

I thought I would post so that everyone knows that I haven't had a baby yet (unfortunately) but that I'm drinking cinnamon and onion tea like it's - excuse me while I have a contraction - okay, anyway, I am doing everything in my power (short of being medically induced with pitocin... I'm trying to stay away from that drug like the plague... it makes for some nasty contractions, and since I'm not getting an epidural, I'd like for the contractions to be as manageable as possible) to have this baby.

This is the plan - I'm going to try to get into my Dr's office today. If I've changed at all from last week (i.e. I am dilated to a 4 or more) I will talk to him about options for inducing labor (breaking my water, etc). If I haven't changed... well... then I'll will be much less likely to want to be induced (that's when complications can start happening), even though that means more waiting... which I'm not excited for...

So, I've been having contractions this morning, but nothing too substantial. We'll see what happens, and I'll make sure to keep everyone posted. Ha ha, no blogger pun intended.